To let DS feed himself from the highchair tray?

[mistressploppy]

Long, sorry...

Birthday lunch for a family friend at a country pub. 8 adults, DS1 (3yo) and DS2 (13mo)

We eat out a lot with the DC so they behave pretty well; no shouting, chucking food etc. DS1 eats like a mini-adult, uses cutlery, no probs. DS2 feeds himself nicely and has done for months (BLW) but as his pasta has arrived as an enormous adult-sized portion on a plate, I pick up a dollop or two and put them on the tray of his highchair. He scoffs away. The babywipes are poised next to him.

Waiter(asst.manager/supervisor?) hovers; 'is there something wrong with the plate?'
Me; 'sorry?'
Waiter; 'IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE PLATE?' (crossly, with sarcasm)
Me; um, oh, sorry...it was a bit hot...he tends to push the plate around...might get broken...I WILL clean the tray myself and wipe up any mess when he's finished...
Waiter;'oh, it's just I couldn't believe it when I saw you just dumping it on the tray like that'
Me;
DH; Er, hang on a minute mate, that's how he eats? No harm done! Do you have children?!'
Waiter; 'no, but I was one once, and my mother would never have just put food in front of me like that...she'd have fed me properly'

At this point my bottom lip went and DH asked him if he'd meant to be so rude(!). He then said; 'well, half of your party were 30mins late for the booking, and then she (gestures) dumps food straight on the table....'

I got a bit upset. Soothing noises ensued from all our party. After about 20mins he returns

Waiter; 'um, right, about earlier; I'm sorry you were upset but... '
Me; (cutting in) 'are you apologising?'
Waiter; 'no, thank you for cleaning up, but I stand by what I sai..'
Me; (nicely) 'I don't want to hear it, thanks!'
Waiter; (loudly, while walking off with his hands raised in despair) 'Ok, fine, you just carry on doing that in every restaurant you go to and see what happens...'

and

WIBU?

Yanbu that waiter was very rude and ignorant. What are highchairs for . He was a baby once so that makes him an expert on babies and weaning

I can't imagine ever just plopping food on a tray!

Blw here also, but that's what a bowl/ plate is for surely. I wouldn't expect many to still be throwing plate on the floor at this age. Plate from 6 months means by 13 months they have been told several times to not throw and have learnt.

A highchair tray can't go into a dishwasher.

How do you all feed porridge/ soup/ risotto/ curry/ lasagne... The list goes on. It's sloppy and a lot different than a bit of food going on the tray/ floor. Sorry but I would be shocked also if I saw this out in a restaurant.

It is possible to use a spoon when the food is on the tray!

For all those saying the OP is BU what do you suggest?

My DS is 13 months and won't be spoon fed and likes to feed himself using his hands. The alternative is the plate ends up on the floor. Is that a better solution? I doubt it!

Some people are so precious! Yes food goes on a highchair tray, big deal.

Shocked? Really?

forever my 13 month old with many other babies would chuck the bowl on the floor, at that age they tend to not have the coordination to use cutlery properly

yanbu. My ds is 11 months and feeds like this, the onyl thing he'll allow me to actually spoon feed him is his special yoghurt, and even then he doesn't like being fed. If I put a plate on the tray, it'd be thrown. I wouldn't do it with pasta in sauce, I presume OPs pasta was plain. I'd worry it would stain the tray and make a hell of a mess of ds so wouldn;t order that int eh first place. But plain pasta, some raisins, fruit or veg? Go for it. I always clean up after him, and have never had anything but positive comments about how good he is at feeding himself. i think people who are horrified may forget how little 13 months old is. It is not normal at all to be feeding themselves nicely with a spoon at that age. Ime.

forever not all babies are the same, they are still babies and are learning and yes at times the bowl will go on the floor along with the contents, you must have a very unusually compliant baby because not many i know are like this

forevergreek, not everyone has a dishwasher. Does that mean their plates are not clean enough to eat off? A high chair tray is perfectly cleanable (would end up in a horrendous state otherwise whether or not plates were used)

As an aside, our tray can go into the dishwasher

YANBU. My 13mo eats off the tray or (shock horror) the table if the highchair doesn't have a tray. Give her a plate, even a plastic one, and it goes on the floor. Give her a spoon and the food gets flicked all over the place or she picks it off and eats it with her fingers. I have a pack of Milton wipes to clean before and after and I also pick up as much as I can off the floor. The highchair usually ends up cleaner then it was before we used it. I don't see what the issue is. The waiter was a twonk - complain.

We used to take the boys their own plastic bowls, since their food was always served on plates that were too hot (and DS2 went through a phase of refusing to eat out of anything but one particular bowl, anyhow). We also took antibac wipes, since those high chairs are always revolting.

that waiter needs to learn to butt out!!

But... I always take a plastic bowl out with us when we go to a restaurant, as my dd (2) always throws things and even a childs portion is too much for her.

Name the chain so we can all boycott it.

Yanbu.

forever i would not expect a 3 year old to throw food on the floor at that age but a 13 months BABY yes of course. As I said some do not yes have the motor skills to coordinate cutery and for it to meet their mouth properly, some adults cant even master it. these are high expectations for a baby really, and judging by the majority, babies that age do throw bowls on the floor

But restaurants do have a dishwasher. Having to scrub a tray from a staining sauce for example wouldn't be helpful. Most places would just wipe crumbs/ odd bits off

I don't think ours are unusually complient. I have worked with many many children across the world In my line of work, I genuinely have never seen anyone place a meal directly on a tray.

Learn a new thing every day I suppose

Forevergreek I have to say in my experience having 3 daughters, a child of 13 months is not fully 'trained' and does not have a clear handle on what is good/bad or polite/inpolite behaviour yet, even when reminded on a regular basis. My 10 month old grabs anything near her and usually ends up dropping it as she can't hold things to well, I doubt this will improve greatly in the next 3 months.

well thats what books encourage parents to do actually, to place food on the tray so that the babies can learn coordination and to feed themselves.

I have done blw with both of mine and eat out a lot. I only put dry stuff (roasted veg, fruit, plain pasta , pieces of dryish meat etc) but anything wet with sauce on I put it on a side plate and then I hold on to it while they eat. PITA but I can still eat my meal with one hand. Can't bear the mess and cleaning up afterwards of a sauce covered tray. Wouldn't bother me what anybody elss did though.
The waiter was very rude.

YWBVU. Either a) feed your child with a spoon, b) give him a small bowl and spoon and he feeds himself or c) as a last resort put some pasta in a bowl and he picks it out by hand [shudder]

But hey, this is BLW for you

i tend to put dry stuff on the tray like chicken, potatoes, veg, chopped fruit etc but if its got a sauce i tend to give a little in a bowl and a spoon for ds to try and feed himself, and the rest i spoon it in. the bowl gets chucked usually on the floor

Wow, YANBU. How horribly rude, please complain that was awful behaviour on his part and totally uncalled for.

forevergreek I don't have a dishwasher, does that mean my plates and highchair trays aren't fit to be eaten from?

13 months is still very little, yes some can manage to spoon feed themselves by then but it is still a messy process and a plate is just another thing to be dropped on the floor, be it by accident or on purpose. Of course you were not BU to put his food on the tray, you cleaned it first and intended to clean it again afterwards.

There are some odd and downright rude people about.

I love it when people say in my line of work I never have seen it. I dont have a line of work and I see it all the time. Maybe your line of work is is particularily limited as to never have seen someone put there babies food on a tray. I do love how aibu turns nothing in to a massive you are a terrible mum thread. Thank god in this most people are being reasonable.

i had a similar ezxperience with one of my minded children. We took him out for Sunday Lunch (yes I mind at weekends) to the local carvery (nowt special) with my family. the LO was having some of my roast and i palsed it neatly on a small plate on the high chair.

now this particular child has an artistic temprement and likes to sexpress himself through food (!) if its not mushed into his hair, eyes and ears then he isnt 'getting the full sensation'. He's not yet two and he launched himself into the food with gusto. he may be messy, but he is doing his best!

a waitress came running over to see if everything was alright, 'only hes making a terrible mess'

I said, thats the way he eats and hes not bothering anyone else ( hes a musher not a thrower, tank goodness).

I said, dont worry, we wont leave a mess.

then dismissed her! well, he did spread the food all over his face and he ate some. we tidied up the mess, left it cleaner than when we arrived, juding by the colour of the babywipe when i cleaned the floor.

some people just dont think... but we stil chuckle about her overreaction!

I wouldn't do it in a restaurant, no. But then BLW always seems like mess on a grand scale to me. I'd spoon feed, then give baby a bread roll to munch on.

Shudder at a baby feeding themselves with their hands?! I didn't BLW but at 13 months DD refused to let us feed her. I'd put bits in the tray at a time, meant she couldn't throw/ drop too much!