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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is DH a selfish twunt?

109 replies

Pontouf · 21/03/2013 16:06

I am 37+5 with my second child so unreasonableness comes as standard with the swelling, discomfort, general fed-upness.

However, DH booked our summer holiday today. I have been feeling pretty low, am so ready for this pregnancy to be finished and am finding it hard work being his pregnant and spending all day with my very lively (although admittedly generally very sweet) 2.4yo DS. This hasn't been the easiest pregnancy - morning sickness till 30 weeks, pluerisy over Christmas which went on and on. So, I was really happy that the holiday was books and was going to give me something to focus on after the baby comes.

Anyway, I when DH texted me to say it was booked I replied saying "Yay! So excited!". He responded saying, "Great, while you're in a good mood just wanted to let you know I've invited the lads over for the weekend of your birthday, hope that's ok. Love you, bye xxx".

DH has a group of friends who are scattered over the country. They don't see much of each other but tend to meet up for whole weekends about 3 times a year either in a holiday cottage or at one of their houses. They generally get drunk and play games. They are all in their early 30s. I have no problem with these weekends away in general, I like these blokes a lot and DH always has a great time.

However, the weekend of my birthday is 6 weeks after my due date. I replied with a slightly hysterical "What?! You've invited the lads to stay at our house when we'll have a 6 week old baby? And it's my birthday? And you didn't think that maybe you should discuss with me first?" he responded saying that he thought that as my birthday was actually on the friday, we could do something then and maybe I might like to go and stay at my Mum's for the weekend? My Mum lives 150 miles away and the journey involves a large section of the M25.

Soooo AIBU to think that a) organising a lads weekend for a time when we will have a 6 week old baby is fairly shitty, b) that inviting the lads to have the weekend at our house so that me, my DS and the baby will have to all leave for the duration is particularly shitty, especially when the journey to my Mum's is potentially 4-5 hours with a baby who will be BFing every 2-3 hours and a toddler who hates long car journeys and i will be doing it on my own. And c) that it shows a total lack of care about my birthday to do it that weekend anyway? Point C is probably debatable as it is not an important birthday and I am a big girl but I had hoped that I might have a little bit of a fuss made when I will have just borne his second child?!

I have responded to the latest text with a simple "we can talk about it we you get home". I am getting more and more angry about it as the day goes on though and just want to check that I am not in the middle of some hormonal red mist! Thanks for managing to get to the end of this epic post if indeed you have....

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 21/03/2013 18:44

That's a good point. You need the all clear to be able to drive or your insurance will be invalid.

GraceSpeaker · 21/03/2013 18:51

I've just read this to my DH and he said "Surely that's grounds for divorce?"! There you go - sane male perspective!

NatashaBee · 21/03/2013 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyBeagleEyes · 21/03/2013 18:59

Would you mind if the meet up was at another venue?

Goldmandra · 21/03/2013 19:01

You need the all clear to be able to drive or your insurance will be invalid

When I had a CS my insurance co told me it was up to me to decide when I was ready to drive again.

BeckAndCall · 21/03/2013 19:06

Easy solution - borrow his phone to cancel it as soon as he comes in with the message to all his friends 'OMG I'm such a twat! Totally forgot my wife is having our second child that month!'

Job done

Manchesterhistorygirl · 21/03/2013 19:08

Pountof he's being a pillock.

At 6 weeks post due date with ds2, I was 4 weeks post emergency section. Failed vbac due to lack of progression and falling heart rate. Ds1 was also breech so had an elective first time. I had also just got over a bout of d&v at 3 weeks post section. That was fun.

Tell him not to be a twonk.

Buddhagirl · 21/03/2013 19:16

He should at least have asked you first! He's not a single man with no responsibilities! Explain how it is 1, unfair and 2, a bit odd tbh. Are you really laid back with him generally?

Buddhagirl · 21/03/2013 19:18

He should at least have asked you first! He's not a single man with no responsibilities! Explain how it is 1, unfair and 2, a bit odd tbh. Are you really laid back with him generally?

Inertia · 21/03/2013 19:36

There's no benefit of the doubt to be given here. He is 100% in the wrong- he shouldn't be arranging visitors without consulting you, especially with a newborn , double especially on your birthday- and he most certainly should not expect to send a woman recovering from CS on a 3 hour drive with a toddler and a newborn.

You could always point out that you're likely to still be bleeding profusely and sitting topless much of the time to let your scar heal and put cabbage leaves on your breasts- his mates might be a bit thrown by that...

I wonder whether he's actually doing that thing where he presents you with the worst case scenario, and then suggests a marginally less ridiculous plan. I bet he'll come back and say you're right, he's reconsidered- and they are all off to spend that weekend at XXXX' s house instead. He'll then put on a pained face when you object to him disappearing on your birthday, and then bleat about how considerate he is to meet elsewhere.

MooseBeTimeForCoffee · 21/03/2013 19:40

Goldmandra I did use the word "probably"

Goldmandra · 21/03/2013 20:47

I did use the word "probably"

You did Moose. It wasn't you I was quoting Smile

It was meant to be informative, not argumentative, sorry Thanks

Whatalotofpiffle · 21/03/2013 20:50

Similar happened to me the Christmas dd was born, and I stood my ground, got it cancelled and afterwards dh saw sense

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 21/03/2013 20:59

My new favourite phrase - "'No' is a complete sentence". Grin

olivertheoctopus · 21/03/2013 21:15

YANBU. Well maybe a tad re c) but not a) or b). I'd be beyond furious.

SweetSeraphim · 21/03/2013 21:22

Fucking hell! What is it with these selfish arseholes?

Absolutely refuse, OP. I avoid conflict, but there is no way I'd be accepting of that. The cheek of it!

Yfronts · 21/03/2013 21:27

OMG he is the biggest twat in the history of twats.

Take charge - don't wait for the twat to. Text or email or FB all his friends (include him also) and say 'sorry chaps, hubby told you the wrong date/location. I'll be quietly resting at my home with a 6 week old baby that weekend but actually may have a nice big glass of wine anyway, what with my birthday being that weekend'

OxfordBags · 21/03/2013 21:37

What's wrong with being a harridan? Never understood why women don't want to look naggy or whatever. Fuck that shit. I'd rather be a nagging hellbitch than have someone take the piss.

Anyway, he is a thoughtless, selfish twunt. It's not only totally disrespectful towards you, it's cheeky to presume your mum will just drop everything to accomodate you at a time of his choosing (evenif she'd be overjoyed to ahve you, it's cheeky), and it's very thoughtless towards your existing child and the one you're about to have: the massive change will be hard enough on Dc1 without being bundled away on a long drive to his Gran's without Daddy but with the new 'usurper' in tow, and it's not ideal to cart a newborn around like that either.

Also, at 6 weeks old, my Ds was Bfing for 2-3 hrs at a time, never mind every 2-3 hours!

Tell him it's not happening. If he can hand you a fait accompli, hand one back. You're morally and practically in the right.

SneezySnatcher · 21/03/2013 22:06

I'm also 37+5 with DC2 and YADNBU!

I'd insist he cancel or I'd do it for him. Surely if his mates are lovely they will completely understand that newborn+toddler+your birthday+recovery from birth = bad idea for a boys' get together.

dopeysheep · 21/03/2013 22:09

Why has he chosen your birthday weekend? New baby notwithstanding, that alone seems very odd. Of all the weekends to choose, he picks that one? Weird.

MooseBeTimeForCoffee · 21/03/2013 22:10

Hello Goldmandra no offence meant, none taken Smile

OP have you shown the twunt this thread yet?

DuPainDuVinDuFromage · 21/03/2013 22:15

I would tell him he will cancel it, and if he doesn't, the door will be locked when his mates turn up for the weekend (of course you'll have to confiscate his keys Grin but frankly he deserves it!)

Absolutely shocking that he thought it would be ok. Maybe he just wasn't thinking

DuPainDuVinDuFromage · 21/03/2013 22:19

Just read one of OP's posts (hadn't read thread in full before)

So what if he had to get up with DD at 5.30am? You are also doing a full-time job (I assume) - either working or looking after DD (or a combination). She's his daughter too! Grrrr he is making my blood boil and I don't even know him!

DuPainDuVinDuFromage · 21/03/2013 22:22

...sorry, that should ave said DS, not DD!

[note to self: drink less Wine when mn'ing Grin]

cjel · 21/03/2013 22:43

I wouldln't get cross and tell him hes daft . I'd just tell him, No I don't want to go to mums, want to stay at home in my house with only my family. End of. Will you tell lads or shall I?

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