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AIBU?

to think it's inappropriate for DD to share a bed/room with a boy twice her age?

287 replies

princessj29 · 20/03/2013 22:25

DD is only just 5. She sees her father every other weekend. He has a girlfriend who has a ten year old brother who often sleeps over when DD is there. Her father bought a bunk bed for her room with a double bed on the bottom, which she says they usually share. There is another spare room in the house so no need for them to share rooms let alone beds IMO. She spoke about his 'bits pointing up' when he woke last week and I feel very uncomfortable about them sharing a bed/room. AIBU?

OP posts:

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Tailtwister · 21/03/2013 09:14

diavalo I see where you're coming from (as a mother to 2 boys), but I think people are saying that this situation is putting the boy in a vulnerable position too. From my perspective, the sleeping arrangements need to be addressed asap for the sake of both children.

SuburbanRhonda · 21/03/2013 09:17

Oh, ok, flogging, didn't realise!

littlewhitebag · 21/03/2013 09:22

floggingmolly The point is that child protection is something we all do and ss will be able to give op advice regarding this. Child protection teams generally investigate what has happened after allegations have been made.

pigletmania · 21/03/2013 10:05

Yes this situation is wrong, nether child should be put in a vulnerable position, it is not right. The adults involved op ex and his partner should know better and ut should be stopped. Whilst your dd is saying the situation is still happening her vista should be stopped or you collect before bedtime. I would seek advice from nspcc or ss on what to do

seeker · 21/03/2013 10:12

"diavlo, as far as I know, no-one has suggested a 10 year old boy with a morning erection is a sexual deviant."

No? Then why are people saying that they OP should contact social services because her dd is in danger of abuse?

issypiggle · 21/03/2013 10:19

it's a simple solution that the kids have their own room, and you tell the x that dd will not be going over to stay the night till that happens.

my dd is 3 and i don't let her stay overnight with my x as he rents a room.

seeker · 21/03/2013 10:20

"my dd is 3 and i don't let her stay overnight with my x as he rents a room."

Why not?

pigletmania · 21/03/2013 10:20

Yes there is the potential to abuse, you cannot say it definitely will not happen 100%. It is not fair on both children, they should not be sharing a bed end of!

issypiggle · 21/03/2013 10:23

coz he has the one room, no room for a spare bed for her, and he's a fruit cake.

issypiggle · 21/03/2013 10:23

oh and it's in a pub.

seeker · 21/03/2013 10:27

Fair enough.

However, I do find the idea that a 10 year old boy cannot be trusted not to abuse a 5 year old girl appalling. My children have always enjoyed sharing a room on holiday, or if we have lots of visitors- there is a 5 year age difference. I can't believe that people would find this "inappropriate".

issypiggle · 21/03/2013 10:39

theres nothing wrong with sharing a room, just a bed...

airforce1 · 21/03/2013 10:39

Go and see your health visitor or go to the baby clinic for advice. She is only 5 somwill still come under their remit. It might help your cause if ex hears it from someone else.

airforce1 · 21/03/2013 10:40

So will ........bloody ipad

seeker · 21/03/2013 10:40

Mine share a bed sometimes too. So call the social services.

pigletmania · 21/03/2013 10:44

That situation is nt appropriate and op is not happy so it has to change

airforce1 · 21/03/2013 10:44

Blood siblings are one thing. The youger brother of ex's current girlfriend is another. My DS and DD share a bed on holiday sometimes if they have to. But they know, love and fight each other everyday.

Floggingmolly · 21/03/2013 10:45

They're not actually siblings, Seeker

QuickLookBusy · 21/03/2013 10:46

There's nothing wrong with siblings sharing a bed, nothing at all.

I personally wouldn't be happy for my dd to share a bed with an ex's, girlfriend's son though.

seeker · 21/03/2013 10:47

The OP is not happy so it has to change. Agreed. The films would be the deal breaker for me.

However.

I find the characterization of a 10 year old boy as a potential abuser deeply problematic.

pigletmania · 21/03/2013 10:48

Yes the boy is ex girlfriends brother not blood relative. Any what there comes a tim when it just isn't right whether it's biological brother or sister or not. Te by is approaching his teens

pigletmania · 21/03/2013 10:49

No I am not dying he is an abuser no, but this situation puts bth children in a vulnerable situation

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airforce1 · 21/03/2013 10:50

Yup. Seeker - but an earlier thread fom OP says that the 10 year old is uncomfortable with the situation too. So from his point of view, he has to share a bedroom with his older sister's current boyfriend's daughter who he doesn't really know. He's starting to get EMEs, poor love, and is feeling insecure so he dresses himself in a locked bathroom.

seeker · 21/03/2013 10:51

Why are they in a vulnerable position if you are not saying he is a potential abuser? Oh, and I think you said earlier that you wouldn't allow this for brothers and sisters either. Certainly someone did....

QuickLookBusy · 21/03/2013 10:51

Seeker, I also think the watching of inappropriate films is very worrying.

The OP has told the father that their 5 year old is having nightmares and he doesn't seem at all bothered. That says a lot about him as a Dad.

My dd wouldn't be staying over in these circumstances.

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