to think that children should buy presents out of their own money?

[Dromedary]

My DCs are 10 and 8. They receive very little pocket money, and small amounts of cash at birthdays and Christmas if they're lucky. If it is a family birthday, or Christmas, I expect them to use some of their own money to buy presents, and to really give some thought to the gift. If they had no money (but they should really hold enough back), they could make something. They sometimes also buy little presents for friends' birthdays, eg a packet of sweets. This makes the giving and the receiving really mean something. I have been really put off by seeing my, much older, nieces give no presents, or give presents which they have at best chosen at speed, with their mum doing the buying. They simply prefer to keep their money for themselves, and their mum goes along with this. At the same time, they don't bother to say thank you if you give them a present. It just feels like take take take.

Sorry, I meant yanbu!!!

great uncle - to me its the attitude she has and the expectation that they use money other people have given to them as a gift to buy gifts for others. Personally i don't think that teaches children any good lessons.

Great did yours get little money and had to use pocket money or did you give them some money to go shopping. I do not know what little is in terms of pocket money OP may be a multi millionaire and little means £200 a week but they are only 8 and 10 I think the age makes a difference?
And handmade gifts are the best but the point is I do not expect anything in return for being a parent I think that is why the OP is getting a "kicking" her expectation of reward for duty.

I dont but buy my siblings gifts, sometimes not even cards, I dont always buy close family gifts either, its rare for me to get gifts from family too but you know what? They know I love them very much and appreciate everything they have ever done for for me, as I do them. We show this by spending time with each other, speaking regulary etc and none of us are spoilt brats either.
My Mother (and other family members) would be very dissapointed in me if she gave my Daughter (also 8) a cash gift which she was then expected to spend part of on others gifts. She gets quite a lot of cash at bdays and i would not dream of expecting her to pay towards presents, we take her shopping she buys some toys and keep sthe rest for more toys in the future she offers to pay for our takeaways wtc but I would not dream of allowing her to do so.

I dont want to sound braggy or boasty here but she is one of the lovliest children you could ever meet, she is extremley well behaved, hard working and will help others at the drop of the hat, her school have sent letters home about what a great example she is, so she proves your spoilt brat theory wrong OP. I am very very proud of her because of who she is, not because of how much she spends on me on birthdays (which is actually 0).

Oh dear, my mum was like this. I worked out one year that if I bought everyone a reasonable present, including mother's day and father's day, I would have a minus amount left. And no money to spend on myself.

It sucked. One of her many attitudes to things that was a bit rubbish.

My kids have reasonably generous pocket money, plus I'll buy them a card and present for their friends if we're out together and slip them an extra fiver/tenner if necessary.

YANBU at all. They should put some effort in and show some initiative. I have a chimney that wants cleaning. Send them here.

I won't charge you for the work experience and each of them will earn sixpence.

I have no idea why she has been given such a kicking on this thread.

Maybe because she seems to think that:

i) because she cares for her children she deserves presents (bought out of the very small amount of money that they are given for themselves)

ii) because she thinks that people who don't do the same are bringing up children who will grow up to be lazy and entitled.

And for what its worth OP i know someone who had similar experience when they were small, their Mum would expect them to buy gifts with their own money for as long as they remember, leaving them with nothing for themselves, fast forward to adulthood and that person now has very very little contact with their mum, she still gets her expensive gifts from them but thats about it.. I hope this wont be you when your children grow up OP.

chimneys aside, we give ours a monthly allowance designed to be enough for travel, outings, small gifts etc, present money goes into the dame account and is just part of the pot

I think the best thing you can teach them, is gifts aren't that important at all, it's what you give emit ally that matters. That is a much better lesson in life than expecting them to spend their money on your present

How old are your Hully?

The OP was getting a kicking long before she said that she expected them to buy her a present.

Its all very black and white with you OP isnt it.

In the real world my experience is that on the whole most youngsters grow up to be nice, hard working young adults who enjoy giving gifts and helping others.

Really charlady? How would that work seeing as the op and indeed thread expresses exactly that?

OP - my children say thank you, please, are polite to everyone and I frequently get told how lovely they are, relaxed but not tearaway.

They don't get everything they ask for, far from it. They get generous birthday and Christmas presents, but not much in-between - maybe some books.

They are too little for pocket money, but when we start giving it then it will be theirs to keep. Until they are much older.

The OP was getting a kicking for expecting her kids to spend money given as a gift to them on buying gifts for others. I give you a gift, the gift is for you - not for your mum to make you give away, whether it is money, toys, whatever. That, in itself, could be seen as an act of ingratitude.

I'm not, 15 and 14 now, we started a couple of years ago, before that we just bought everything'

I can't speak for the OP but my kids sometimes buy something specific with a particular cash gift or sometimes they stick it in their money box along with their pocket money. Shock, horror, this might mean that when they buy their sibling a birthday present it might have technically have come out of the money given to them by Aunty Dot. That's hardly the same as making them spend their birthday money on a christmas present for someone else

It seems to me that you do not like your nieces parents very much or respect them at all and you're convinced that only you as a parent do things right, not your older relative and you were hoping for affirmation from the mn jury.

To me you sound judgmental and harsh and if I knew my sister or SIL judged me like this, I wouldn't want to see her anymore.

Oh and your children's pocket money is linked to how much music practise they do. Did I read that right?

I think the OP was really hoping that this thread would validate her smugness about what a Totally Awesome parent whose children would never be entitled or spoilt like her awful nieces. Didn't pan out that way, did it?

Yes exactly.

Thank you letters or saying thank you is good manners. I can agree with that. Although even my polite teenager niece/ nephews have petered off sending thank you cards now they're 15 and 16. They're in their Kevin stage now

But she sounds so judgemental and critical of her own extended family though, it's horrid to hear the venom in her posts towards them all and I am wondering what further vendetta she has with them, there's more to this than is being said here, I think. It's thoroughly unpleasant to read it. I hope she's not speaking badly of them to her Mum as well though and creating even more of a divide.

MrsDV MN is always more bonkers than normal. It defies the laws of physics.

I agree MN is crazy right now.

Has the OP been back at all?