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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is DH a selfish twunt?

109 replies

Pontouf · 21/03/2013 16:06

I am 37+5 with my second child so unreasonableness comes as standard with the swelling, discomfort, general fed-upness.

However, DH booked our summer holiday today. I have been feeling pretty low, am so ready for this pregnancy to be finished and am finding it hard work being his pregnant and spending all day with my very lively (although admittedly generally very sweet) 2.4yo DS. This hasn't been the easiest pregnancy - morning sickness till 30 weeks, pluerisy over Christmas which went on and on. So, I was really happy that the holiday was books and was going to give me something to focus on after the baby comes.

Anyway, I when DH texted me to say it was booked I replied saying "Yay! So excited!". He responded saying, "Great, while you're in a good mood just wanted to let you know I've invited the lads over for the weekend of your birthday, hope that's ok. Love you, bye xxx".

DH has a group of friends who are scattered over the country. They don't see much of each other but tend to meet up for whole weekends about 3 times a year either in a holiday cottage or at one of their houses. They generally get drunk and play games. They are all in their early 30s. I have no problem with these weekends away in general, I like these blokes a lot and DH always has a great time.

However, the weekend of my birthday is 6 weeks after my due date. I replied with a slightly hysterical "What?! You've invited the lads to stay at our house when we'll have a 6 week old baby? And it's my birthday? And you didn't think that maybe you should discuss with me first?" he responded saying that he thought that as my birthday was actually on the friday, we could do something then and maybe I might like to go and stay at my Mum's for the weekend? My Mum lives 150 miles away and the journey involves a large section of the M25.

Soooo AIBU to think that a) organising a lads weekend for a time when we will have a 6 week old baby is fairly shitty, b) that inviting the lads to have the weekend at our house so that me, my DS and the baby will have to all leave for the duration is particularly shitty, especially when the journey to my Mum's is potentially 4-5 hours with a baby who will be BFing every 2-3 hours and a toddler who hates long car journeys and i will be doing it on my own. And c) that it shows a total lack of care about my birthday to do it that weekend anyway? Point C is probably debatable as it is not an important birthday and I am a big girl but I had hoped that I might have a little bit of a fuss made when I will have just borne his second child?!

I have responded to the latest text with a simple "we can talk about it we you get home". I am getting more and more angry about it as the day goes on though and just want to check that I am not in the middle of some hormonal red mist! Thanks for managing to get to the end of this epic post if indeed you have....

OP posts:
Pontouf · 21/03/2013 22:44

Thanks got all the responses. It has helped me sort it all out in my head without being over emotional.

UPDATE: DH came home from football and could tell I wasn't best pleased. He immediately apologised for springing the weekend on me and said that it was just a suggestion he made to solve a problem that was being talked about in a group email and obviously he wouldn't have confirmed it before speaking to me. I explained the practicalities of what he was suggesting and he agreed straight away that he was being unreasonable and apologised. I think part of it is that old thing of the baby not being real for some men until it is actually here and so isn't automatically at the forefront of their minds when making plans whereas for me the baby is at the top of my thoughts all the time (mainly cos it's head is banging me in the sodding cervix 24 hours a day.) Anyway he has contacted his mates and told them that he's an idiot and they'll have to rearrange for a later date and different venue. Thanks for all the support and suggestions. Glad it was that he hadn't thought about it properly rather than that he had and had decided it would be fine. I know he should have thought about it but he has been really apologetic and sweet so I'm going to let it slide. He really is usually pretty good about this stuff.

Also told him he'd better come up with something pretty special for my birthday.....

OP posts:
cjel · 21/03/2013 22:49

Well Done DH. Good result!!! That birthday better be good now after putting you through hours of extra stress!!!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/03/2013 23:03

Good for DH. The boy come good.

LondonNinja · 21/03/2013 23:04

Phew, great stuff! Thoughtlessness is forgiveable Smile

Hope he treats you vairy nicely for your birthday!

YouTheCat · 21/03/2013 23:05

Excellent. Smile

openerofjars · 21/03/2013 23:07

Yay! silly chump, though

Filofax · 21/03/2013 23:11

Been following thread. Pleased your DH has seen sense (with your guidance) and you can relax and prepare for your new arrival, and enjoy your birthday at the time. It seems he does now but once your baby arrives he will realise his major gaff.

DumSpiroSpero · 21/03/2013 23:31

Awwww - I do love a happy ending.

Glad he was being a daft bugger rather than a tosspot!

Inertia · 21/03/2013 23:33

Ah, that's a happy ending. Glad to see it's thoughtlessness rather than full-on twuntery.

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