To let DS feed himself from the highchair tray?

[mistressploppy]

Long, sorry...

Birthday lunch for a family friend at a country pub. 8 adults, DS1 (3yo) and DS2 (13mo)

We eat out a lot with the DC so they behave pretty well; no shouting, chucking food etc. DS1 eats like a mini-adult, uses cutlery, no probs. DS2 feeds himself nicely and has done for months (BLW) but as his pasta has arrived as an enormous adult-sized portion on a plate, I pick up a dollop or two and put them on the tray of his highchair. He scoffs away. The babywipes are poised next to him.

Waiter(asst.manager/supervisor?) hovers; 'is there something wrong with the plate?'
Me; 'sorry?'
Waiter; 'IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE PLATE?' (crossly, with sarcasm)
Me; um, oh, sorry...it was a bit hot...he tends to push the plate around...might get broken...I WILL clean the tray myself and wipe up any mess when he's finished...
Waiter;'oh, it's just I couldn't believe it when I saw you just dumping it on the tray like that'
Me;
DH; Er, hang on a minute mate, that's how he eats? No harm done! Do you have children?!'
Waiter; 'no, but I was one once, and my mother would never have just put food in front of me like that...she'd have fed me properly'

At this point my bottom lip went and DH asked him if he'd meant to be so rude(!). He then said; 'well, half of your party were 30mins late for the booking, and then she (gestures) dumps food straight on the table....'

I got a bit upset. Soothing noises ensued from all our party. After about 20mins he returns

Waiter; 'um, right, about earlier; I'm sorry you were upset but... '
Me; (cutting in) 'are you apologising?'
Waiter; 'no, thank you for cleaning up, but I stand by what I sai..'
Me; (nicely) 'I don't want to hear it, thanks!'
Waiter; (loudly, while walking off with his hands raised in despair) 'Ok, fine, you just carry on doing that in every restaurant you go to and see what happens...'

and

WIBU?

My DS2 did exactly the same- only we didn't used to call it blw- it was just what babies did. The waiter said he was their messiest customer ever! However he said it to DS2 in a jokey way, and he had been really friendly all the way through. DS1 was very impressed to have his brother as the messiest customer ever!

We didn't clean the tray either- the waiter said it was quite alright.

Where do we stand on chop sticks?

Also I took my dcs to tapas bars when they were babies. Was I unreasonable to demand cutlery so as to set a good example?

Babies shouldn't stand on chopsticks obviously. That is to be frowned upon.

Hotcross, have a drink

YANBU.

The waiter was extremely rude. I've seen plenty of people put food directly onto highchair trays when eating out. And the waiter's daft, if he really thinks that a large, hot, china plate is suitable for a 13 month old child to eat directly from.

DS also tends to throw plates etc around, so no way could we leave a china plate on his highchair tray unless one of us was holding on to the plate at all times.

And FWIW, we ended up doing BLW with DS because he refused to take anything off a spoon unless he was holding it all by himself. Any attempts by us to spoonfeed him anything were met with a tightly clamped shut mouth, and him straining his head as far away from the spoon as possible. So we gave up on 'conventional' weaning very quickly, as it was getting us absolutely nowhere, and was clearly against DS's wishes.

DS will occasionally allow us to spoonfeed him some food now (he's 19 months now), but only if it's a food that he recognises as being something he likes.

I'd also point out to everlong that BLW parents are still meant to supervise their childrens meals, in case they start to choke on their food. You don't (or shouldn't, at any rate) just put food down in front of the baby and then wander off to do something more exciting.

Why are you bothering with a straw, o weaselly one?

Bend over and lick it up!

Erm, Everlong, how do you think people fed their babies before spoons and puréeimg tools were invented? Or in societies now where they don't use Western-style utensils? You say you don't get BLW and no, you don't.

I mixed-fed DS, before you accuse me of being a BLW evangelist, btw. Sometimes he wanted me to feed him, sometimes he wanted to feed himself. BLW really does take more work. And was actually often mich less messy.

What a strange man.

We always do this, unless it's something particularly sloppy. If we give DS2 access to a bowl he will immediately up-end it over his own head.

If we let him do it himself, he eats perfectly well. Until he decides he has had enough and the only way to express that is to hurl a piece of pasta at me while shouting "Bye bye!"

We always clean up as best we can, although usually someone tells us not to worry about it.

Secret and Hotcross, have some chocolate too, just dont make a mess!!!!

Waiter; 'no, but I was one once, and my mother would never have just put food in front of me like that...she'd have fed me properly'

You: 'It's a shame she didn't give the same attention to teaching you some decent manners, isn't it?'

What an absolute cock. I'd have been fired for talking to a customer like that when I was a waitress. Bellend.

Ditto everlong

So what exactly is the 'normal' way, then?

YANBU. I made some portable, non-slip, wipe clean mats for just this purpose. I'd leave a review about it on top table or trip advisor (or an of the other review sites)

YANBU of course, however I don't believe for one moment your husband actually said "did you mean to be so rude?" I'm cringing on your behalf that you actually wrote that.

YWNBU IMHO.
The waiter behaved like a bit of a fuckwit tbh.
Never mind.

And the judgey pants award goes to ......

everlong

Totally fine to have a different opinion but calling yourself "normal" and thus implying people who disagree are "abnormal" is definitely judgey!

I'll tell you what I don't understand everlong. Your point? Either the 'normal' way is easier and best and therefore all the thousands of parents that go down the BLW route are stupid or we only do it because we are lazy and it's easier. Which is it because it can't be both?
Why on earth you would give a flying fuck how other people feed their children when it causes the child no harm and you no inconvenience whatsoever is completely beyond me

The reason you are being judgey and not merely having a difference of opinion is because you are not simply saying "I prefer this method because", you are making quite negative assumptions about the people that make different decisions to you. Anybody with an ounce of intelligence can see pros and cons on both 'sides' and indeed with mixing it up completely and doing your own thing ( which is what most people do).
I just hope that you are not as dismissive and judgemental with your own children when and if they decide to do something 'you don't understand' with their children.