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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it annoying when people tell me I'm lucky to have well behaved children?

287 replies

alisunshine29 · 15/03/2013 12:08

My eldest is 5.5 years old and youngest has just turned 9 months. Today we walked to school then I took youngest DD to a baby/music group. On the way to school we saw eldest DDs mum drive past, DDs friend was hitting her mum while she was driving and she was struggling to fend her off. We caught up with them at the car park and the mum was talking to her child as though it had never happened (I wasn't mistaken - they'd stopped in traffic so could clearly see) and 2 mins later her daughter started having a tantrum about taking a toy to school and slapped her 2 year old brother in anger. The mum barely reacted and in the end let her take it and left it for the teacher to take away and deal with the consequences. Younger brother was trying to climb out of pushchair so mum passed him her iPhone with a tv show on to keep him still and he threw it in the road! Mum just smacked him and retrieved it. After the eldest children had gone in to school, she excused her daughters behaviour by saying that she's tired because she went to sleep fifteen mins late last night and had to walk from the car park - it's about 300 metres!! She asked where I was parked and I said I'd walked from home, she was amazed as its almost two miles away. She then commented on how lucky I am elder DD is so well behaved and can cope with the walk.
At baby group, it was chaos as they have organised music activities where parents and kids sit in a circle and do actions etc. The leader specifically asked children are not allowed to run riot like last week, when some damage to the building was caused and pointed out a separate room where those not wanting to join in could go for a chat and cup of tea. Still, mums let their babies crawl/toddle everywhere, older toddlers were running around and pulling notices off the wall leaving pins on the floor etc. Their mums either ignored them or tried to pin them still on their lap. Again, a mum commented that I'm lucky that my daughter is well behaved.
Of course my youngest is only tiny and has no rules as such, but if she wasn't interested in the music group I'd have gone in the other room and kept her happy/occupied. I'm quite strict and very consistent with my eldest DD hence the reason I believe her to be well behaved - it is not luck. Special needs excluding, I think it is inexcusable for a child to hit a parent like DDs friend was this morning - particularly while she's driving, it's dangerous for everyone. To not do anything about it I believe is the mum neglecting her duty to her daughter. Her DD was going crazy in the school foyer about the teacher trying to remove her toy and her mum just shrugged and left them to it like its normal. AIBU to be annoyed when people say I'm lucky to have well behaved children?

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 15/03/2013 19:19

dd's behaviour is exemplary. she is polite, kind, gentle, caring, sharing...

oh and then there is ds... who can be kind, and share but also has asd.. oh and hit and kicked me and attempted to run away at home time due to the stresses of school. not all children are the same. he was dignosed at 4.5, which is quite early given the process that we had to go through... you just do not know what the cause is for bad behaviour, unless you are there all the time.

crashdoll · 15/03/2013 19:47

You do post a lot of thread in AIBU. I think this is your first stealth boast though, so congrats. Here, have an arse biscuit Biscuit

CokeFan · 15/03/2013 20:05

The way I read the OP it's not so much the behaviour of the children that she's seeing a problem with but the (lack of) reaction of the parents. Of course all children push the boundaries at times but if there's never any consequences then even worse behaviour is a likely outcome.

Pandemoniaa · 15/03/2013 20:21

Unfortunately, your post comes across like an ill-punctuated smugfest, OP.

I'm fairly sure that this isn't what you intended but to merely criticise the behaviour of the other parents you encountered whilst congratulating yourself on your allegedly faultless parenting was an unhelpful way to illustrate the somewhat more valid points you wanted to make.

rainrainandmorerain · 15/03/2013 20:32

There's effort and luck involved in having well behaved children. And yes, biddable charming 5 year olds can turn out to be extremely challenging teens.

Ali, you are spending a lot of time watching other parents, judging and then coming on here to start threads (people
should be able to manage their kids on their own, now this) -

Fine, whatever. But you have also posted about your own feelings of exhaustion and stress as a parent, related to you doing virtually everything yourself with no help - AND that you are trying to make friends at baby groups etc as you don't know anyone living locally.

If you are continually watching and judging other mums, that vibe is going to come across whether you want it to or not. And how do you think that will work?

i think you can decide - do you want to be lonely judgey mum, or will you cut people some slack and maybe get some understanding and support in return?

crashdoll · 15/03/2013 20:39

I'm going to start a thread about how annoying it is when people compliment me on my extreme beauty. This has never happened. I mean, it's not hard to comb your hair and wear make-up is it?

INeverSaidThat · 15/03/2013 20:45

Oh, if only it were that easy........ Confused

crashdoll · 15/03/2013 20:47

INeverSaidThat Was that to me?

PrincessScrumpy · 15/03/2013 20:49

I've been told how lucky I am dd is polite and says please an thank you... Seem, she didn't come out of the womb saying it, she was taught to say it and dh and I always do too.

idiuntno57 · 15/03/2013 20:53

smug smug smug

nb my kids are very well behaved. and exceptionally gifted. and I am beautiful, humble and good.

INeverSaidThat · 15/03/2013 20:54

No crash. It was in response to the OP's good parenting = good kids

Thanks for checking though... I much rather people ask than think I have been snarky or rude Smile

SneakyNinja · 15/03/2013 21:19

Idshag that is a brilliant piece of advice! I will shamelessly steal that one for the next time DS finishes all his veggies before throwing his plate at the wall Grin

ecuadorgirl · 15/03/2013 21:33

Ever heard of a bit of empathy? Or y'know, understanding that children are different, if you get an 'easy' one you ARE lucky. I'd you get a stubborn one, then it is harder. I had three lovely, easygoing DC. My first two were easy. Then I had twins, the fourth, my only son, was easy. My daughter? Not so much. Luck is a big part.

GirlFryDay · 15/03/2013 21:36

I think its luck and a moment in time too.. .once i was in sainsbos packing my groceries at the checkout and and elderly lady came up to me congratulating me on my kids' behaviour...
She absolutely would not have done so had she seen them 10 minutes earlier..

I once heard the phrase 'dont take all the credit and dont take all the blame' - i think that's a good rule of thumb for me.. for now!!

Everything can change in a heartbeat OP...

BonaDrag · 15/03/2013 21:40

You should never slag off other people's children as you never know how your own will turn out.

I hope you got all your smugness out in that very long OP, OP.

WhatKindofFool · 15/03/2013 21:47

Some children are spirited with a strong character.

MotheringShites · 15/03/2013 22:51

Methinks OP has deeper issues.

MotheringShites · 15/03/2013 22:53

And if she'd like to kick off her judgey pants, there is a whole world of support here. Just stop with the smug.

elportodelgato · 15/03/2013 23:00

I am with the OP on this, I might just be lucky but my DC are well behaved generally. Partly because it is expected of them and always has been and I do not tolerate bad behaviour. I've seen what some of my friends put up with from their DC and frankly I don't think being hit or kicked or disrespected is part of the job description of a parent and I just do not tolerate it. I don't care if I am smug, my DC NEVER jump on a dining table mid-dinner like other kids I know and that is partly (mainly) me being a hardass about manners and behaviour.

Pigsmummy · 15/03/2013 23:00

I understand what you mean, parents need to believe in themselves more (as you say special needs aside). Hitting parents isn't acceptable behaviour......

Pigsmummy · 15/03/2013 23:09

WOW! Never seen a post with so many deleted responses. Angry parents= angry children??????.... I don't know for sure because the responses have been deleted..........

StuntGirl · 15/03/2013 23:49

Who went crazy with the delete button?!

I stand by my original point. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

LazyMonkeyButler · 15/03/2013 23:58

Firstly, YABVU, you are lucky.

Secondly, DS1 is 16 - was a nightmare very spirited little boy at primary age but is now a well mannered, polite young man (and that's with Aspergers too). DS2 is 12, as a small boy I was forever complimented on his lovely behaviour and manners. His school reports have always stated how he's a "lovely boy" - at home, he's all hormones & tantrums!

Never be smug as a parent - it'll usually come back to bite you on the bum at some point!

LadyBeagleEyes · 16/03/2013 01:29

I think Op has reported the posts that haven't agreed with her,
And MNHQ have been a little bit agreeable with the delete button.
So she's just won the the Mumsnet perfect parent award.
Well done OP.
Three cheers
Hip Hip...
Oh fuck it, I CBA wth the Hooray.

Emilythornesbff · 16/03/2013 06:21

In op's defence, she hasn't actually bitched about other parents or their children. Just made an observation/ criticism.
I think most ppl would agree that children need boundaries and guidance.
The post might seem a bit smug but op hasn't said that "the rest of us" are shit parents.
Of course we can disagree with each other, but I think op's come in for some undue harshness in a few of the posts.
Just sayin' eh! Brew