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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at a silly comment on fb

249 replies

skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 21:35

Cut a long story short DH is in New Zealand for his sisters wedding, it's really hot there, I have SAD, love sunshine and I posted pics on fb for him to see the snow my SIL said ' and today in NZ it will be scorchio' I commented 'thanks I feel so much better now' I just think she's really insensitive. My DH said she's not and if I carry on I'll make him have a shit time.

OP posts:
Maryz · 23/03/2013 22:46

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Maryz · 23/03/2013 22:47

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wrongsideoftheroad · 23/03/2013 22:47

Haha, sorry, I assumed she'd be younger for some reason!

Then for sure you should book it without him. FOR SURE! GO FOR IT!

CandyCrushed · 23/03/2013 22:48

I think it was a lovely thing of your FIL to do. You should be happy for them all.

Give yourself a talking too and enjoy your time with DD Smile

BlackMaryJanes · 23/03/2013 22:52

It's not fair to ask people to pretend not to be happy because you are feeling miserable.

Would it really have been difficult for SIL not to rub salt in the wound with her comment? Did she really need to post it?

pigletmania · 23/03/2013 22:53

I think its a lot more than this tbh. You are probably hurt because of DH disregard for you and your feelings, and is being totally unsupportive.

ENormaSnob · 23/03/2013 22:54

Get it booked skyblue.

Iirc didn't he use all the money last year too so he could go to the Olympics?

Original poster
skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 22:58

Piglet....I think you have hit the nail on the head, he is disregarding my feelings and ENorma what an amazing memory you have, yes he did!

I think I feel bad to book it as it's against my nature and I know he won't like it but on the other hand he doesn't have any regard for me, he put himself first (again).

People keep asking me why didn't we go and my BF cannot believe how selfish he's been and that he actually went.

OP posts:
Maryz · 23/03/2013 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 23:07

Maryz, I thought that too but didn't want to say it!

OP posts:
Original poster
skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 23:09

I think it's helpful to come on here, take the good with the bad but sometimes if you don't have many friends or people to bounce off it puts things into perspective and its interesting to see what their thoughts are....there are some nice people on here too!

OP posts:
pigletmania · 23/03/2013 23:10

I remember the thread skyblue, his actions are totally selfish and self centred, no wonder you are feeling hurt and trying to put a smiley face on. This did not seem like a mutual decision reached after some discussion but your dh stamping his feet and having a strop wanting to go.

Inertia · 23/03/2013 23:10

I remember your previous thread, and agree with previous posters- there's a lot more to this than just being jealous of it being sunny in another country. IIRC, it's about DH repeatedly raiding your savings for holidays and trips that only he can go on, and you and DD are not invited. FWIW, your SIL probably didn't mean to be hurtful, but there's no need for your DH to get arsey with you- a comment along the lines of he's sorry you and DD couldn't be there would have been better.

You should book the holiday with DD- and if health issues allow, I think Jammy's right; it would be good to go while DH is away. From the way you've described him, I wouldn't put it past him to put pressure on you to cancel once he gets home, or to let him go instead.

aldiwhore · 23/03/2013 23:11

skyblue although I think you could be accused of being a little sulky over the whole situation, I do not think YABU about feeling pissed off at the situation but what good is going to do to be pissed off with individuals?

YABU but I do feel for you and would probably feel the same as you... in fact I have done in the past for far less reason, like when my DH rang from his beach side apartment on his day off whilst working in Antiuga (or however you spell the bloody place, 10 years on I'm still irrationally annoyed that he even had one day to enjoy the place) so I'm not judging you as a 'bad person'.

You're simply being an unreasonable good one, who probably does 'deserve' a bloody lovely break, but really given the whole situation (and your solution - fly you all budget - that none of your family picked up on) you need to stop mentioning it to your DH all the time (because you will have made it quite clear you not happy) and go treat yourself... big time.

Re your SAD, invest in a sunlamp thing... get outside as much as possible too, and keep your chin up because summer IS on it's way despite the snow. x

MrsMoffat · 23/03/2013 23:12

T

DrHolmes · 23/03/2013 23:16

YABU even though it is a rubbish situation for you.
Just have a good time whilst he is away, do things you usually can't and don't give him a hard time just because you're jealous.
Make a snow angel instead!

Original poster
skyblue11 · 23/03/2013 23:16

Thanks all.....I'm off to bed now and I shall sleep on booking that holiday for DD and I, selfish or not after the rubbish time I'm having I think it would help to have something positive to focus on for once. Will catch up tomorrow, thanks again!

OP posts:
CandyCrushed · 23/03/2013 23:17

If you didn't want your DH to go you really should have told him. If you only wanted him to go if you could all go the you should have told him that.

Do you think your DH told your FIL that you were unhappy and that you wanted to go?

hopefulgum · 23/03/2013 23:18

skyblue11, YANBU at all. Yes, her comment may just be about the weather, but given the circumstances, I think she could be more sensitive to your feelings.

I really do sympathise, because, although my PIL have not spent that kind of money on my DH, they have,over the years managed to leave me out of a few family events. It is just so hurtful to do that to you, and knowing they could have spent the money on three tickets, but chose not to, would really upset me. And when your DH didn't stick up for you, it would make the situation much worse. His comment about you "carrying on",is also insensitive. He's concerned about having a "shit time", when frankly, I would think it would be you having a "shit time". Personally, I would stay away from facebook, and also ignore him while he was away.

Please do book the holiday for you and DD. You deserve it. Sounds like he has no qualms spending the family budget on holidays for himself.

Big hugs from me. I really do understand how you feel.

pigletmania · 23/03/2013 23:20

LTB Grin

DrHolmes · 23/03/2013 23:23

sky I think you should book the holiday for you and your daughter.

Machli · 23/03/2013 23:25

Dd is 17 Shock?

So she'd have got A LOT out of this trip as well.

I Would Be Fuming! Sorry maybe I am a big old sulky chops but I wouldn't be able to have any contact with him while he was out there and I would tell him him to STFU about it when he waltzes back raving about his experiences. Sorry but I think that is just SO mean.

I don't think I could like him at all after this Sad.

Machli · 23/03/2013 23:26

Oh and book you and dd a holiday RIGHT NOW! If he says "without me?" Say "yes" looking like Grin.

SirBoobAlot · 24/03/2013 00:02

I remember the previous thread. Sorry it's ended up this way. Your FIL and DH are both arseholes, TBH.

Do something nice with your daughter for sure.

pigletmania · 24/03/2013 08:04

Go book that holiday, somewhere nice and sunny with your dd, have a lovely girly time and sod your selfish (d)h

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