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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So, MIL has told DH that an amniocentesis is "Basically like an abortion...

55 replies

AllYoursBabooshka · 23/03/2013 19:40

Where they drain half the amniotic fluid from around the baby"

She's a nurse!

I may need one and she has said I shouldn't have it.

DH momentarily shit himself, well until common sense kicked in.

AIBU to have no idea what to say to her? Things between us are already strained right now and I just can't believe she has told DH this knowing how worried he already is.

Wtf? :(

OP posts:
VinegarDrinker · 23/03/2013 19:41

She is ill educated and wrong. She may be a nurse but she clearly has never seen an amnio or have the first clue what she us chatting about.

MDA · 23/03/2013 19:42

Amazes me what MILs' say sometimes, even nurse ones. Mine was a nurse and thinks she knows everything medical. Most of it is fairly alarming

Our local hospital has an 0.5% chance of miscarriage - which means only 1 in 200 amnios carried out result in miscarriage.

Hardly an abortion FFS jeesh.

VinegarDrinker · 23/03/2013 19:43

I would try to be dispassionate and just give her an info leaflet or internet print out to inform herself. Then ignore, ignore, ignore and refuse to discuss it any further.

hwjm1945 · 23/03/2013 19:43

Just tell her what is involved and that she may have misunderstood the fact that amino carries I think a 1% Chance of miscarriage,if after that she continues to peddle her carp you will know she is looking to cause trouble

FergusSingsTheBlues · 23/03/2013 19:45

Ive had a miscarriage.
I wasnt prepared to take the risk.
But yes, uninformed...and very irresponsible if shes a nurse ffs!

VinegarDrinker · 23/03/2013 19:46

Yup the rate of miscarriage is less than 1% in the vast majority of units, which is pretty much the same risk at that stage as anyone else who hasn't had an amnio having a miscarriage.

Varya · 23/03/2013 19:47

My daughter in law was going to turn down the amnio test but when we saw the doc she was offered a blood test instead and told that her baby was normal soon after this so it might be that some hospitals offer a blood test now instead of amnio test.

coffeeinbed · 23/03/2013 19:49

Blood tests are offered before amnio.
OP, your MIL is out of order.

Original poster
AllYoursBabooshka · 23/03/2013 19:55

That's the thing, DH was simply explaining everything the doctor had told us and apparently as soon as she heard the word amniocentesis she started ranting at him.

We know very little at the moment and will find out everything on Monday after they do more scans.

She's normally very negative and always sees the bad but this is quite extreme even for her.

OP posts:
propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 23/03/2013 19:58

Mil sounds ill informed or simply thick. You'll know which is most likely. Either way tell her to fuck off out of your business.

thebody · 23/03/2013 19:59

I had one with dd1. It's fine. She's either stupid or just trying to hurt you. Either way ignore her. Silly cow.

Makinglists · 23/03/2013 19:59

Very ill educated - if I remember right the stated Mc rate is around 1% (I think that figure may also include those pregnancies that would have MC naturally so in theory might be lower). I've had amnio and have a very healthy 2 year old. If you need advice about ante-natal testing that is more reliable and non-judgemental than I would really recommend contacting ARC (Antenatal Results and Choices) they are a wonderful small charity that support families who are going through the process of antenatal testing and the impact of this. Hope all goes well (hope I never meet your MIL professionaly!!)

Bakingtins · 23/03/2013 20:00

How is that supposed to be in any sense helpful? I'm sure you'll weigh the small risk of amnio against your risk for the conditions you have concerns about. You must already be anxious about it all. Tell her to get lost.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 23/03/2013 20:02

Having had one myself I am disgusted at her. If that's the sort of stuff she says she should not be a nurse.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 23/03/2013 20:02

Ps best wishes op

ChristmasJubilee · 23/03/2013 20:03

I wouldn't give her any further information - just let her know when the baby is born.

Lovelygoldboots · 23/03/2013 20:07

Its horrible when you have to make this decision. Harder still when you have this kind of crap to contend with. I have three dc, had an amnio with two of them. It was fine and it was a very skilled team that performed it, the same people both times. Hope all goes well op, ignore her. You do not need to justify your decision to anyone.

Original poster
AllYoursBabooshka · 23/03/2013 20:11

Thanks for being so lovely. :)

The hospital were wonderful and we actually came out feeling quite positive despite the shock of finding out there might be a problem.

We just wanted to keep our parents in the know but I didn't expect that. My mother is the most tactless woman in Ireland and couldn't have been more lovely about the whole thing.

She really could have kept that to herself.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 23/03/2013 20:15

Your mil is way out of order. And wrong.

Unless its her area of expertise

DinglebertWangledack · 23/03/2013 20:17

I don't normally advocate swearing at IL's but a phrase I reccomend for your MIL?

"Don't be so fucking stupid"

scrablet · 23/03/2013 20:20

I had an amnio with DD2.
I spent the whole time in tears because had heard awful things and some well meaning friends said they had refused them because 'it wouldn't make any difference'.
We had our own reasons for proceding, but it felt hard. The actual procedure was fine and the consultant pointed out that DD2 wasn't bothered at all.
It really was more like a scan than anything else, the amount of fluid taken is miniscule!
Hope you won't let this bad reaction on MIL's part weigh on your mind.

SirBoobAlot · 23/03/2013 20:20

What an insensitive witch. I hope you told her to go fuck herself!

Hope the amnio results come back clear.

Original poster
AllYoursBabooshka · 23/03/2013 20:20

See, that's exactly what I am afraid of popping out of my mouth next time I see her. :o

Well " Oh fuck off you thick twat" was what came to mind. Blush

Poor old DH doesn't know what to do.

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 23/03/2013 20:22

I understand how you feel. My DC4 has been diagnosed with a cleft lip and the amount of uninformed rubbish that has come out of the mouths of various family members has been unbelievable. Tell your DH to listen to the people who know what they're talking about and good luck with the amnio.

Cailinsalach · 23/03/2013 20:24

Is your MIL Irish too or a Catholic OP? Because she may be associating an amnio with a hard choice if there are problems.
My sil (also Irish Catholic) had an amnio on her second pregnancy after their first child was born with Downes. Luckily everything was ok but if there were problems I doubt my Mum, her MIL, would have been supportive.
That was a watershed moment in my life when I realised that principles are not just for other people to observe.