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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed when the MIL reads any greetings cards we have?

129 replies

PureedGoodness · 13/03/2013 07:51

She always does it. I dont mind so much with general xmas cards or birthday cards off friends/relatives (even though i do still think she is being a nosey cow). But when she homes in on reading our valentines cards my dp and i have given each other and our xmas cards we give each other (she would know they would be ones my dp and i would have given each other with it saying things like "to the one i love" or "to my fiancee" on the front. Yesterday she came round and my mothers day cards were out (my ds is only 7 months - got two off my ds and one off my cats lol) so she would have known my dp would have personalised them on my ds behalf so she would have known they would have been soppy!

I find it really rude that she reads our cards which are private to each other as they do contain some soppy stuff in them. Or in the past when we have had problems we have wrote things like "sorry for our recent problems and lets make sure this next year is better" etc etc if you get what i mean.

I have the cards in our lounge so we can see them and do not want to take the cards down just for when she visits as i normally keep my cards up for 5-7 days (depending on the occasion).

Am i being unreasonable being annoyed that she thinks it acceptable reading our private messages to each other about how much we love each other etc etc?? Its embarressing that she reads our private feelings. Or am i just been miserable cow?

I should write something naughty in a card for him like what i am going to do to him in the bedroom ...... that may stop her reading our cards from now on!! I would never dream of picking up and reading her and fils cards to each other. Or anyones cards!

OP posts:
ApocalypseThen · 13/03/2013 07:53

I think if you leave them up, people assume they're there to be seen and read.

Sugarice · 13/03/2013 07:54

My MiL will always read cards that are on display and it has never crossed my mind to be cross about such a thing.

I think you are getting narked about nothing, put anything personal in your bedroom if you don't want her to read them.

YABU.

ll31 · 13/03/2013 07:55

yabu.. if u dont want them read , dont have them on display

TobyLerone · 13/03/2013 07:55

Don't leave them up, then. What's the point if only you and your partner are allowed to see them? You might as well put them up in your bedroom.

YABU.

Sirzy · 13/03/2013 07:56

If you leave them up in a room which guests use then of course people will read them. If they are so private put them up in your bedroom or somewhere else

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 13/03/2013 07:57

Perhaps she doesn't realise that private messages are on display? Maybe she thinks that because they are displayed, they are not intimate and for your eyes only?

Maybe tell her that you'd rather she didn't read them?

It's a funny one, cards. some people are happy for everyone to read them, some hate it. there doesn't appear to be a Rule. Which makes it harder. But there's something about a card on display that makes a lot of people want to look. Grin

ENormaSnob · 13/03/2013 07:59

If you're that bothered then move them.

My gran reads ours and it doesn't really bother me. If I was, I'd shift them.

Original poster
PureedGoodness · 13/03/2013 08:00

Does respect for privacy not count then? Why should i have to move our cards which are in our house? She has been reading our cards for years so she should know by now what they contain.

OP posts:
2blessed2bstressed · 13/03/2013 08:00

My Mil does this....and I don't necessarily agree with Apocalypse , I think your cards are on your mantelpiece so you can see them, and other visitors can see/admire/smile at the fronts of the card, but picking them up and reading the inside message - that's a bit rude. I take away ones I don't want my mil to read when I know she's coming to visit Smile

Sirzy · 13/03/2013 08:01

Have you asked her not to read them?

2blessed2bstressed · 13/03/2013 08:02

X posts with loads of people! But I stand by what I said, and wouldn't occur to me to fiddle about with other people's cards and read them in their houses!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 13/03/2013 08:03

you don't have to.

you could always tell her you don't like it.

You've sat and watched her do it for years. How is she to not think that it's ok with you?

Tell her.

AmberLeaf · 13/03/2013 08:04

It isn't something Id do [read peoples cards], but I think if you really don't want them read then don't leave them where she can see them, especially if she's been doing it for years and you know it will happen!

TiggerWearsATriteSmile · 13/03/2013 08:04

My mother does this. Drives me batty.

Then again she looks in my cupboards and reads bank statements. I only found this out when she sat with the DC's while I went to the hairdresser. I caught her red handed when I had to pop back for my wallet.

Lesson learned, she no longer sits for me and I hide cards when she calls.

NewAtThisMalarky · 13/03/2013 08:06

I think YABU. If you put something on display then surely you expect people to look at it?

If its such a big deal for you, just take them down before she visits or - if you want her to get the message - when she visits, before she sits down.

2cats2many · 13/03/2013 08:06

YABU. Put them away if you want them to stay private.

DesiderataHollow · 13/03/2013 08:06

Put them on a string out of reach. That way you get to see them, and she has actively to reach up to get at them. That would be rude.

Any lovey-dovey stuff would maybe be better in a little note enclosed with the card to be tucked away safely while the card itself is put on display.

Or just leave a card out for each happy occasion that reads "stop reading this you nosey cow!"

BinarySolo · 13/03/2013 08:07

YABU. As others have said, if you don't want her to read them then put them somewhere more private. I'll often read birthday cards in people's houses, didn't realise I was crossing over some invisible barrier of acceptability.

Areyoumadorisitme · 13/03/2013 08:07

YANBU to be annoyed but YABU to expect her not to if they are up on display in a public room of the house. DH and I leave our valentines and anniversary cards in our bedroom.

I think it's rude to read other people's cards without asking but am aware not everybody does so act accordingly. Nothing potentially private is displayed downstairs.

musicposy · 13/03/2013 08:10

YABU. I always read cards if I go round my mum's or one of my close friends. I assume if they are on display, they are on public display. If ever I get something from DH I don't want the whole world to read, I put it by the bed. Why put it up publicly if you mind?

katecreate · 13/03/2013 08:10

I read people's cards- I thought that's why they were displayed Blush. On the other hand, I never mind people reading mine either. No-one's ever pulled me up on it. Didn't know until reading this I was making a faux pas!

EuroShaggleton · 13/03/2013 08:11

I think it's very rude to read cards without asking. It's normal to look at the fronts, read any jokes, etc, but not to read what is inside.

ApocalypseThen · 13/03/2013 08:11

Is it that different to looking at the framed photos? The bookshelves? Where's the line?

DeskPlanner · 13/03/2013 08:13

This has come up in here before and most people said the op was being unreasonable. However while I wouldn't read other peoples cards, I would assume that if people had then on display they are for people to read, but I wouldn't like it if they read mine.

pixiegumboot · 13/03/2013 08:13

my mil does this and it infuriates me, it is bloody rude. good idea about the string I will do that today. must admit tho I would read cards whilst at mum and dads (Christmas another country don't get home often) but I would NEVER read the cards they gave to each other. I guess that's the point the OP is making???