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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at a silly comment on fb

249 replies

skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 21:35

Cut a long story short DH is in New Zealand for his sisters wedding, it's really hot there, I have SAD, love sunshine and I posted pics on fb for him to see the snow my SIL said ' and today in NZ it will be scorchio' I commented 'thanks I feel so much better now' I just think she's really insensitive. My DH said she's not and if I carry on I'll make him have a shit time.

OP posts:
MrRected · 23/03/2013 22:19

Op - i suspect there is more at work here than the weather. You aren't really pissed off with your SIL - you are really pissed off with your DH (which is understandable).

As for envying sunburn - that's just ridiculous. We live in Australia and have just spent a very worrying month waiting for the results of DHs biopsies - looking for melanoma (one of the deadliest cancers) - he's like a patchwork quilt. It's been extremely painful and nothing to be envious of!

Maryz · 23/03/2013 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 22:21

Wrong side...they wouldn't refund MIL ticket DH asked for economy but FIL wanted him in business with him so...rest is history

London...don't think I could do it as it looks like I'm being mean now

OP posts:
LeeCoakley · 23/03/2013 22:21

I think the op is allowed to 'carry on' a bit if she wants, it's her dp who's the insensitive one. He should be saying he'll make it up to her etc instead of acting all petulant and whining that he'll have a shit time if she brings him down. I don't know the back story but I'd be hopping mad if he accepted the ticket when it could've been exchanged for economy class for the whole family to go.

stifnstav · 23/03/2013 22:22

Right well now you've given the backstory it might seem like a neener-neener thumb on nose type comment.

But you're not going to feel any better about it by dwelling on the weather over there? It is what it is. How old are your DC? Are they old enough to do stuff in the snow that you might be able to enjoy that would take your mind off things?

Original poster
skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 22:22

Hi Maryz, strange how some folk remember my old thread!

OP posts:
SergeantSnarky · 23/03/2013 22:23

Nor is it a criticism btw - had you put your foot down and told him not to go you would have been accused of being a complete harridan.
My DH attended a wedding alone as I couldn't take DD out of school (wedding was abroad): we had a really nice meal and trip to a warm swimming centre instead. It was fine.

My other half has just done business trips in Egypt and Saudi - nice meals sun clean sheets etc whilst pregnant diabetic me was stuck for two weeks at minus six with two kids.
Diff circs as more work than a jolly but the point is you can and do get fed up if you are the one sucking it up but playing the martyr even if you have been martyred(!) will not help your depression in the long term. Tea Crumpets Chocolate Heat magazine and Bubble baths and minimal contact means you will harbour less resentment and if you try and go out when he does get back you will have your own anecdotes and it won't all be about him...

Hugs xx

wrongsideoftheroad · 23/03/2013 22:23

Hmm.

I'd be pissed off with that. Did your DH ask your FIL if he'd consider paying for you all to go economy

FeijoaVodkaAndCheezels · 23/03/2013 22:24

Also where my parents lbe in NZ it's only about 14 degrees so hardly hot.

And if he's there for nearly a month by the time he gets back (assuming he's only just gone) it will be well into Autumn when he leaves and getting very chilly.

I agree being left behind isn't nice though.

WhatsTheBuzz · 23/03/2013 22:25

think
some of the blunt, harsh 'totally oversensitive' type comments are
totally out of order. Posters who report depression don't receive
unsympathetic responses, SAD isn't pleasant or made up, you know.

DoJo · 23/03/2013 22:25

I agree that you are being a bit OTT about her comment, and I can understand why your husband wants to nip it in the bud as he's obviously feeling a bit guilty about being away whilst you're stuck at home, and you moaning about trivial comments is probably making him feel worse.

olgaga · 23/03/2013 22:27

So you posted some pics about the weather here, and she made a comment about the weather there.

You think that's insensitive?

What was she supposed to say?

Maryz · 23/03/2013 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob · 23/03/2013 22:30

I would book yours and dds holiday in a heartbeat. I would probably be single by then anyway after all this carry on.

I can't get over how selfish your dh is tbh.

BlackMaryJanes · 23/03/2013 22:30

I can't see why the SIL said what she did other than to goad OP.

OP YANBU.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 22:31

Think I might remove the pics...and probably lessen contact as it's making me feel worse, I was upset he said that to me about making his holiday shit. I mean he's there and I'm here!

OP posts:
Original poster
skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 22:33

I know if I book it he will be mad at me, but then I think well you have had some fun why not us?

OP posts:
SergeantSnarky · 23/03/2013 22:35

Oh and have some Flowers

Would like to see all the negative posters 'home alone' being so bountiful and altruistic when it is their other halves away for nearly a month! Tis easier said than done.

Wishing you a pleasant Easter - at least you have access to the new Dr Who series! Envy - am not in UK and relying on the kindness of strangers on tinternet.

Maryz · 23/03/2013 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 22:40

Aw thanks Sergeant that's nice....

It's a minicruise, at £377 each, we could share a cabin so it's be around £800 really, I did price up for 3 but it would mean a different type of cabin and the price soared to £1300 so I wouldn't nor could we afford that plus spends.

OP posts:
wrongsideoftheroad · 23/03/2013 22:41

I'd actually be booking a holiday for me and a friend and telling DH he needed to be around to look after DD!

Original poster
skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 22:42

wrongside, that made me laugh, she's 17 though so doesn't need much of that and she deserves a holiday too.

OP posts:
JammySplodger · 23/03/2013 22:44

If he's away for another few weeks, could you book something last minute over the Easter hols, while he's still away?

WafflyVersatile · 23/03/2013 22:45

It's not their fault it's snowing
It's not their fault you couldn't go to NZ
I't not their fault you suffer from SAD

It's not fair to ask people to pretend not to be happy because you are feeling miserable.

I understand that you do feel miserable and that the comment might upset you, it probably would me too but it's not within their power to improve the weather and lift your mood but it is within your power to not drag down their mood too when the situation is what it is.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 22:45

Jammy, I'm not that spontaneous and have some health issues at the moment, nice idea though

OP posts:
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