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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want PIL to stay even though they have nowhere else to go?

999 replies

curiousgeorgie · 14/03/2013 08:55

PIL are having some work done on their house. Loads actually, it's a complete renovation and DH and I are overseeing it for them.

It was supposed to start last month and be finished by June but due to delays and adding a few extra things on its not not supposed to finish until mid to late July.

I'm due June 25th but will be having a C Section at either 38/39 weeks... I already have a 2 year old DD and to top it all off am moving house around the 3rd June.

PIL have been told that they should be out of the house for the whole of June until the work is complete. Before that they can stay and builders will work around them. They were going to stay with BIL & SIL but just learned that they will have her mother over (good timing!!) for practically the whole month and don't have the room, but we have a spare room, and after we move will have 2 spare rooms... So PIL have just assumed they're coming to us.

My DH is out of the house from 7-7, and PIL are in ALL day. I don't think I want them there when I am really heavily pregnant and just wanting to sleep in front of the tv with DD, enjoy seeing friends and not be a hostess. I also think it will be absolutely awful to have them in the house when I'm just home from a c section... My DH is planning 2 weeks paternity and 2 weeks working from home and it was a month I've been so looking forward to.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. He thinks they'll love being here and can look after the baby / DD for me... But I just don't want that. Even though they made a joke to DH that it's stay with us or in a box somewhere Hmm

So... AIBU??

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 17/03/2013 21:56

Yay! Be sure to keep on at your DH - your PIL have an option of somewhere else to go, so they now don't have 'nowhere' to go, they have a two options, pay for something close to home or take your Aunt up on her kind offer!! There is no need for them to go to yours, and you don't want them, and the spare room will be full of DH's childhood crap treasures, so it's not like you've got the space anyway. Job done.

Did your Aunt say about having the PILs in front of them? Or where they elsewhere?

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 17/03/2013 21:57

Come on Aunt Curious, own up. Who are you? You've clearly been following the thread!

Mamacj · 17/03/2013 21:58

Yea where r they stayin, when r u due, is ur mum fuming about all this?

Mamacj · 17/03/2013 22:02

Love ur post dontmindifido

expatinscotland · 17/03/2013 22:02

Your DH still needs to back this up, because here is what they will do: source nowhere else and then pull the 'But we have nowhere else to stay' card.

Do not order Sky sports or arrange for the dog to anywhere.

And he needs to make it clear to them, again, 'Remember what we talked about on Sunday, you need to make sure you have somewhere else to stay.'

Mamacj · 17/03/2013 22:04

Very true

claudedebussy · 17/03/2013 22:08

wooohooo!!! that aunt sure is something. sticking up for you and prepared to take the hit herself. hang on to her - she's a good un.

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 17/03/2013 22:12

She said it to them, even down to the detail that she could pick them up from the airport and that they wouldn't need a car.

Maybe she is on here :) if you are on here Aunt J, pm me at least!!! Wink

One of the spare rooms is actually going to full of crap... Because people are right and I'm seriously going to have loads of boxes I don't get to unpack at 9 months with only about 2 weeks between moving and c section... and the other spare room that will eventually be the babies is going to be full of boxes of baby furniture and bags of room accessories... I'm literally choosing a cotbed, wardrobe, changing table, bookshelf and various bits and bobs in the other window right now :)

OP posts:
NigellaTufnel · 17/03/2013 22:20

What was the PIL's reaction to all this?

manticlimactic · 17/03/2013 22:23

Have to agree with expat. Make sure they do realise. Sounds like they said no to Auntie because they thought they could still stay with you.

Loulybelle · 17/03/2013 22:24

Awwwwww, bless that woman, everyone needs an aunt like that.

Skygirls · 17/03/2013 22:28

Hooray for Aunty! I'm glad that she voiced it in front of PILs.
MIL still may try another tactic, because of ' can't travel as we'll miss the baby being born'

At least you know you have Aunty on side. Keep eyes and ears open for any subversive tactics and I wouldn't let BIL/SIL off so easy. They know what they've done was not on!

Well done for today though! Wine

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 17/03/2013 22:31

PIL were polite and said they'd love to come but can't miss the baby being born. And chatted happily with her about her house / their renovations etc.

But we were clear and they heard us when I said to DH's aunt that they wouldn't be coming, that we don't actually have the space, she roughy up that we will have just moved and want it to be our little family, and DH said to them that they should go to Aunt & Uncles for a holiday, implying (I promise it was clear) that they'd better or they'll have nowhere else to go for free

I plan to bring up Aunts offer to them as the best possibility for them when I see them later this week. I'm also going to get SIL thinking its a great idea as she is VERY forceful and I'm sure could convince them.

Imagine... Not only not in my house but out of the country?? I'd better buy a lottery ticket ;)

OP posts:
Loulybelle · 17/03/2013 22:36

You could be on a winner, Georgie lol.

MyDarlingClementine · 17/03/2013 22:41

a voice of clarity and reason, imagine how many familes would avoid such catasprohic fall outs if they had an aunt like that in them to help nagivate things.
well done op!

seriouscakeeater · 17/03/2013 22:46

Ooh well done!
Don't want to be a party pooper but untill you have spoken to MIL and she had acknowledge she is NOT coming I still think it'd a possibility she could have thrown a deaf ear.
Don't leave any room for 'mis understandings' best of luck Shamrock

xigris · 17/03/2013 22:56

Hurrah! Love the sound of Aunt Curious. Well done Georgie, you've been fab. I really think the in laws haven't got a leg to stand on now. Grin

thezebrawearspurple · 17/03/2013 23:01

Delighted for you, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, you can look forward to it again!!!

Kneedeepinshittynappies · 17/03/2013 23:09

Change thread title! They DO have somewhere else to go! Loved this thread and you major balls, feel inspired to finally stop taking PIL shit! whole other thread for the day iM brave enough to post it

Inertia · 17/03/2013 23:19

Auntie J sounds brilliant, do you think you could loan her out to all the other mumsnetters with problematic families ?

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 17/03/2013 23:22

She's not even my aunt really! She's DH's... I think it's a teacher thing. One of my best friends is a teacher and she's pretty amazing in a matter of fact / take no crap way :)

OP posts:
HeadfirstForHalos · 17/03/2013 23:29

She sounds like a breath of fresh air on that side of the family! I want an Auntie J (in law or otherwise) Grin

I'm glad your dh has seen sense, sometimes men just don't seem to "get it" with things related to childbirth, bonding and personal space! Plus as they are his mum and dad, he would be comfortable around them, like you would be with your mum around. He was probably transferring those feelings without thinking it may not feel the same for you.

candyandyoga · 17/03/2013 23:37

I would leave trying to get then to the auntie. You have made your position clear so leave them to sort themselves out!

LittleEdie · 18/03/2013 01:37

Phew! So glad it's (almost certainly) sorted. Really felt for you with the Sky thing. I wouldn't rest easy till they have plans that are unlikely to be changed at the last minute. You don't want them arranging to go abroad, cancelling at the last minute cos of they baby, and then where do they stay...?

auntpetunia · 18/03/2013 05:29

I'm still not sure MIL has taken this. She said "no they'd miss the baby being born " I know your DH and Aunty said they weren't but I agree with others who reckon pils aren't going to organise going, and then just turn up at yours with nowhere to stay. You need yo keep in touch with Aunty J until you know they've got tickets.

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