Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find it annoying when people tell me I'm lucky to have well behaved children?

287 replies

alisunshine29 · 15/03/2013 12:08

My eldest is 5.5 years old and youngest has just turned 9 months. Today we walked to school then I took youngest DD to a baby/music group. On the way to school we saw eldest DDs mum drive past, DDs friend was hitting her mum while she was driving and she was struggling to fend her off. We caught up with them at the car park and the mum was talking to her child as though it had never happened (I wasn't mistaken - they'd stopped in traffic so could clearly see) and 2 mins later her daughter started having a tantrum about taking a toy to school and slapped her 2 year old brother in anger. The mum barely reacted and in the end let her take it and left it for the teacher to take away and deal with the consequences. Younger brother was trying to climb out of pushchair so mum passed him her iPhone with a tv show on to keep him still and he threw it in the road! Mum just smacked him and retrieved it. After the eldest children had gone in to school, she excused her daughters behaviour by saying that she's tired because she went to sleep fifteen mins late last night and had to walk from the car park - it's about 300 metres!! She asked where I was parked and I said I'd walked from home, she was amazed as its almost two miles away. She then commented on how lucky I am elder DD is so well behaved and can cope with the walk.
At baby group, it was chaos as they have organised music activities where parents and kids sit in a circle and do actions etc. The leader specifically asked children are not allowed to run riot like last week, when some damage to the building was caused and pointed out a separate room where those not wanting to join in could go for a chat and cup of tea. Still, mums let their babies crawl/toddle everywhere, older toddlers were running around and pulling notices off the wall leaving pins on the floor etc. Their mums either ignored them or tried to pin them still on their lap. Again, a mum commented that I'm lucky that my daughter is well behaved.
Of course my youngest is only tiny and has no rules as such, but if she wasn't interested in the music group I'd have gone in the other room and kept her happy/occupied. I'm quite strict and very consistent with my eldest DD hence the reason I believe her to be well behaved - it is not luck. Special needs excluding, I think it is inexcusable for a child to hit a parent like DDs friend was this morning - particularly while she's driving, it's dangerous for everyone. To not do anything about it I believe is the mum neglecting her duty to her daughter. Her DD was going crazy in the school foyer about the teacher trying to remove her toy and her mum just shrugged and left them to it like its normal. AIBU to be annoyed when people say I'm lucky to have well behaved children?

OP posts:
WestieMamma · 15/03/2013 16:52

My mum raised 6 kids and was extremely strict, back in the day when it was normal to get a slipper across your backside if you were naughty. The first 5 were/are all extremely well behaved. The youngest was an absolute nightmare, to the point that my mum has always said that if he'd been her first, he still would have been her last.

KatieMiddleton · 15/03/2013 16:55

You are the best OP. Have you thought about writing a parenting book? Then I could read where I'm going wrong at my leisure.

I'm likely to miss any more of your pearls of parenting wisdom on here because I am going to hide your future threads until i am worthy.

HollyBerryBush · 15/03/2013 16:57

I'm strict, far stricter than my peers.

I remember those days where they children fought like cat and dog and I used to gaze at all the little Enid Blyton families, who weren't fighting, were sharing and being generally nice to each other >sigh

FunnysInLaJardin · 15/03/2013 17:02

MTS my DS2 who is 3 is, shall we say, spirited. He is very difficult to discipline as he thinks everything is a huge joke and trys to make you laugh along with him when being told off. We have to spend a lot of time trying to persuade him to behave. I think that you were very lucky that you only had one incident to deal with and after that he behaved. That is down to the individual child IMO and not your parenting.

Also I would never say that we didn't love our DC ever at all. I would say you are being naughty and I don't like you much at the moment, but not love? Never. Maybe I am too soft Hmm

SoniaGluck · 15/03/2013 17:04

MTS is clearly winding us up

I really hope so. If not, Hmm

Pagwatch · 15/03/2013 17:05

My children are incredibly well behaved. I worked really hard at parenting. Did lots of thing well, made lots of mistakes.
It's still luck though.
I have friends who parent just like me and their children are different to mine. And some of my DCs good behaviour is a result of my having to have really strict rules because of ds2s SN - so at times I wish they had had more cheeky lippy fun rather than having to be good as gold while I wrestle with ds2s challenges.

If your kids are fantastic enjoy it. If your parenting works, enjoy it. But allow for the fact that all sorts of shit can mess with the best efforts of the loving and the well intentioned parent.

SneakyNinja · 15/03/2013 17:07

I'm a shit parent and my Ds is a bloody dream. So either it's luck, or shit parenting is the way forward.

FunnysInLaJardin · 15/03/2013 17:09

Stunt my thoughts exactly. Take a look at your own backyard first

D0G · 15/03/2013 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyBeagleEyes · 15/03/2013 17:18

Grin SneakyNinja.
I didn't have MN when ds was growing up, but reading some of the stuff I did/didn't do makes me the crappest parent ever.
Sometimes too little information is better than too much, I just parented instinctively, and ds at nearly 18 has turned out rather lovely.

tallulah · 15/03/2013 17:19

I had to check and this is the same poster who thinks people should be able to cope with their own children alone Hmm Clearly didn't take on board what most people said then that such a big age gap between children can make life so much easier.

I was a really really well behaved child, because I was ruled with fear and threats. I daren't put a foot wrong. Like others I made up for it in my teens by heavy drinking and lots of sex. As an adult I have a huge number of anxiety-related problems.

I have 5 children; 4 of them grown up. We were congratulating ourselves on our clearly superior parenting of the eldest 4 when our little one was born. She has proved to be a real trial, and DC4 has hugely gone off the rails since turning 19 despite having been a very compliant and well behaved little boy.

People tell me my kids are lucky because they have the same parents who have been married to eachother for almost 30 years .but of course these things take work, don't they OP?

flippinada · 15/03/2013 17:20

My DS was atrociously behaved and used to have horrific, humdinging tantrums when he was aged 2-4.

Now aged 8 he still has his moments but is generally lovely, kind, well behaved and is doing well at school.

So I'm either a shit parent or a brilliant one. Not sure which....

Amykins · 15/03/2013 17:31

Perhaps when people say you are lucky, they are in fact paying you a compliment, maybe trying to be friendly, trying to begin a conversation. I am sure they are not trying to annoy you.

AngelWreakinHavoc · 15/03/2013 17:39

It seems every other day you have an aibu on the go op.
I find it quite strange and I am starting to question the sincerity of your posts.

D0G · 15/03/2013 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngelWreakinHavoc · 15/03/2013 17:44

Just read a couple of pages and seems I'm not the only one who has noticed this. Hmm

WorriedMummy73 · 15/03/2013 18:12

Smuggy Smuggerson much! I have 3dc. DD (the eldest) is amazingly well-behaved. Always a smiley, happy baby/toddler/child. Starting to get a little attitude now she's 11, but nothing compared to some of her friends! DS1 (8) used to be the bane of my life - around 2/3 used to punch/kick/scratch/bite me when in a temper. Still very highly strung, but such a loving little boy. DS2 (4) is an absolute monster! Can't sit still, stomps around the house, has bitten people at nursery (I nearly died) and can generally behave like a little s**t when the mood takes him. I love them all dearly and have treated them all the same. I always joke that if I'd had DS1 first, there would have been no siblings! Luck of the draw, I'm afraid.

recall · 15/03/2013 18:23

alisunshine29. Maybe your children have more autonomous minds..

JenaiMorris · 15/03/2013 18:28

yy Amy

This is another of those AIBUs that demonstrates just how easily some people find offence in the most innocuous of smalltalk.

Domjolly · 15/03/2013 18:33

I worked with chikdren since i was 16 its not usually down to luck

Normally down to boundries
Hard work
Love
Support
Displine
Rountine ect

idshagphilspencer · 15/03/2013 18:36

My parenting mantra
Don't take all of the credit....don't take all of the blame.

lljkk · 15/03/2013 18:46

Would have had a lot of YANBU responses if only OP had worded it differently.
I (am perverse I know) enjoy a good outrageous smuggery thread, but am managing to feel sorry for OP because of the bashing she's had.
If you have enough children for long enough you learn to take credit or blame for very little.

lljkk · 15/03/2013 18:46

(Snap @ idshag!)

Amykins · 15/03/2013 19:02

People tell me how pretty my daughter is. I do not get annoyed. I love to hear it, sometimes people are nice.

Gingerodgers · 15/03/2013 19:08

What worra said,