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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is DH a selfish twunt?

109 replies

Pontouf · 21/03/2013 16:06

I am 37+5 with my second child so unreasonableness comes as standard with the swelling, discomfort, general fed-upness.

However, DH booked our summer holiday today. I have been feeling pretty low, am so ready for this pregnancy to be finished and am finding it hard work being his pregnant and spending all day with my very lively (although admittedly generally very sweet) 2.4yo DS. This hasn't been the easiest pregnancy - morning sickness till 30 weeks, pluerisy over Christmas which went on and on. So, I was really happy that the holiday was books and was going to give me something to focus on after the baby comes.

Anyway, I when DH texted me to say it was booked I replied saying "Yay! So excited!". He responded saying, "Great, while you're in a good mood just wanted to let you know I've invited the lads over for the weekend of your birthday, hope that's ok. Love you, bye xxx".

DH has a group of friends who are scattered over the country. They don't see much of each other but tend to meet up for whole weekends about 3 times a year either in a holiday cottage or at one of their houses. They generally get drunk and play games. They are all in their early 30s. I have no problem with these weekends away in general, I like these blokes a lot and DH always has a great time.

However, the weekend of my birthday is 6 weeks after my due date. I replied with a slightly hysterical "What?! You've invited the lads to stay at our house when we'll have a 6 week old baby? And it's my birthday? And you didn't think that maybe you should discuss with me first?" he responded saying that he thought that as my birthday was actually on the friday, we could do something then and maybe I might like to go and stay at my Mum's for the weekend? My Mum lives 150 miles away and the journey involves a large section of the M25.

Soooo AIBU to think that a) organising a lads weekend for a time when we will have a 6 week old baby is fairly shitty, b) that inviting the lads to have the weekend at our house so that me, my DS and the baby will have to all leave for the duration is particularly shitty, especially when the journey to my Mum's is potentially 4-5 hours with a baby who will be BFing every 2-3 hours and a toddler who hates long car journeys and i will be doing it on my own. And c) that it shows a total lack of care about my birthday to do it that weekend anyway? Point C is probably debatable as it is not an important birthday and I am a big girl but I had hoped that I might have a little bit of a fuss made when I will have just borne his second child?!

I have responded to the latest text with a simple "we can talk about it we you get home". I am getting more and more angry about it as the day goes on though and just want to check that I am not in the middle of some hormonal red mist! Thanks for managing to get to the end of this epic post if indeed you have....

OP posts:
ksrwr · 21/03/2013 16:26

i could actually forgive him if it was your first child... and he didn't already know how hard going a brand new baby is....

openerofjars · 21/03/2013 16:26

And I think you should utterly utterly refuse to leave your own home on your birthday weekend and also invite all your friends and family over to really glare at him. What a knobber.

HazleNutt · 21/03/2013 16:26

What Glittery said and I'll repeat it for a good measure:

there's no way i'd be de-camping elsewhere so he could have a piss-up at ANY TIME, never mind when i'd just gave birth.

Zookiemay · 21/03/2013 16:26

YADNBFU he is being FU.

No, I will not be visiting my mum you complete twot!

PrincessRagnhild · 21/03/2013 16:26

Shock YANBU! Has he done anything like this before or is it a one off piece off selfish twattery?

Doingakatereddy · 21/03/2013 16:27

You can travel to your mothers with 6 week old & toddler, on your birthday so he can play with his boys?

The words 'no fucking way' seen like a good response.

PrincessRagnhild · 21/03/2013 16:27

*of

PrincessRagnhild · 21/03/2013 16:27

The 'while you're in a good mood' bit would piss me right off too.

DumSpiroSpero · 21/03/2013 16:27

On the assumption that he's not normally a giant, thoughtless arse I would hope that he has simply not thought it through and when you point out that baby might be late/long journey with toddler & bf will be horrendous/if you have a c-section you will not be able to drive, he will willingly rearrange it.

TBF if you're normally quite laid back, had an OK first birth and like his mates I can see how he's slipped up. It's the sort of thing my DH would do on the grounds that I get on with his mates and generally quite like having a houseful.

That does NOT mean, however, that under the circumstances, your DH should not be changing his plans ASAP. They are just not workable at that time.

HorryIsUpduffed · 21/03/2013 16:28

HINB offensively U to arrange a lads' weekend for your birthday six weeks after the birth. Optimistic and a bit thoughtless, yes.

But the fact that this shindig is meant to be happening at your house has me Shock and YWNBU to tell him to think again.

Twat.

Pontouf · 21/03/2013 16:29

He is not generally a selfish twunt which is possibly why this has shocked me so much. I think he is genuinely just being an unthinking idiot rather than actually cunty. Thing is, it's still not good enough. He should have thought about it. In his most recent text - the kne suggesting I take the kids to my Mum's, he did put "or do you think it's too soon?" on the end of the text. But really OF COURSE IT'S TOO SOON YOU IDIOT!

OP posts:
Toasttoppers · 21/03/2013 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pontouf · 21/03/2013 16:31

Just by the way, my first birth was an elective section due to breech presentation. Am hoping for a VBAC this time but obviously there is scope for complication there....

OP posts:
doctorhamster · 21/03/2013 16:32

Yes it's too soon. What a twat he is!!

If your baby is a couple of weeks late and you have a section you wouldnt be able to drive to your mums. And I don't do 4 hour car jouneys on my own with my 3 and 5 year old...its bloody hard work!!

CherylTrole · 21/03/2013 16:33

LTB Grin

bizzybee1234 · 21/03/2013 16:34

YANBU - I am sure once he sees how upset you are he will retreat. I read in the Times last weekend that men fear a woman's anger more than anything else!!

Pontouf, I am sure your husband is not all those things everyone has been calling him ALL OF THE TIME, he is being very inconsiderate

Zookiemay · 21/03/2013 16:35

Actually, maybe take it as a compliment that he thinks you are so capable. Still a bit of a knob though.

Still18atheart · 21/03/2013 16:36

YADNBU he's being a dick

love the word twunt Grin

DixieD · 21/03/2013 16:37

A few points

  1. obviously he is an asshole to do this without consulting you. For that alone I would be indulging in a full blown hormonal tantrum.
  2. Actually going to my mothers for a weekend with my newborn would not bother me in the slightest. BUT my mum is brilliant, she'd spoil me rotten and I wouldn't have to lift a finger. Also I had great newborns who would keep the entirety of a big trip like that no bother. So that is just me. If you don't want to do it then he cancels. end of.
  3. if you do go, under no circumstances take DC1. His Dad can mind him, why should you take them both? If they are all good guys they should be well able to mind one kid between them 4)if you decide to stay and he cancels, make sure he takes the blame. 'I am such an idiot, didn't think it through at all, baby will still be far to young. If DW has a section she won't be able to drive. I'll have to cancel, and rearrange for a couple of months. Sorry'

YANBU by the way

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 21/03/2013 16:41

Your H is a thoughtless selfish twunt. YANBU.

Pontouf · 21/03/2013 16:43

Dixie, to be honest if it was just me and the baby I'd probably do it. It's the prospect of a newborn and DS that is daunting. The weekend at my Mum's is also no bother, we get on brilliantly and she would love to have us. Could not leave DS with them. They are all good lads but the whole point of the weekends are to get drunk and let their hair down. Not appropriate situation for DS and would negate the point of the weekend.

OP posts:
DixieD · 21/03/2013 16:47

Precisely my point. You tell him he has to mind DS. He decides the weekend needs to be cancelled as he can't accommodate you perfectly reasonable request and still enjoy it. Job done.

Pontouf · 21/03/2013 16:49

Hmmm, interesting. Will give that some thought....

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/03/2013 16:54

What if you go over and end up with another section? You might not even feel that you want to drive more than a couple of miles, never mind 150.

Will he cancel? Or is he likely to dig his heels in?

He has been a totally thoughtless idiot. Except that the 'while you're in a good mood' part, suggests that he knows he is taking the piss but is trying it anyway. Which is just fucking rude in the circumstances.

DixieD · 21/03/2013 17:00

Or he decides he can modify weekend to accommodate DS, in which case you get a weekend at mums being waited on hand and foot.
Only provide this compromise if you are happy to go though. If you don't want to then the weekend is cancelled.

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