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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset at a silly comment on fb

249 replies

skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 21:35

Cut a long story short DH is in New Zealand for his sisters wedding, it's really hot there, I have SAD, love sunshine and I posted pics on fb for him to see the snow my SIL said ' and today in NZ it will be scorchio' I commented 'thanks I feel so much better now' I just think she's really insensitive. My DH said she's not and if I carry on I'll make him have a shit time.

OP posts:

bootsycollins · 24/03/2013 08:40

Book the holiday sky, you and your dd deserve a little adventure to look forward to. Your important too you know, you'll feel empowered by taking control and balancing out the fairness of the situation, also be a really nice bonding experience for you and dd, bet you'll find plenty to laugh about.

onedev · 24/03/2013 08:47

I remember your other thread too & I don't have a great memory but it stuck in my head because of how selfish your DH sounds - I know if I were you I'd be happily single right now but that's just me!

Anyway I completely agree with Maryz & Enormas - book yourself & DD a holiday & don't worry about how he feels at all. Might make him realise just how selfish his actions are if you put yourself first for once. Good luck & stay off FB!

dawntigga · 24/03/2013 08:54

Pew pew pew.

ThisShieldIsGreatTiggaxx

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 24/03/2013 08:56

Skyblue, I remember your thread re the flights and I'm not surprised you're fed up. Your 'D'H and FIL were very selfish and seemed to do their best to exclude you and your DD. Just read that your DD is 17; that would have been an incredible trip for her, and for you. Sorry, that probably doesn't really help)

I would definitely limit contact with your H while he is away as you will just find it harder speaking to him knowing that he fucked off to the other end of the world when it was within his capabilities to ensure you could all go. Don't not speak to him because it will spoil his holiday if you do but because it will make it will make it more bearable for you not to have to hear what he is up to (and what you could all be up to if he had't been such a selfish git)

Your SIL could have been more sensitive with her comment particularly if she knew you wanted to go.

You should definitely book the holiday for you and your DD without your H. He's had his treats and more than his share of the family spends for the last couple of years so it's your turn now. Book it now so that when you get upset at him being in NZ, you can think of your holiday to look forward to. and if your DD doesn't want to go then take me, I've not been to the sun for nearly 4 years and I'm desperate to feel the sun on my bones

GirlOutNumbered · 24/03/2013 08:58

Sorry, but I think as it's FILs money, he gets to decide how to spend it. He is flying for 20 hours, I'm not surprised he wanted some company, especially as he was paying.

HollyBerryBush · 24/03/2013 09:04

I saw the first thread too.

I'm not grasping a lot this morning but if FIL and MIL had two expensive tickets, Mil cant now fly and Dh was offered her ticket (tickets unable to be exchanged into economy) I fail to see how that is excluding the OP and DD?

It just isn't. It's making best use of 3.5K already spent.

Hypothetically, if the tickets could have been changed and a whole family trip was enabled, where were they all going to be living for 3 weeks? because money is the driver in this - the OP couldn't afford two more tickets, so even if the tickets were free, she would have had a hard time keeping up with the social whirl and paying the way of extra people.

Or would FIL be expected to pick up this bill too?

I also think it's pretty poor for the OP to resent her DH going to his own sisters wedding.

MusicalEndorphins · 24/03/2013 09:17

Overreacting regarding the fb comment.
I would not rain on their wedding, or be anything but cheerful.

I would book the cruise with your daughter, not to be spiteful, but because your dh has had his vacation, and you and your daughter have not, and your family is not in the financial position for him to have two vacations this year.
If you don't have a SAD light, you should get one, it isn't frivolous if it helps your health, many people have them. I hope that tomorrow is a better day.

Maryz · 24/03/2013 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onedev · 24/03/2013 09:31

Totally agree Maryz - hence why I'd be happily single - being excluded from your own family is not a family is still be part of if my husband was part of that exclusion.

Good luck Op - you deserve a holiday so book it!!

LIZS · 24/03/2013 09:33

I don't think this is really about SIL's fairly innocuous response to your weather post , is it ? Book you and dd a break in the sun and ignore his snidey remarks.

TheUnsinkableTitanic · 24/03/2013 09:46

sorry if this is a rude question, but is DD not your DH's biological child?

everlong · 24/03/2013 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lottashakingoinon · 24/03/2013 09:56

Maryz is saying it all eloquently and succinctly. I have nothing to add except that when you do go away with DD if DH dares to express a negative thought just say if he carries on you and DD will have a shit time (but you won't, MNers won't let you )

BuddyButters · 24/03/2013 10:05

Just read some of your past threads and your H and his family sound absolutely horrible. Your H in particular.

Original poster

skyblue11 · 24/03/2013 10:13

I'm hurt by all of this, Maryz reflects exactly my feelings, thank God someone else can see this just how it is.

Today I am angry and guess what I have made to my mind up to book that holiday.

I went on facebook this morning (I deleted the photos yesterday) and saw a bright sunny photo from 'D'H stating another lovely sunny day here in NZ and his old GF commented on it and said 'tell your dad there's no meeting this morning due to the snow', he replied' haha yes I'll let him know'. So I was angry he's rubbing my nose it in so much. So nasty. Today I am glad to be here alone.

And yes it is his biological DD...in answer to the question..

OP posts:

pigletmania · 24/03/2013 10:15

exactly you h is an areshole op, he should have been up there supporting you telling them where is Mrsskyeblue and dd ticket, and should not have gone if you were not included, not go swanning off without you. That would be a dealbreaker in a relationship

BuddyButters · 24/03/2013 10:16

Why are you still with this prize??

TheUnsinkableTitanic · 24/03/2013 10:28

gosh!
I really thought there was going to be some family dynamics going in ie your child and FIL not recognising DD as your husbands for many years (sorry can't write DH)

ElegantSufficiency · 24/03/2013 10:33

I second the suggestion to book a holiday away with a friend or family member in the sun. And if he has the chutzpah to complain, LAUGH IN HIS TANNED FACE

(holiday without kids of course). get on line now, check out where you could go that's hot for a whole week without kids.

ElegantSufficiency · 24/03/2013 10:37

oh your dd is 17!? ok, take her! i thought she was a toddler.

ElegantSufficiency · 24/03/2013 10:41

And also, it makes it more shocking that you weren't included at his sister's wedding.

TSSDNCOP · 24/03/2013 10:46

Well initially I thought your first FB comment was inviting trouble, although your SILs response wasn't particularly jibey.

Then I thought you were being silly about the tickets as I assumed, like Holly the tickets in BC had already bed purchased and it was just a name change for DH.

But since Maryz's clarification and today's FB comment I have changed my mind. I would now be booking the mini cruise with DD, and spending the remainder of DHs holiday considering whether I wanted to be strapped to this wanker for the rest of my life.

pigletmania · 24/03/2013 11:40

A lot to think about sky, as well as other things, your h shows little and no respect for you, you seem to not be worth very much to him. Any loving and caring husband or partner would not allow this to happen. Your IL bought another ticket for your h, but did not buy one for his wife and daughter shows how they see you, and your h does nothing to support or defend you. I seriously would not be with such an arse tbh. Go on that lovely holiday with just you and your dd and sod him.

Original poster

skyblue11 · 24/03/2013 11:49

Piglet....I have a lot to think about don't I?
You're right about the respect and care, he's way too selfish but turns it around on me every time making me out to be awkward about it all and intent on making his time there miserable.
Sometimes you can't see things as they are, posting on here has brought a few home truths out to me.

OP posts:

bootsycollins · 24/03/2013 12:35

He might have accidentally done you a massive favour sky you've got a few weeks to think things over without him clouding your judgement and negating your feelings. He sounds like a man child narcissist twat. Have the il's always kept you and dd at arms length? Do you think he's been telling them porkies about what a martyr husband he is caring and providing for you under difficult health circumstances and that you in return are bitter and ungrateful and impossible to live with but he's duty bound and deserves the break?. Sorry sky I've got an over active imagination, I meant no offence by your health issues that I know nothing about I'm just trying to work out how much of a twat he is. They sound like a mixed bunch of narcs and enablers, has your mil been in touch since they left for NZ? What kind of relationship do you have generally with the il's?.

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