to think it's inappropriate for DD to share a bed/room with a boy twice her age?

[princessj29]

DD is only just 5. She sees her father every other weekend. He has a girlfriend who has a ten year old brother who often sleeps over when DD is there. Her father bought a bunk bed for her room with a double bed on the bottom, which she says they usually share. There is another spare room in the house so no need for them to share rooms let alone beds IMO. She spoke about his 'bits pointing up' when he woke last week and I feel very uncomfortable about them sharing a bed/room. AIBU?

seeker, again, further back in the thread I mentioned that the consensus seems to be that both children are vulnerable. I'm not aware that anyone has posted that the boy is a potential abuser.

JenaiMorris, your use of "apparently" suggests you don't believe the OP.

It's not that I think the OP is lying, nor the daughter for that matter. But from a 5yo (or indeed a 12yo) the words 'always' or 'usually' need sometimes to be taken with a pinch of salt. It's all about perception. They often mean "most recently".

So in what way is the boy "vulnerable"?

Saying he's a potential abuser is very little different from saying nothing.

Saying he's not a potential abuser is making a pretty bold claim though.

"Saying he's a potential abuser is very little different from saying nothing."

Wow. Just..........wow.

So- at what age does he start being a potential abuser? 5? 6?

And what other precautions should be taken? Never leaving them alone together? How do you know he's not going to come out of his room at night? Potentially!he could.....so, what? lock him in?

He's only vulnerable as long as people demonise boys. Which has happened on this thread.

It's like saying someone is a potential murderer.

Everyone is.

Saying that someone could potentially do something isn't saying a lot.

As for the age at which a child becomes capable of abusing another child? I don't know, TBH.

But I would say it is definitely possible by ten.

When does a child become a potential bully? I would say around the same age.

I still want to know why the girlfriend is bringing her brother to her boyfriend's house to regularly sleepover-that's really bizarre quote frankly. Where is his mum?

OP?

The boy is vulnerable for this reason. Just imagine the girl tells an adult in school that she was in bed with a big boy and when he woke up there was something poking out in his pyjamas. She also says they watch grown-up films and she doesn't like them. This would have to be reported to the CPLO in school as a cause for concern, and parents would be asked to come in to discuss it. Not because of the erection, but because she had been put to sleep in a bed with a 10-year-old boy for no apparent reason. All the boy has done is sleep where his sister and her boyfriend have told him to, and woken up with an erection just like he has done before. Suddenly people are asking him questions.

The adults who have told him it's perfectly ok for him to sleep in the same bed as a 5-year-old girl when there are two other beds he could sleep in, have put him in this position and have made him vulnerable.

Nobody has demonised the boy. People are just being realistic about what children sometimes disclose, especially in school, and what the legal responsibilities are of the child protection officers in school when that happens.

At the beginning of this thread almost everyone was expressing concern for the vulnerability of both children, not just the 5 year old girl.

The only reason CP and SS were mentioned was for advice as the girl's father would not accept that there was a potential problem, either with the films or the bed sharing.

I would like to say that I would be equally concerned if the 10 year old was a girl and the 5 year old was a boy. There is too much opportunity for tickling, cuddling, romping turning into something inappropriate. That could be very gentle and not coercive and, lets face it, might feel nice for both of them.

And I have male and female children who are now adults, and I still know some 10 and 5 year olds of both sexes.

OP YANBU, and I wish you the very best of luck.

I feel sorry for the little boy here. I have a ten year old boy and a four year old girl and much as they love each other-he wouldn't want to share a bed with her!

OP has never said the boy has been inappropriate and has suggested he's as unhappy about sharing a bed as she is. He is opening himself up to all sorts of allegations and questions though and that's not fair on anyone.

I wouldn't be letting her go until your ex could guarantee they'd be in separate rooms. Send her with a portable DVD player and her own film. Speak to someone for advice.

Jeeeeezus zwischenzug, you had me apoplectic for a moment.

I'm presuming zwichenzug is a troll?

I am presuming zwichenzug is being sarcastic.

I also find this thread very sad.

Not a troll. Sarcastic. But given the thread, not very.

I will obviously have to rethink our camping plans for the summer- my 17 and 12 year old can't be allowed to share a tent.

OP back.
I emailed ex my concerns and also emailed the nspcc to see if they agree it's inappropriate and grounds for stopping contact if he doesn't prevent it from happening. They watch the film on a projector on the wall so it. Could be seen from top bunk. DD specifically asked for a cabin bed as she has one here but he got the triple bunk bed instead. She likes sleeping on the top but personally I think it's unsafe as she occasionally sleepwalks (her bed here has a slide so is quick easy and safe to get out of). She hasn't said she doesn't like sharing with the boy, just that she struggles to sleep as he stays up very late playing games on the iPad. No idea why the brother spends so much time there rather than with his parents but think his dad helped assemble the bunk bed so they're aware of the sleeping arrangements. Can just imagine the poor boy getting teased incessantly if he tells his friends they share a bed.

you are all so keen on being politically correct that you would put a child at risk. well done, you. enjoy.

He wouldn't be teased, no.

Would a slide really make that much difference, safety-wise, to a sleepwalker?

The issue here is that the boy is keeping the younger girl awake. Not that he's a threat.

The girlfriend must be quite young to have a 10yo brother. I guess his sister helps their parents out here and there so they can work or go or together; I wouldn't read too much into it.

No, as I said, I have learned my lesson from this thread- my two will never share a tent again. Now, should I lock my son in his room so he won't be tempted to abuse his sister, or lock my daughter in hers so she cant't tempt him with her feminine wiles?

PC gorn mad, b4bunnies.

Yes because the slide has sides so she can't fall. A complicated (because it goes over double bed) ladder is much more difficult to navigate. He already gets teased by his friends for playing with her, so if they knew they shared a bed it would make it worse.

Seeker, you are beyond unhelpful and your pointless rantings really aren't adding to the thread.

Fair enough, re the sides.

Pretty crap that he gets teased for playing with a 5yo though. IME older children wouldn't bat an eyelid at a contemporary playing the big bro role to a younger child. Thinking of school, the Y6s relished being buddies to reception pupils, for example.