to think it's inappropriate for DD to share a bed/room with a boy twice her age?

[princessj29]

DD is only just 5. She sees her father every other weekend. He has a girlfriend who has a ten year old brother who often sleeps over when DD is there. Her father bought a bunk bed for her room with a double bed on the bottom, which she says they usually share. There is another spare room in the house so no need for them to share rooms let alone beds IMO. She spoke about his 'bits pointing up' when he woke last week and I feel very uncomfortable about them sharing a bed/room. AIBU?

Like littlewhite says stop your child going unless this is sorted, the situation is not appropriate

Haven't read whole thread so sorry if this has been said. Even if your DD's father thinks it's acceptable now what about in two years time when they are 12 and 7 or 4 years time when they are 14 and 9 - will he still think that appropriate? Buying a bunk bed was so short sighted. Kids will grow up fast and within a very short space of time it will not be appropriate for them to share the same room never mind the same bed, which it isn't now anyway. What was he thinking? Or his girlfriend for her DS's sake?

A 5 year old girl sharing a bed with a 10 year old boy and seeing his morning stiffy isn't a child protection issue?

An old boyfriend of mine lost his "virginity" aged 9 with a 9 year old girl.

I don't know exactly what they were doing. But I would not want it to be done on my 5 year old.

It's absolutely wrong and your ex is being very unfair on the boy as well as on your DD - neither child should be placed in this position. The boy could be put in a position where he appears to have done something wrong or feels he has done something wrong. I think I would be as furious if someone else put my DSs being put in that position, as I would be at my DD being exposed to it.

athinginyourlife the children are not sharing a bed - they have bunk beds. Very different. Also seeing a stiffy does not constitute child protection. Him trying to get her to touch it etc would be.

I'd stop allowing her to stay overnight. He either doesn't know how to protect her, or isn't interested in doing so.

Bloody hell, AThing, that's awful

littlewhitebag, OP says they usually share the bottom bunk, which is a double bed.

little No I think you've misunderstood. If they were in separate bunks I'd agree with you, but the OP says the bunk bed has a double on the bottom and the two children are sharing this double bed.

I do think 10 is the absolute cusp though, because it's not appropriate once he does start puberty (although I don't think erections are related to puberty - my 4 year old gets an erection in the morning) IF it was a short term arrangement, it would be fine. But the fact is there's a separate top bunk the boy could sleep in - why is he not sleeping here? And there is also another bed in a separate room - why on earth not give them their own rooms, then? This situation will become inappropriate in a few months/years if it is not now, so why not change the sleeping arrangements now anyway.

As the mother of a 10yr old boy I would be very pissed off at the assumption that he was some kind of sexual deviant! Boys, even babies, wake up with erections...it's biology for heavens sake!

IF there were no other bedroom then they could minimize problems with separate beds/screens or something but if they actually have another bedroom then I just cant understand why they make them share?!

We have 4 girls and 1 boy. At the moment the boy shares with one of his sisters but when he is a little older (he has just turned 6 now) we will be separating him just for his own comfort no worries about anything being wrong with them sharing.

Ok i see that now. I assumed she meant they shared the bunk bed - one top one bottom. Still not child protection - only child protection if something unlawful has happened. Still inappropriate though and i am sure the boy was embarrassed about her noticing his erection. They both need privacy to ensure nothing can be misconstrued.

Also, littlewhitebag, what I've been posting all along, as I also work in CP, is that OP needs to seek professional advice. Round here children's services wouldn't get involved for some thing like this, but she could phone for advice - in my area it's the contact centre. Of course the parents should sort it out, but OP has stated clearly that dad is not up for discussing anything and simply doesn't see it as a problem. And as for posters saying it's normal for a boy to get a stiffy in the morning, of course it is, but should a 5-year old girl have to wake up next to it?

yanbu they should be in separate rooms.

diavlo, as far as I know, no-one has suggested a 10 year old boy with a morning erection is a sexual deviant. The almost unanimous view is that both children are vulnerable here.

suburbanrhonda i completely agree with you. Further back the thread i advised OP to call ss for advice. It can be so hard when one parent just won't listen to reason. Hopefully she will get it sorted out.

Yanbu as there are 2 alternative options, the other room or the other bed. They are putting both your dd and this boy in a very vulnerable position. I don't wish to alarm you, and I'm not saying it as happened, but from what your dd has said I would be very alert to the possible signs of sexual abuse.

hippo123, I don't think it would be helpful for OP to imagine the worse case scenario. OP needs to focus on the current situation, what she wants to change, and ways to do it. That's where the professional advice comes in. We can all worry ourselves into the grave if we're so inclined, but it doesn't help the children in this situation.

Why does child protection only kick in after something unlawful happens, littlewhitebag? It gives the lie to the word protection if it's purely retrospective?

And yes, Suburban, 10 year old's morning erections are absolutely normal, but why should any 5 year old have to wake up with it in their fecking face?

I agree with the general consensus, but I'm also puzzled by the arrangement. I've never heard of a bunk bed that has a double bed on the bottom. How is that supposed to work?

And what's going on in the father's mind? If you have two rooms, why wouldn't you give each child their own room? And if you had some reason for not doing that, why wouldn't you put one to sleep in the top bunk and one in the bottom? Why on earth is he making them sleep in the same bed? Doesn't that strike anyone else as peculiar?

Yet again I agree with seeker

Floggingmolly, re your last sentence, I think you'll find that's almost word for word what I said, except not in her face, as the OP didn't say this.

It's called a triple sleeper, hackmum.

Both children need protection.

flogg I doubt she woke up with it in her face.

Its very obvious in PJs with little boys.

He is 10.

I'd be much more concerned with the other things she has been subjected to.

I was actually agreeing with you, Suburban (with certain poetic licence, admittedly )