to think it's inappropriate for DD to share a bed/room with a boy twice her age?

[princessj29]

DD is only just 5. She sees her father every other weekend. He has a girlfriend who has a ten year old brother who often sleeps over when DD is there. Her father bought a bunk bed for her room with a double bed on the bottom, which she says they usually share. There is another spare room in the house so no need for them to share rooms let alone beds IMO. She spoke about his 'bits pointing up' when he woke last week and I feel very uncomfortable about them sharing a bed/room. AIBU?

I will speak to children's services, thank you.
DD has always had an issue with who she speaks to - there's only 5 people she speaks to. She went her entire time at nursery without talking to an adult once and now at primary will read words to teacher but doesn't speak to any adults or children. It's only this past fortnight the teacher has acknowledged there's an issue and the SENCO has become involved.

But piglet - he'll promise separate bedrooms and films, DD will say he lied and then what do I do?

You wait until he does lie or ignore then you deal with it.

I know it sounds far fetched but have you got a dictaphone or secret camera to record your conversations

Record everything, both said and done, by your DD and her dad. Once school and other agencies get involved, he can't pull the wool over people's eyes as easily. He'll be telling you you're hysterical next.

Record yur conversations with dd using secret reci
Or ding device. Like a camera in a teddy type thing

I was about to suggest recording your conversations with your DD. Lots of mobile phones have voice recorders, she wouldn't even notice it was on.

I'm not sure whether it's ethical to record someone without their knowledge, but in the circumstances it would show that you had not been asking her leading questions and that she was just telling you what was going on.

YANBU, by the way. Good luck.

You need to do this to protect your dd and this boy

Good idea pooka moo I think in this situation might be an acception

I think it would help to collect evidence in some way, just in case he lies.

You could draw a picture of their flat and ask dd to draw in where everyone sleeps. Then she doesn't have to speak.
date it and write on the back exactly what you asked her to do (be careful not to ask a leading question)

All this is quite difficult to do if you haven't done it before. I've seen experienced CPLOs ask leading questions without realising it, then your evidence is worthless. This is why I'm banging on about getting professional advice!

Do not question your dd and do not ask her to draw anything. If you do,you will come across as a hysterical fantasist that has put these ideas into her head anything to do with it will be worthless no matter what she says or draws.

And should something actually happen of a concerning or abusive nature to any of the kids nobody will believe you or dd.

You know that's the first thing your ex will loudly proclaim to anybody at all.

Please don't leave this to chance. I was put in this situation as a child and it didn't end well. My family all thought the boy was so lovely and kind .... he probably was, but he was also a growing boy ....

Just to say, n case you don't know OP, that 10 year old boy's willies do often "stick up" in the morning when they need a pee- please don't automatically think something awful is happening. And do remember, he's 10.

Your dd certainly shouldn't be watching scary movies though. Or sharing a bed with anyone she doesn't want to.

It's not a CP issue - the lad can't help having a stiffy in the morning! It is however inappropriate .

Why is the girlfriend bringing her ten year old brother to her bonk fest? Where are his parents? I feel sorry for both children-it wouldn't take much for your dd to draw them both in bed together and ss will start asking questions. It's big fair on the poor boy either- I doubt he wants a witness to his morning glory!

You need to put a stop to this now.

It is not appropriate for both children and it is a safeguarding issue as both Chidren are vulnerable and are put in a situation that COULD turn abusive, or cause them to do things they do not understand. I would consult nspcc and an appropriate solicited nspcc might be able to advice you, this cannot continue. Also unlike most of her peers your dd has sn and is unable to speak up for herself you have to be her advocate as you are her mum and have her welfare at heart. Don't just do nothing

Cotact ss for advice

I do think people are over reacting just a bit.

I think people are overreacting here. I am a SW working in child protection so have some knowledge about these matters. The girl has made no allegations other than she is sharing a room (not a bed) with a 10 year old and he had an erection in the morning (not unusual for boys). She has also watched films she found scary. These things are inappropriate but not child protection. It is up to the parents to sort this out. The girl should not be sharing with the boy. Until her dad and his partner can accept this then OP could stop her DD going. You could call SS for advice but i doubt that they would do anything further.

Talk to your ex. But also talk to your dd and tell her what you want her to do.

Buy her a pink sleeping bag specially for when she goes to dad's

Btw - do not get your child to draw pictures or try to film/record what happens at her fathers. This will not bode well for you.