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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School has just rung me..................................

108 replies

SlowlyWakingUp · 20/03/2013 14:05

DS2 (Yr6)went on a short school trip this morning. His teacher has just rung me to tell me that he 'misbehaved' on the coach so therefore they are deciding whether he should miss out a larger whole day school trip tomorrow which he has been very excited about. There is a big possibility he will not go apparently.

Now I would normally agree with the school as to any punishments for bad behaviour but I am not sure about this. I have never been informed of any behaviour issues on previous school trips and have not been aware of any issues in class previous to this. It's all very sudden and seems quite harsh. His teacher could not clarify what the bad behaviour was as she was not on the coach. Apparently it was not that he got out of his seat but just 'misbehaviour'.

Last week we were given a possible diagnosis of ADD for him which we will have to wait months for the 'official' diagnosis and which I wanted investigated before he starts secondary school due to his learning difficulties and is something I had always suspected. School are having none of it and in the 6 years he has been there, he has been labelled a nuisance IMO.

I have to see the teacher after school for their decision. WIBU to argue on his behalf if it's a NO?

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 20/03/2013 14:07

Depends what he did.

JammySplodger · 20/03/2013 14:09

Think you need more info on exactly what happened.

GreatUncleEddie · 20/03/2013 14:09

Probably YWBU, he should take his punishment

LIZS · 20/03/2013 14:09

agree you need to hear the specifics of the problems. If he deliberately didn't follow the rules, despite reminders, and potentially put himself or others at risk that is pretty serious. What is the trip tomorrow ?

livinginwonderland · 20/03/2013 14:11

it depends on what he did wrong, but it's their decision at the end of the day. you're not the one who has to deal with behaviour while simultaneously trying to make sure the rest of the class doesn't act up as well.

Emilythornesbff · 20/03/2013 14:11

Well if they are "deciding" and haven't "decided" are they asking for your opinion?
Flaky?! Also, would depend on what the "misbehaviour" was.

I think you're right to want to support him going on the trip and they can offer him a different "punishment" assuming he was just "messing about" and not selling crack cocaine on the coach. Wink

They need to tell you what happened.

fluffyraggies · 20/03/2013 14:11

[i] have not been aware of any issues in class previous to this.

in the 6 years he has been there, he has been labelled a nuisance

Sorry, just that these two statements are a bit conflicting. Has he had behaviour problems at school then, or not?

Original poster
SlowlyWakingUp · 20/03/2013 14:13

Have no idea what he did at the moment. She only mentioned that it was on the coach not at the activity. I would have thought the worst thing he could have done was to get out of his seat and run around but she said it was NOT that. Wracking my brain to think of what he could have done!

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 20/03/2013 14:13

I'm afraid I suspect that school don't feel they can manage your son on tomorrow's trip. So if they exclude him on the basis of 'another incident' they don't have to admit that.
I would be very unhappy that the teacher has been so unspecific about the issue as well. I don't think yabu at all to support your son's right to be included. Why not ring the school back and ask to speak to the head. Something as serious as this should surely have been discussed with them?

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes · 20/03/2013 14:14

Tell him to start behaving himself. Looking after naughty kids on a school trip is a nightmare.

bedmonster · 20/03/2013 14:15

If it's a 'no' at the end of the discussion, YWBU to argue the point. You have to find out what happened and talk through with them their policies on behaviour. Have you paid for him to go on the trip? Will they be refunding you your money if his place is pulled?
Difficult one really, hard to comment any further without knowing more. Good luck.

SashaSashays · 20/03/2013 14:15

You need to find out was he's done to know if its a harsh reaction. But at the same time, I think if the teacher is saying that they don't want him on the trip tomorrow you have to accept that and he has to take his punishment. He shouldn't have misbehaved.

FabOeufsFromLaChocolateries · 20/03/2013 14:15

Tell him to start behaving himself and just stop having that pesky ADD eh, JustGiveMe Hmm

NorthernLurker · 20/03/2013 14:15

And having your child excluded because a school is unwilling to actively manage his behaviour is pretty much a nightmare too don't you think?

Original poster
SlowlyWakingUp · 20/03/2013 14:16

He had behaviour issues (silliness) up to Yr 4 nothing major though. Through Rceception and Yr1/2, I was constantly getting called in for petty things. (Disclaimer - he never hurt anyone or damaged anything - just would 'not conform')!

OP posts:
FabOeufsFromLaChocolateries · 20/03/2013 14:17

Will people please read OP and stop just talking about the child as if he is "naughty" and needs punished.

Emilythornesbff · 20/03/2013 14:17

Agree that if they can't manage his behaviour that's a separate issue. I which case I would not want him to go for safety reasons.

LIZS · 20/03/2013 14:19

What has led to the assessment if his behaviour since Year 4 has been acceptable then ? Hmm

bangwhizz · 20/03/2013 14:19

YABU He has been naughty and is being punished for it.Get over it!!

SashaSashays · 20/03/2013 14:20

The last year 6 trip I went on, a boy 'mooned' up against one of the coach windows. Giving the finger to passing cars was another favourite. You don't need to be out of your seat to misbehave.

FabOeufsFromLaChocolateries · 20/03/2013 14:20

If ignorance is bliss some people on this thread must be truly happy

fluffyraggies · 20/03/2013 14:20

There's allot a child can get up to in a coach seat that's naughty sadly.

Throwing food.
Spitting.
Fighting with seat partner.
Talking over safety discussions.
Throwing other kids belongings.
Eating when food is meant to be put away.
Disrupting the kids in front or behind.
Using pen on the coach fabric.
Muddy feet up.

.... I've been on a few school trips Grin

meditrina · 20/03/2013 14:20

You need to find out what he has done, and whether removing him from the trip is being considered as an individual punishment, or if it is some form of behaviour whilst on today's trip which has led them to conclude they cannot take him (in the interests of either his safety or that of the group).

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes · 20/03/2013 14:21

FabOeufsFromLaChocolateries

The OP doesn't have a firm diagnosis of ADD so I can't understand why in the meantime she wouldn't at least sit an 11 year old down and talk to him about his behaviour.

To be honest it pisses me off that people assume it's the schools fault for failing to manage him.

FabOeufsFromLaChocolateries · 20/03/2013 14:22

Oh that's fine then, until they have the firm diagnosis just ignore it totally and treat him as naughty

Hmm