to think it's inappropriate for DD to share a bed/room with a boy twice her age?

[princessj29]

DD is only just 5. She sees her father every other weekend. He has a girlfriend who has a ten year old brother who often sleeps over when DD is there. Her father bought a bunk bed for her room with a double bed on the bottom, which she says they usually share. There is another spare room in the house so no need for them to share rooms let alone beds IMO. She spoke about his 'bits pointing up' when he woke last week and I feel very uncomfortable about them sharing a bed/room. AIBU?

[MrsSham]

And they are lead to therapy because they have somewhere received the appropriate intervention and influences. And they receive therapy as part of that learning process.

[MrsSham]

Like you said part of your role is to help them understand they are not predestined to abuse....this is part of that learning process.

[shesariver]

"Narrow professional point of view" Hahaha, good god

because you can't also argue that people who are abused are a risk to them selfs or at risk of personality disorders

Well lots of people much more academic than me have certainly done so as there is an abundance of research showing the link - not of course that being abused automatically makes you develop a personality disorder but it increases the risk. People who have been sexually abused as children do face an increase risk of developing BPD. Of course not everyone who has been abused develops it or indeed not everyone with BPD has been abused either.

[MrsSham]

Like I said narrow, you are completely missing my point.

[shesariver]

Think what you like, thankfully I don't think like you in my job. Goodnight.

[MrsSham]

Good job you are in the job you do then. I prefere to think my self as more open minded and informed.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Christ alive.

Why don't you two start your own thread and discuss the research surrounding victims of childhood sexual abuse turning into adult abusers,I'm sure it would be fascinating and informative.

I know my own views on the subject but both of your opposing views could run into several pages and I know I would find it highly interesting.

And it would get the derail of this thread back on track,as it certainly sounds like the op is needing her thread to stay on track.

Op as I said earlier if any of the children belonged with me I would not be best pleased.

IMHO both children are made vulnerable by the situation,neither are having there privacy respected neither are having boundaries respected and as you can see from some of the responses on here both are risking many things.

A 10yo boy accused of anything inappropriate and accused and a 5 yo potentially being treated like a victim of some form of abuse where by the checks ect that would be used to ascertain if anything happened should a over enthusiastic TA miss interpret a innocent comment and decide he/she is all of a sudden a 'expert' in CP could in themselves be abusive and very damaging to the child.

If that happened both children could be caused harm.

And besides I expect neither are getting a decent nights kip.

[Damash12]

Yanbu - no way would I let this continue. When would xh see the age as inappropriate if not now. 1 year? 5 years?

[myBOYSareBONKERS]

sorry if you have already answered this but why cant the boy go on the top bunk?

[Asamumnonsense]

OP, you definitely should not let this go on...
I have a 5 year old and I would not let her be in this situation. Poor little boy too. He is 10, he shouldn't have to share with a younger girl. It is just so odd. It is beyond me that her dad cannot see that.
At some point he is going to have to see that it is not appropriate for either children.
Good luck

[princessj29]

OP back.
I received a reply from the NSPCC. They recommended a referral to Children's. Services because of the combination of bed/room sharing and the physical signs of anxiety DD displays around contact as well as her difficulties communicating. I'm going to see if he's listened about beds/films/games this weekend and take it from there.

[MrsSham]

Sounds like sensible advice OP, I hope it works out well for your dd. just follow the advice if you are not happy, but also don't rely upon him just convincing you that he has, because he may just pay lip service to it and carry on as before.