Angry another attack on sahm mum!

[mam29]

I was worried about new childcare arrangements and its got high limit earn up to 150k but both parents have to be working.

Im guessing from this article the current childcare voucher scheme being phased out

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-21833929

where exactly are these term time jobs and cheap flexible childcare.

where are all these jobs that dont seem to require person to be fully flexible.

had 1st in 2006 went back full time when she was one in 2007.
fulltime place 52weeks nursery was 9000 a year you can claim relief up to 6k.

used vouchers

quit work after no 2 used vouchers for preschool education who had reduced to 1day a week doing nursery.

child no 2 started 1day a week from 18months and nursery been really good for her development. its £40 a day so 160 on 4week month.

husband used couchers as he works fulltime saves us a little.

child 2 now gets 15hour funding which helps.

was hoping to start child no 3 and use childcare vouchers now looks like cant do that and might have to wait until fnding term after 3rd birthday which think is bit late.

To make matters worse child no 2 has september birthday so missed this sept school year by 16days so have year extra paying childcare.

we lucky we dident lose child benefit as at moment we below 50k
we lost £10 a week childcare tax credits last april.

feel sorry for sahm mum whos husnand earns over 50k loses cb and now childcare vouchers yet they say preschool education is important and good for educational outcomes.

we very much feeling squeezed middle tonight as we just about get by each month as we privatly rent too.

One goes to senior boarding. The other still attends day school. However it hasnt always been like that! At one time they were just babies just like everyone else's! And the childcare was shocking. It is only because I am a higher rate tax payer and so is my DH that we could afford it but I am tired of people seemingly thinking that somehow I have ended up with this and I dont deserve it.

And yes, private schools have charitable status. The other thing to be aware of is that if all private schools were closed the state system would not be able to cope with the influx.

Oops posted too soon. Gaelic- You say you are envious of your dh for being a SAHP. (though at the same time you think your job is easier than being at home..)
Not everyone wants to give up their work. Having a job does not automatically make you envious of people without one

I dont want to give up work!

ImagineJL - I would not be as bothered about this were it were not for the fact that the Government is vilifying SAHPs in families that need to claim tax credits, forcing them to seek jobs that do exist, and then removing one of the only means of possible help to making job seeking that little bit easier and cheaper for the SAHP concerned.

Mam29 - last post on page 2, you said you worked a "shift that never seems to end", doing "school runs, parents evening, gym, food shopping, preschool admin, housework and cooking".

Apart from pre school admin (not sure what that is), and obviously "gym", I do all those things, and I work too.

I know this isn't a competition for who has the harder life, but really I don't think you personally have much to complain about.

Yes janey68, I have mixed feelings which is perfectly possible. I feel guilty for not being there for my children, especially now my mum is very ill and I find myself reassessing priorities. I miss the opportunity to take part in school events during working hours and I regret not doing the "mummy" things I always thought I would do. At the same time I recognise what a difficult job it is being a SAHP. Bear in mind we have a 6 year old and a 2 year old so I am coming from a very different perspective from some of you. My DH's day is spent running around after said toddler all day long and she very rarely takes a nap, and most days he feels like crap. So when I think about this I feel fortunate that my life is generally somewhat easier, and I at least get to go to the toilet by myself during the working day.

I guess it depends what your job is like. People sometimes knock on the door when I'm in the toilet at work, and I come out to a queue of people wanting my help. I'd have a toddler following me around any day!

Crossed post Imagine. Mam did mention the gym although she has accused me of making it up! And what is pre-school admin....

As a SAHM, many parents tell me that I am really lucky to be able to afford to do so. I agree that I am very lucky. But at the same time, many of the parents saying this live in massive houses, with huge 4 x 4s. They go skiing in the winter and Europe in the summer. They stay in holiday cottages in Devon and Cornwall during half terms. We don't do any of those things, and I appreciate that they have more money because both work, but we, as a family have made considerable sacrifice for me to stay at home, as it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. We have no money for holidays, treats, etc and buy second hand. We just about get by. Have just spent £500 getting 12 year old car through mot as can't afford a new one. I know that if I worked we'd have more money, but dh does very long hours. He's up at 5am and home at 8pm. Sometimes he's away and works weekends. We too have no family to rely on what so ever. I sacrificed a good career to stay at home. My choice I know, but it's not always a bed of roses. People tell me I'm lucky, but they wouldn't want to sacrifice their nice houses, holidays, cars, etc.

And I admit, I'd love to be a SAHM, I really would. Which is probably why I get so stroppy when SAHMs moan about their lot. Especially one particularly awful MNer (not on this thread thankfully) who refers to people "choosing to bring up their own children".

Well if I didn't work I'd have to live on benefits, not just skip a few holidays and have an old car, because I'm a single parent. So to me you are lucky!

But both working parents will only get 4-5 weeks hols per year. Where are they fitting in all these holidays... I can fit in two hols a year but always keep something back for emergencies.

And high earning parents are very unlikely to have to leave the Blackberries or lap tops at home. My DH brings his on every holiday. Its a price to pay tbh.

Ohgaelic You are being a good mother - you provide for your DC
Dont feel guilty, your DH is just as much a parent as you are and your DC will be fine .
My DH is ill although he is still able to WOH

look maisie joe im not judging you.

Its great you have such a well paid job im guessing quite highly skilled to command a good salary.

Did you do a degree funded by the state?

As I was first year at uni to pay tuition fees and need loan.
I came from low income single parent family.

Schools are you choice but the charitible status is huge perk to the wealthy.

One thing I learnt about life is its all about right time right place,

I dont see why you have to ne so nasty and judgemental about sahm mums hen you know nothing about their family or their lifestyle.

Its not like we teen mums who never worked paid in and getting house and loads we not getting a lot and making choice to be worse off as maybe our career is not as well paid and now harder to upskill to get better paid job.

Not everyone can be high earners

those under 10k cant get this vouchers.

single earner paying 100k cant get these vouchers and they pay shed loads of tax.

The things is, as ever, there are so many different situations. Some people know loads of SAHMs who spend their time (and their DH's money) shopping, getting their nails done, etc. I know none of these. I only know of SAHMs and SAHDs who have preschoolers and are often in that position due to the prohibitive cost of childcare, or illness, or both.

The ones that spring immediately to mind with all the holidays have their own businesses, maisiejo. My dh also takes his blackberry and laptop if we go away. I am not free from that either. Threatened to throw it out of the window once during an argument driving down the M5

anotheryearolder - oh it's alright, I'm on a massive downer at the moment due to my mum's diagnosis. But really my point is that despite admitting to feeling envious of SAHMs sometimes I still try not to be bitter about a small amount of help they might get, because I recognise what a bloody hard job it is! And of course as a SAHD DH needs that help too. As I've said earlier, after recent events if we couldn't put DD with the childminder a couple of days a week I really think I would have had to leave this job.

Actually I didnt go to uni at all. I went to a rubbish sec modern which I wouldnt wish on anyone. I have done Ok. Waited late to get married and have children. No previous partnerships and neither has my DH so conseqently so maintenance payments to anyone. Brought up by a single parent so no I didnt do a degree funded by the state.

What I did choose to do is work full time to fund a better education system for the children.

And if the charitiable status was taken away the local schools would be bombarded and wouldnt be able to cope. And have you thought that the status allows schools to offer busaries and funds pupils who cannot afford the fees.

I dont ask for my tax back for not using the state system even though I am entitled to a place. I know that's not how tax works.

When you go through a rubbish experience yourself surely you cannot be blamed for wanting better for your children.

I agree Gaelic, and it's always wrong to judge and make sweeping generalisations. I admit I come to these threads with my own issues, which are that I'm wracked with guilt at having to leave my kids to go to work, and desperately envious of the SAHPs who are able to attend every school function without months of planning and hoping they can get the time off. Especially when half the time the don't turn up anyway because it clashes with their weekly spinning class! I guess we all have our own agendas and gripes.

It may have been mentioned before now on here but do single parents get the full subsidy? If so, I think that that is an advantage of the new system. It was a bit rubbish before that single parents - who had half the wages but the same childcare costs - could only get half the tax subsidy.

I dont think its wise to look at what others have and think they are living a fancy lifestyle.
Its not always what it seems and I know 2 couples who live the seemingly high life when in fact they have both confided in me that they have huge interest only mortgages ,debts,and it could all come tumbling down.
Outward appearances can be deceptive

Very true anotheryearolder.

Ok see where you coming from you misunderstood.

its not gym for me.

its afterschool gym for my 7year old daughter.

preschool admin.

most preschools are charitys.
For the charity to run they need commitee of 12members in order to run.
I thourght it be similar to pta but its very similar to being a school governer.
Ever one assigned their role sadly mines treasuer as no one else wanted it and I had experience.

preschool admin for me involves

checking bank balances reguarly
checking cashbook matches up with bank statement
paying in cheques ie expense
banking money from funraising
co signing checks
have several spreadsheets to updat as have to prepare annual forcasted budget.
Update no of sessions whos fees, grants, lunchclubs.
look into and apply for grants.
submitting end of year accounts to charities commision.
preparing a business plan.
helping formulate policies.
heloing out at fundarising events.
helping out at preschool events trips, nativity, sports day as well as on rota once per term.

attend genral commitee meetings and monthly finance meetings sometimes they go on 2hours+
most of time with 2young toddlers in house obky time i get this done is when they in bed staying up late.

on a good week takes me an hour,

but some weeks can take many hours as have to prepare amonthly financial report to before meetings.
lots people changing their hours.sessions.

I do this for free.

I used to do school pta,

Im also trained peer supporter at breastfeeding group 2-4hours a month at local clinic.

I have on ocassion supported freind who worked part time wit her childcare ie pick her daughter up from school or taken kids to parties ect.

Holiday whats that. There are years we not gone.
we havent been abroad with the kids.

Round here - South Bucks there are lots of SAHM getting their nails done! There are 100's of nail bars and having used one a few months ago you would be surprised who use them. Posted on another thread about two young women with a 8 year old in tow on benefits who were there when I went (every one knew because they kept shouting to each other across the salon!).

It was a school day and all of them had their nails done with their loyalty card. So its not just 'rich' people using what I really do consider a luxury!

I agree that there are many different situations. But one thing I have noticed is that the accusation of being 'envious' is levelled by SAHM at WOHM, whereas I don't see it the other way round. WOHM have disagreed over tax breaks and subsidies, but there hasn't been this automatic assumption that other people must envy them.
I work. I don't assume that all SAHM envy me. Most SAHM I know are doing it because they prefer it to working. It just seems rather odd that they can't accept that WOHM often prefer to work. Indeed, many of us have carried on working despite forking out shed loads on childcare because we value our work life