To let DS feed himself from the highchair tray?

[mistressploppy]

Long, sorry...

Birthday lunch for a family friend at a country pub. 8 adults, DS1 (3yo) and DS2 (13mo)

We eat out a lot with the DC so they behave pretty well; no shouting, chucking food etc. DS1 eats like a mini-adult, uses cutlery, no probs. DS2 feeds himself nicely and has done for months (BLW) but as his pasta has arrived as an enormous adult-sized portion on a plate, I pick up a dollop or two and put them on the tray of his highchair. He scoffs away. The babywipes are poised next to him.

Waiter(asst.manager/supervisor?) hovers; 'is there something wrong with the plate?'
Me; 'sorry?'
Waiter; 'IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE PLATE?' (crossly, with sarcasm)
Me; um, oh, sorry...it was a bit hot...he tends to push the plate around...might get broken...I WILL clean the tray myself and wipe up any mess when he's finished...
Waiter;'oh, it's just I couldn't believe it when I saw you just dumping it on the tray like that'
Me;
DH; Er, hang on a minute mate, that's how he eats? No harm done! Do you have children?!'
Waiter; 'no, but I was one once, and my mother would never have just put food in front of me like that...she'd have fed me properly'

At this point my bottom lip went and DH asked him if he'd meant to be so rude(!). He then said; 'well, half of your party were 30mins late for the booking, and then she (gestures) dumps food straight on the table....'

I got a bit upset. Soothing noises ensued from all our party. After about 20mins he returns

Waiter; 'um, right, about earlier; I'm sorry you were upset but... '
Me; (cutting in) 'are you apologising?'
Waiter; 'no, thank you for cleaning up, but I stand by what I sai..'
Me; (nicely) 'I don't want to hear it, thanks!'
Waiter; (loudly, while walking off with his hands raised in despair) 'Ok, fine, you just carry on doing that in every restaurant you go to and see what happens...'

and

WIBU?

jesus OP TOTALLY unacceptable behaviour from a waiter. you had a little baby eating from the highchair tray (which you cleaned). disgraceful behaviour from the restaurant staff. i would be fuming. write down the whole experience and go in and see the manager. outrageous.

He was rude but I agree tbh, its not very nice for the rest of the restaurant to have to see you slopping pasta on the high chair tray whilst your child shovels it in with his hands- its a bit different to him eating finger food off the highchair tray

Oh and I'm a waitress, people do this ALL the time and we clean our high chairs with disinfectant spray each use... Pretty much for this reason.

Yanbu. He was being a dick.

We did this today and this thread has just reminded me that we forgot to clean the high hair tray after! Ah well we left a good tip.

Why is not very nice for the rest of the restaurant? Can't say I have ever noticed if someone else's baby is using their fingers or not, let alone been upset by it.

I just dont think its very good table manners in public. Do what you want in your own home but in a restaurant dumping a plate of pasta on a highchair tray doesn't seem very polite really.

Society doesn't usually expect the same table manners from a baby as they do from an older child or adult. Children under 3 will often use their fingers to get food onto a fork for example, toddlers might eat with their mouth open, babies often burp and spit things out.

Just not chucking the plate, getting too much on the floor, screaming or vomiting is all most other patrons will expect in terms of politeness and table manners in a 13 month old.

Yanbu.

Loads of people use the tray like they would a plate.nothing wrong with it at all I know the restaurant I frequent steams the high chairs after each use and I'm pretty sure they get high chairs in bulk and can also bulk buy replacement trays as the friend of mine who owns it very kindly ordered an extra one as a gift for me and when she gave it to me it came with 3 trays.

She said its because some food stains them.

Baby's eating directly from the trays is something I see so often I wouldn't even notice it. Its much more sensible than a plate being launched across a room.

thats how i feed DS he's also 13mo, infact when they have those wooden high chairs with no trays i put the food on the table. He would just chuck the whole plate of pasta on the floor which would be more mess as well as a waste of food what a prick

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest

I like seeing babies eat. I don't care how they get it in their mouths or how much they drop. They are babies. If they are enjoying food and learning, that's marvellous

Mess is inevitable.

Maybe suggest the restaurant provides plastic plates and cutlery for their youngest guests?

lola? You empty a bowl of pasta onto the table, with sauce?

I see, the answer is to never go out, for fear that other people might see our babies making a mess. As obviously they sit and eat nicely with a knife and fork at the age.

The OP didn't empty a bowl of pasta with sauce onto the tray

She put a few dollops of pasta on the tray for her baby to eat.

TBH, when the waiter said "Is something wrong with the plate?"

I would have said, "Yes. It's china and hot and totally unsuitable for a child of this age you twunt "

Mess aside, I don't really get this BLW, why would you expect that your baby will prefer to put sticky, runny, foods like yoghurt, porridge and saucy stuff in with their hands rather than you spoon it for them? Some babies will enjoy being messy, but there must be some that will not want this stuff all over their hands. Do parents doing BLW refuse to spoon feed them full stop?

I'm sorry but if we invited friends over for lunch and they poured bolgnaise for example onto the table I would have to say something. We have a 1 and 3 year old. Wooden highchairs at table with no tray. They have a mat and either a bowl or plate. Cutlery is expected to be used by 3 year old for his meal, and 1 year old will use for 90% with hand maybe for difficult bit like a stray pea.

I dont mind if food ends up on floor/ table/ chair during meal, but to start the meal with a mess seems a tad strange. When do you decide they are old enough for a plate? My mother has a tablecloth , would you just tip onto tablecloth? ( I know it gets washed but that's for odd bits not a great big korma stain!)

YANBU!

I fed all mine this way, even in public.

BLW id a fab way of teaching children skills.

everlong, why would you feed a child who can feed themselves? My DS managed just fine from 6 months, he had fun. Im guessing thats a bit lacking in your household

When I did blw I used a spoon for anything runny, just preloaded a spoon and hand it to them, they eat it and you take spoon back and repeat. Or just spoonfeed them if they are willing, I wasnt so strict maybe, especially after the first dc.
I did find eating out while blw when they were young pretty stressful though. Much easier to just spoonfeed and be done with it. It's not as easy as all the blw stuff would lead you to believe.

i spoon in stuff like shepards pie, spag bol etc, mayby give a little in a bowl for ds 13 months to try and feed himself but with no big expectations. dry things are on the highchair tray. they will learn in time when they mature. i am not going to cause more work for myself giving a 13 month a bowl full of food and spoon and expect him to know how to feed himself with it. it will all end up on the floor and wasting it

I can't image putting something like pasta directly onto a tray - I am no germophobe at the mere suggestion - but to me, this is grim.

I did BLW but wasn't a purist about it. I deigned to spoon feed when the food required it/was out and about, etc...

maby dry pasta on the tray without the sauce

OMG - the idea of pre-loading spoons to hand over and hand back makes me stabby like little else.

You can make things easy for yourself ... or ludicrously and unbelievably hard on yourself.