To let DS feed himself from the highchair tray?

[mistressploppy]

Long, sorry...

Birthday lunch for a family friend at a country pub. 8 adults, DS1 (3yo) and DS2 (13mo)

We eat out a lot with the DC so they behave pretty well; no shouting, chucking food etc. DS1 eats like a mini-adult, uses cutlery, no probs. DS2 feeds himself nicely and has done for months (BLW) but as his pasta has arrived as an enormous adult-sized portion on a plate, I pick up a dollop or two and put them on the tray of his highchair. He scoffs away. The babywipes are poised next to him.

Waiter(asst.manager/supervisor?) hovers; 'is there something wrong with the plate?'
Me; 'sorry?'
Waiter; 'IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE PLATE?' (crossly, with sarcasm)
Me; um, oh, sorry...it was a bit hot...he tends to push the plate around...might get broken...I WILL clean the tray myself and wipe up any mess when he's finished...
Waiter;'oh, it's just I couldn't believe it when I saw you just dumping it on the tray like that'
Me;
DH; Er, hang on a minute mate, that's how he eats? No harm done! Do you have children?!'
Waiter; 'no, but I was one once, and my mother would never have just put food in front of me like that...she'd have fed me properly'

At this point my bottom lip went and DH asked him if he'd meant to be so rude(!). He then said; 'well, half of your party were 30mins late for the booking, and then she (gestures) dumps food straight on the table....'

I got a bit upset. Soothing noises ensued from all our party. After about 20mins he returns

Waiter; 'um, right, about earlier; I'm sorry you were upset but... '
Me; (cutting in) 'are you apologising?'
Waiter; 'no, thank you for cleaning up, but I stand by what I sai..'
Me; (nicely) 'I don't want to hear it, thanks!'
Waiter; (loudly, while walking off with his hands raised in despair) 'Ok, fine, you just carry on doing that in every restaurant you go to and see what happens...'

and

WIBU?

She didnt order him a large plate of pasta, she ordered a childs portion but ut arrived as a large portion on a large hot plate.

And re benefits everlong there is a pist a page or two back about the benefits and why the nhs now recomends blw.

I did what is known as blw with ds1 (13) only it didnt have a 'name' then and my mum did the same with me and my sister, prob the only parenting method that my mum and i actually agree on!

lljkk - I've never specified the size of the plate I want a child's meal to come on Even a small, hot china plate isn't really suitable for a 13 month old though.

everlong - so you spoonfed your children until the day they could feed themselves without making a mess or using their fingers? They never needed any practice at it, just by 13 months could feed themselves off a china plate with out touching the food or any risk or the plate being chucked?

5 eggs exactly!! I fed my 20 18 and 16 year old babies the same as I feed my new one - sometimes a spoon - sometimes 'feeding themselves'

BLW is just a label and not what this op is about

Are you sure? I thought OP posted only twice and didn't say either time that she had ordered a child portion.

Anyway, most the rest of thread is baying for blood, OP should be happy with that.

Incidentally, how does a child learn how to use cutlery properly without there being any mess at all?

Ds is pretty good at using a spoon now, at 19 months, but it's taken a while for him to get the hang of getting food on the spoon and then keeping the spoon right side up until it's in his mouth. There were plenty of occasions where he turned the spoon over too soon and accidentally dropped the food on himself or the highchair tray.

Your points are extremely contradictory everlong

Either the comment was tongue in cheek or it wasn't
Either BLW only makes things harder OR you feel parents only do it because they are lazy
Either you are merely stating what works best for you personally OR you are making judgements on others.

FWIW, my friend and I weaned differently:

She prefered to put more effort in before dinner (i.e blending), I prefered to put more in after (i.e slightly more cleaning up)
She preferred the satisfaction of an empty bowl, I preferred the satisfaction of watching DS inspect morsels of food with his hands.
She preferred the convenience of jars, I preferred the convenience of giving food off my plate
She preferred missing out on a tiny bit of conversation whilst spoon feeding her child, I preferred missing out on a tiny bit of conversation whilst cleaning the tray after
She enjoyed feeding her child, I enjoyed feeding myself whilst watching him play/ eat

Both children ate, both children are fine. Both children are good eaters ( although hers is slightly more fussy but only an idiot would make an assumption based on one example right?) What's not to get?

I really don't get the op bashing either - modem mumsner decrees she's looking for a fight

So in this situation where the plate is unsuitable, you wouldn't just put the food and a spoon in front of them? I find that a bit odd.

OMG - YANBU at all. What a collossal nobber MistressPloppy I am incredibly impressed with the restraint you guys showed and hope it didn't wreck the birthday meal. Complain for sure if you didn't already.

So I have the luxury of knowing MistreesPloppy and her DH LordPloppy and if that's how she says it went down SneakyNinja, then that is how it went down.

To DolomitesDonkey yes, he absolutely would say that and mega cringe on your behalf that you would actually type that! Ouch - seriously, why?

Thank you all for the amusing thread...

Yes because bringing up a previous post as a way of validating my point is clearly a very underhanded tactic in debating.

Anyway, as I said before the post that caused the 'bunfight' as you choose to call it said nothing about your preferences but rather was an unfair swipe at thousands of parents including myself. You have since retracted the comment as merely 'tongue in cheek' so I see no further need to justify anything. You're happy with your methods, I'm happy with mine. Happy Sunday Peeps. This thread has run its course with me.

On the subject of BLW, I really do think there's a lot of heat around normal / traditional (seriously - it was once normal and traditional to send children of seven out to work in factories and up chimneys but that's not a reason to keep doing it). When I told my Grandmother what we were doing she replied, "All of my boys were feeding themselves at that age, it's just normal." So I prefer to think of it as feeding kids. No dramaz.

This is a video of my DC3 learning to eat in the first month . At the first meal you can see the lack of coordination and strength in her fingers and then how swiftly that changes as she gets going. As you can see a week in she's feeding herself soup and porrige from a spoon (which we have scooped and handed over on her request).

What I'm trying to say in my own clumsy way is we could all do ourselves a favour and accept that it's all feeding kids and not a battle ground. We make our choices based on the information and advice available to us. We all believe we are doing the best for our children, we really do. If other people make different choices they don't invalidate your choices. Really, there's no need to jump all over people doing things differently.

everlong, you did add quite a few extra posts that seemed to back up the original "slightly tongue in cheek" judgy post.

This statement everlong:

""I've always reckoned that BLW is a big copout for Mothers that can't be arsed to feed them""

That right there.

BLW is nothing new-it was just that it was a mix and you didn't have to remove some things out of the diet because it needed a spoon. It is never baby led-they still eat what the mother gives them and when the mother wants to give it. The only choice is whether they pick it up, as opposed to whether they open their mouth. My baby was the messy eater in the restaurant because he was using a spoon part of the time.

Not getting involved with the debate but I have recently bought a mat that rolls up nice and small in my change bag, has rubber suckers, and is great for eating out as I have washed it and dettolled it already at home and can milton wipe it if needs be. I mostly do finger foods too as my baby can even make a right mess with puree, so at home we use the highchair tray and have done the same out and about (although would avoid doing it with spag bol that could stain their tray orange), but the new mat has made life easier. As you say, a bowl or plate would be emptied straight out onto the floor!

I did blw, it's amazing lazy parenting! Great for baby, easy for mum.

It's win win, excluding the cleaning up ( if you don't have a dog :-) )

There was nothing wrong with what you did Op, waiter was an ignorant fool.

I think your mistake was not giving him a dressing down. He's paid to WAIT on you, not pass judgment. You should have reminded him of his position.

I waited tables for years as a student and would never have been so rude.

Have to say, I really don't get blw, purely because I don't believe a 6-12 month old could feed themselves a full meal if left to their own devices.

My DC only began to eat food put on their tray sensibly, rather than playing with it, at about 18 months.

I've only known a couple of blw babies and they were tiny. Could have been coincidence, of course.

Sorry OP, the waiter in your situation sounds utterly horrendous, by the way. What happened to 'the customer is always right?! Bizarre!

OK, he might have been rude and could benefit from a course in customer service to address his abrupt attitude, but am I missing something, as I do think he actually had a point (even if he was rude!)
Would YOU just eat your food if it was dumped unceremoniously in front of you?
Why should babies be expected to eat off the table? Is eating off the floor OK then if you're taking that stance?
Nothing wrong with instilling table manners at an early age.
I'd have just asked for a smaller plate so it would fit on the high chair tray easily.