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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is DH a selfish twunt?

109 replies

Pontouf · 21/03/2013 16:06

I am 37+5 with my second child so unreasonableness comes as standard with the swelling, discomfort, general fed-upness.

However, DH booked our summer holiday today. I have been feeling pretty low, am so ready for this pregnancy to be finished and am finding it hard work being his pregnant and spending all day with my very lively (although admittedly generally very sweet) 2.4yo DS. This hasn't been the easiest pregnancy - morning sickness till 30 weeks, pluerisy over Christmas which went on and on. So, I was really happy that the holiday was books and was going to give me something to focus on after the baby comes.

Anyway, I when DH texted me to say it was booked I replied saying "Yay! So excited!". He responded saying, "Great, while you're in a good mood just wanted to let you know I've invited the lads over for the weekend of your birthday, hope that's ok. Love you, bye xxx".

DH has a group of friends who are scattered over the country. They don't see much of each other but tend to meet up for whole weekends about 3 times a year either in a holiday cottage or at one of their houses. They generally get drunk and play games. They are all in their early 30s. I have no problem with these weekends away in general, I like these blokes a lot and DH always has a great time.

However, the weekend of my birthday is 6 weeks after my due date. I replied with a slightly hysterical "What?! You've invited the lads to stay at our house when we'll have a 6 week old baby? And it's my birthday? And you didn't think that maybe you should discuss with me first?" he responded saying that he thought that as my birthday was actually on the friday, we could do something then and maybe I might like to go and stay at my Mum's for the weekend? My Mum lives 150 miles away and the journey involves a large section of the M25.

Soooo AIBU to think that a) organising a lads weekend for a time when we will have a 6 week old baby is fairly shitty, b) that inviting the lads to have the weekend at our house so that me, my DS and the baby will have to all leave for the duration is particularly shitty, especially when the journey to my Mum's is potentially 4-5 hours with a baby who will be BFing every 2-3 hours and a toddler who hates long car journeys and i will be doing it on my own. And c) that it shows a total lack of care about my birthday to do it that weekend anyway? Point C is probably debatable as it is not an important birthday and I am a big girl but I had hoped that I might have a little bit of a fuss made when I will have just borne his second child?!

I have responded to the latest text with a simple "we can talk about it we you get home". I am getting more and more angry about it as the day goes on though and just want to check that I am not in the middle of some hormonal red mist! Thanks for managing to get to the end of this epic post if indeed you have....

OP posts:
Thisisaeuphemism · 21/03/2013 16:09

He is a complete twat

DIYapprentice · 21/03/2013 16:09

YANBU at all!!!! I'd be shitty as all hell and would demand he cancel it.

Wolfiefan · 21/03/2013 16:10

He is indeed a massive twunt. Effectively kicking you and the kids out of the house! What if baby is late and you have a c section? You may well not be fit to drive!
LTB (or even better get him to take toddler just for the weekend and let you put your feet up!)

DIYapprentice · 21/03/2013 16:10

Actually, I would tell him 'cancel it NOW, or else I will contact the 'lads' and cancel it on your behalf and not give a flying fuck if you feel embarassed!!!'

raspberryroop · 21/03/2013 16:11

Who the hell knows what sort of birth you will have ??? Just say no

ENormaSnob · 21/03/2013 16:11

He is a selfish cunt.

I am 37+4 so feeling your pain!

lurkedtoolong · 21/03/2013 16:13

Selfish cunt of the highest order.

No discussion required. He cancels it now.

catyloopylou · 21/03/2013 16:13

YANBU. I'd contact his friends myself to cancel! He was being particularly thoughtless.

Dahlen · 21/03/2013 16:13

Well if he's not being selfish, he's being incredibly stupid. No ifs, buts or compromises, he should cancel and not be doing anything that prioritises his social life over his family for the first few months post birth.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/03/2013 16:14

Six weeks after my due date I was 3 weeks post CS.

Sod cancelling the lads' weekend. Schedule his vasectomy that weekend. Leave him with recovery and the two kids. Give him a taste of his own.

Pontouf · 21/03/2013 16:14

Oh good, glad to have a bit of back up! Part of the reason I am so pissed off is that it was him who suggested the date and venue to his mates. Which means that if they all say they can make it (it can be difficult for them to find weekends everyone can do) he will have to go back to them and say that I have said he can't do it! Which makes me look like some bloody harridan stopping his fun when in fact he shouldn't have fucking suggested it in the first place!

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 21/03/2013 16:15

YANBU H is off his head. Don't bat an eyelid about coming over as "unreasonable" who cares what his pals think.

Alternatively, why not say "DC1 is really looking forward to his weekend with Daddy's friends" and with the money H's saving on a hotel or holiday cottage, book yourself, DC2 and Mum in a nice hotel somewhere no more than an hour away where she can join you by train.

GlitterySkulls · 21/03/2013 16:16

there's no way i'd be de-camping elsewhere so he could have a piss-up at ANY TIME, never mind when i'd just gave birth.

snuffaluffagus · 21/03/2013 16:17

He's being a massive dick. If he didn't contact them to cancel it, I would.

nothingisnothing · 21/03/2013 16:17

I agree YANBU!! Point B would be my biggest gripe. Men just don't think do they......well they do, but mostly about themselves.

HermioneE · 21/03/2013 16:20

Let this thread gather plenty of YADNBUs then email it to his friends. That way at least you won't look like the only mean spoilsport, all of us will too Grin

Pontouf · 21/03/2013 16:21

Bloody love you lot. I might just show him this thread when he gets home and leave it at that!

OP posts:
Pontouf · 21/03/2013 16:21

Great minds HermionE

OP posts:
magimedi · 21/03/2013 16:23

YANBU at all - he is being, at best inconsiderate & unthinking, at worst a really selfish dickhead.

chocoflump · 21/03/2013 16:23

Yanbu- he is being a total arse!! No discussion required- tell him it has to be cancelled! Ds was 2.4 when dd was born- its bloomin hard work!! Even now when dd is 7 months DH would still be told to cancel if it was him!! Wink

blibblibs · 21/03/2013 16:23

YANBU

HeartsEggsDiamonds · 21/03/2013 16:24

YADNBU. HTH.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 21/03/2013 16:24

'maybe I might like to go and stay at my Mum's for the weekend?' Shock

Utter twunt.

openerofjars · 21/03/2013 16:24

Can I just add to the general consensus of holy crap what a twat the man is?

Good grief, I've heard it all now.

SugariceisaGoodEgg · 21/03/2013 16:24

He was very thoughtless and frankly an arse to arrange this and to expect you and the dc's to go to your Mother's Shock. Is he usually this dense?

He should cancel it without hesitation, will he?