To not want PIL to stay even though they have nowhere else to go?

[curiousgeorgie]

PIL are having some work done on their house. Loads actually, it's a complete renovation and DH and I are overseeing it for them.

It was supposed to start last month and be finished by June but due to delays and adding a few extra things on its not not supposed to finish until mid to late July.

I'm due June 25th but will be having a C Section at either 38/39 weeks... I already have a 2 year old DD and to top it all off am moving house around the 3rd June.

PIL have been told that they should be out of the house for the whole of June until the work is complete. Before that they can stay and builders will work around them. They were going to stay with BIL & SIL but just learned that they will have her mother over (good timing!!) for practically the whole month and don't have the room, but we have a spare room, and after we move will have 2 spare rooms... So PIL have just assumed they're coming to us.

My DH is out of the house from 7-7, and PIL are in ALL day. I don't think I want them there when I am really heavily pregnant and just wanting to sleep in front of the tv with DD, enjoy seeing friends and not be a hostess. I also think it will be absolutely awful to have them in the house when I'm just home from a c section... My DH is planning 2 weeks paternity and 2 weeks working from home and it was a month I've been so looking forward to.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. He thinks they'll love being here and can look after the baby / DD for me... But I just don't want that. Even though they made a joke to DH that it's stay with us or in a box somewhere

So... AIBU??

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Really, fuck the lot of them.

[Sugarice]

We'll done georgie what arses they are and as for MiL, there are no words.!

[Sugarice]

I think you can safely assume MiL has got the hint that she wont be rocking up for sky sports and a free bed any time soon.

[bootsycollins]

curiousgeorgie your dh is still giving them too much benefit of the doubt, your well within your rights to assert yourself by telling them in explicit terms exactly how their behaviour has made you feel. Your dh needs a wake up call, he's got the mistaken loyalty scenario going on, they won't like what you have to say but that's just tough shit, stand your ground and speak out or your only saving up trouble for later.

You need to verbally deal with them and then get on with enjoying this special time and the house move, take matters into your own hands and give 'em the good news, your lives will improve for the better once you take charge of the situation

[bootsycollins]

Sorry! Took ages writing that, excellent text from Mr Curious, hope they give you some space.

[charlottehere]

Yanbu. Just say no.

[teejwood]

What Goldmandra said above about the golden child syndrome struck a major chord - same in my family. And seeing the strength you have shown, georgie, has helped me stick to my guns about a situation within my own family.
So thank you for the inspiration and I hope the test results come back OK.

[SoggySummer]

OMFG your in-laws the whole frigging lot (bar superstart aunt) are selfish bastards!!! Fuck the lot of them.

I am raging for you!!!!

[MousyMouse]

georgie just to reassure you, a friend (teacher) had a cmv infection when pregnant. it was picked up at the 20 weeks blood tests (different country) and test showed infection occured around the 10-12 week mark, the most dangerous for severe disabilities. a punkture was made to test amniotic fluid for antibodies but luckily that came back negative and baby was born healthy.
good luck!

[curiousgeorgie]

Thanks... I'm hoping that because the risk is quite low I won't get it at all. I know that these things can't be helped or no one would ever leave their houses but the fact that they knew for a while and didn't even think to tell us (when they've seen us loads!) is just so frustrating.

[seriouscakeeater]

Good luck Georgie, got a feeling you will be fine! stick to your guns girl!

[ThatBintAgain]

Christ, those people sound utterly hideous. Distance and boundaries.

I almost feel a bit suorry for your DH now. He's obviously been brought up in a family full of arseholes and sounds like he's struggling with seeing the whole situation clearly. Hopefully this will bring about an awakening for him. Hope this all works out well and the cmv isn't a problem.

[AllOverIt]

Their selfishness is quite staggering!

[MrsMangoBiscuit]

Georgie, DH and I have been following your thread since the beginning. DH had a few choice words for your ILs until the CMV update, now he's speechless, which is a first!

I agree with Bertha, make things worse, so this doesn't fester and you all might be able to rebuild your relationships. I would be making a big scene about this, and not least because I would worry what they would pull next if they thought this was ok. I really hope your tests come back clear.

[sillyoldfool]

have been lurking on this thread all the way through, your ILs are unbelievable!!!
please start a new thread and link to it before this one fills up....I want to know what happens!

[timidviper]

Just echoing others. Have been watching the thread, your ILs sound like a nightmare, hope you and baby are ok

[fryingpantoface]

stupid in laws!

Best of luck for the results

[majoreggie]

I am so sorry to hear about the risk of cmv, Georgie.

And I agree that your ILs are all a load of utter twunts.

But I think you have been amazing in the way you have handled the whole situation. as you can't have .

[ShShShSh]

CuriousGeorge, Hope you don't get CMV and that all will be ok with you.

Re the inlaws staying with you - I wouldn't be at all happy with what happened at the party. I would take from that conversation that your PIL still intend to stay with you which is why they refused the aunts invitation. Also, the way your DH asked if they could try to find somewhere else to stay rather than telling them it is not convenient and they can't stay at that time leaves it very open ended. They sound like the type to come back and say they don't have anywhere else to stay so will stay with you

Hope it works out

[letseatgrandma]

Your DH needs to get in contact with the in laws now and say that you have had enough and want to bake it perfectly clear that they will not be staying so they have ample time to organise alternative accommodation.

I really do think they need things spelt out on words of one syllable or it will come back and bite you.

[digerd]

Your DH is still not being assertive enough. He has to tell them, not ask if they could.

[Lancelottie]

ShShShSh -- if you could just rephrase 'organise alternative accommodation' into words of one syllable?

I suggest 'f**k right off'. Other translations possible...

[Aniseeda]

I agree.

I think they are saying what they think you want to hear at moment but fully intend turning up on your doorstep anyway. I know people who think if they just ignore a "problem" (and, to them, the problem is you not wanting them to stay when, as far as they are concerned, they won't be any trouble at all!) it will go away and all work out in the end.

You must get your DH to confirm with them what arrangements they have made and keep repeating that they are not coming to you.

Have a plan B in place for when they turn up with their suitcases anyway.

Hope you are OK.

[Toastismyfriend]

Would simple be best? Think like you're talking to a toddler..no need for discussion or negotiation. Pil, sorry we don't have room for you whilst your house is being demolished, we hope you sort out somewhere to stay. Bil, I'm sure you haven't realised how you've put us at such a dreadful risk. We will let you know the outcome, obviously it is a worrying time for us. (Then lock all the doors and only ever speak to them through a letterbox)

[expatinscotland]

They are going to turn up with cases in hand if your husband doesn't grow a pair soon.