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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that children should buy presents out of their own money?

216 replies

Dromedary · 14/03/2013 01:10

My DCs are 10 and 8. They receive very little pocket money, and small amounts of cash at birthdays and Christmas if they're lucky. If it is a family birthday, or Christmas, I expect them to use some of their own money to buy presents, and to really give some thought to the gift. If they had no money (but they should really hold enough back), they could make something. They sometimes also buy little presents for friends' birthdays, eg a packet of sweets. This makes the giving and the receiving really mean something. I have been really put off by seeing my, much older, nieces give no presents, or give presents which they have at best chosen at speed, with their mum doing the buying. They simply prefer to keep their money for themselves, and their mum goes along with this. At the same time, they don't bother to say thank you if you give them a present. It just feels like take take take.

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 14/03/2013 13:50

I thought my childhood was "really great" until I had my own kids and realised what a childhood should be like. I realised that my mum was a self centered arsehole who should never have had kids, because she didnt take any joy from us at all.

The only one acting spoilt and entitled on this thread is you OP.

StuntGirl · 14/03/2013 13:51

Aahhhh, you're a goady fucker. 'Nuff said

Bobyan · 14/03/2013 13:52

Op; AIBU?
Everyone else; yes
Op; huffs and puffs and refuses to listen.

Original poster
Dromedary · 14/03/2013 13:52

Various of you - how would you feel if your children never said thank you for anything you did for them, never bothered to acknowledge your birthday or that of their siblings, never expected do do anything to help you in any way, always took it for granted that you would spend all of your time and money on them? Presumably you'd be happy with that - after all it is parents who owe everything to their children by dint of having given birth to them. So this would be reasonable and acceptable behaviour for your children?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 14/03/2013 13:53

OP, Are you really Katie Hopkins, gearing up for your weekly round of the chat shows and DM article... ?

seeker · 14/03/2013 13:53

I would expect my children to do all of those things. i just don't attach monetary value to their gratitude.

imnotmymum · 14/03/2013 13:54

BUT THEY DO AND IT SOUNDS LIKE YOURS DOES AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM SPENDING THEIR XMAS MONEY ON ME . REPEAT IF YOUR KIDS ARE HAPPY AND DO ALL THE ABOVE WHAT THE PROBLEM ??

Original poster
Dromedary · 14/03/2013 13:55

Bobyan - if you can be bothered to read further up the thread, you'll see that the people whose parents behaved similarly with them when they were children think that it was a very good thing. Maybe their viewpoint would be worth taking on board?

OP posts:
CheeseStrawWars · 14/03/2013 13:55

"Much worse than that, they think that it is ok not to give each other a birthday present"

But why does that bother you? If they are okay with it between themselves? Presents aren't the be-all and end-all...

PeppermintPasty · 14/03/2013 13:57

But OP, our children do do those things, even though we see them as "magical creatures"...

...How have we managed that then, and still we don't think they owe us...?...ermmm?

YABU, and I reckon you're well aware of the fact.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 14/03/2013 13:58

OP

It is possible to teach all those things without making your kids pay for presents. Hmm

DD1 is 4. She says thank you unprompted. She tells us dinner was delicious, thank you for making it, she tells me she loves me unprompted, she tells me I am beautiful. (I am not, but thats not the point.)

How does she know to do all those things? I lead by example. If DP cooks dinner I say thank you etc and vice versa. We all tell each other we love each other. On mothers day/fathers day/birthday one of us takes her to choose a present, its all a big secret so very exciting. When she gives me a card that she has made I take the time to read it and discuss it, telling her how special it is!

imnotmymum · 14/03/2013 14:00

Ditto. Appreciation is the key not a gift anyone can buy a gift but no one can replace those words of you are beautiful or thanks for washing my favourite jeans for the week end.

ThePigOfHappiness · 14/03/2013 14:01

This is so grim :(
I feel really sorry for these kids. Your kids might not have an entitled attitude but you surely seem to op.

Yet another poster who asks aibu and refuses to acknowledge they might me... Drives me mad Angry

SoniaGluck · 14/03/2013 14:06

I'm beginning to see why so many children turn out spoilt and entitled. We hear from employers that a lot of young people don't expect actually to do much work when they go into employment, or to turn up to work on time, for instance.

Now that has made me a bit annoyed. My kids were never made to spend her pocket money or their Christmas/birthday money on presents for anyone (especially me, FFS ) when they were little. DS1 and DD2 are now both working. They work very long hours and each has been promoted at relatively young ages. They are dedicated and conscientious.

I let them be kids when they were kids and now they are proving to be extremely responsible and hardworking adults. I am anticipating that my younger children will be similar, they are showing signs that they will be.

My mother had your attitude, OP. I very rarely had any of my birthday money
(November birthday) to spend on myself as I had to buy presents - on behalf of my brother and myself - for not only immediate but also extended family.

I just think it's wrong to have such high expectations of very young children. It stores up a lot of resentment, in my experience.

BeeBopDingALing · 14/03/2013 14:07

Both my kids say thank you and they are toddlers. If children are taught manners then it's not an issue.

I helped out at home, remembered birthdays and said thank you as a child, because I was taught it by my parents. They never would expect presents they had given me to be regifted.

Trying to justify being a tightarse by taking your childrens Christmas money saying it will teach them to be grateful is ridiculous. That is not good parenting and you barking.

mrsminiverscharlady · 14/03/2013 14:07

I think people are deliberately misunderstanding the OP. Where has she said that she expects them to spend all their pocket money on other people's presents?! Or that they have to take handmade gifts to friends' parties??

At xmas last year I went shopping with my friend and she bought herself a jumper for her ds to 'give' her. How meaningless.

Hullygully · 14/03/2013 14:09

send the blighters up the chimneys damn it

Sirzy · 14/03/2013 14:10

As a child I was never made to buy anyone a present. When I was old enough to do so I did out of choice my parents still have the tacky photo frames I got them when I was about 11 and went christmas shopping with a friend for the first time.

Forcing children to spend their money on presents for others doesn't teach them anything IMO it has to be because they want to

imnotmymum · 14/03/2013 14:14

mrs-she says they get little pocket money and get a little xmas money if lucky and she expects them to buy gifts for people. I am not misunderstanding when she states she does lots for her kids and they could at least buy her a present. It is bonkers they are 8 and 10. It does not sound they get a lot of money so what they get surely they could treat themselves.

SoniaGluck · 14/03/2013 14:16

Oh, and just to add. DS1 and DD1 are now both very generous and thoughtful in buying presents for DH, me and their siblings. They put a lot of care into choosing what they buy but they can now afford it.

I would hate for them to go without themselves just to buy presents.

WireCatWhore · 14/03/2013 14:18

Your explanations have made you sound worse.

imnotmymum · 14/03/2013 14:18

Yes and my kids undertsnd the financial roller coaster of life DD2 bday coming up wants a tablet. Says she can if money there if not she gets £20 or something. We both self employed they get it kids are happy it is about talking not present buying.

GreatUncleEddie · 14/03/2013 14:19

Mine buy small presents just for immediate family and they did the same at the ages of the OP's children. I have no idea why she has been given such a kicking on this thread.

Cherriesarelovely · 14/03/2013 14:20

Sorry, haven't got time to read it all. I have been wondering about this too OP. I used to do alot of making presents when I was little and sometimes I bought really small things....I guess from my pocket money. I sort of expected my Dd to want to do the same and sometimes she does but at other times she is reluctant. I haven't got an answer but just wanted to say I don't think Yabu to ponder this. I absolutely LOVE her funny little cards and pictures though, I really think handmade gifts from kids are the best!

Cherriesarelovely · 14/03/2013 14:21

Poundland and the 99p stores are great though!