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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed when the MIL reads any greetings cards we have?

129 replies

PureedGoodness · 13/03/2013 07:51

She always does it. I dont mind so much with general xmas cards or birthday cards off friends/relatives (even though i do still think she is being a nosey cow). But when she homes in on reading our valentines cards my dp and i have given each other and our xmas cards we give each other (she would know they would be ones my dp and i would have given each other with it saying things like "to the one i love" or "to my fiancee" on the front. Yesterday she came round and my mothers day cards were out (my ds is only 7 months - got two off my ds and one off my cats lol) so she would have known my dp would have personalised them on my ds behalf so she would have known they would have been soppy!

I find it really rude that she reads our cards which are private to each other as they do contain some soppy stuff in them. Or in the past when we have had problems we have wrote things like "sorry for our recent problems and lets make sure this next year is better" etc etc if you get what i mean.

I have the cards in our lounge so we can see them and do not want to take the cards down just for when she visits as i normally keep my cards up for 5-7 days (depending on the occasion).

Am i being unreasonable being annoyed that she thinks it acceptable reading our private messages to each other about how much we love each other etc etc?? Its embarressing that she reads our private feelings. Or am i just been miserable cow?

I should write something naughty in a card for him like what i am going to do to him in the bedroom ...... that may stop her reading our cards from now on!! I would never dream of picking up and reading her and fils cards to each other. Or anyones cards!

OP posts:

Tinkerisdead · 13/03/2013 08:14

I'm with you on this!

I put my cards up so i can see them and re-read the sentiments. But when my first dd was born i wrote dh a card at how blessed i felt that we were parents etc and how much i loved him and mil lapped that one up. Since then she scouts all the cards for juicy messages so i just write to dh from me now.

NewAtThisMalarky · 13/03/2013 08:17

But Euro, quite often the punch line to any joke is on the inside... Half a joke isn't funny...

Trills · 13/03/2013 08:18

Some people think that cards on display are for reading. I don't necessarily agree but I can see their point of view.

I think it's very sad that you don't write personal messages to your DH now TDW. You could write a personal message in a card and then not display t where other people will come across it.

Trills · 13/03/2013 08:20

If she has done it for years then "she knows that's in them"?

If she has done it for years then she "knows" that you don't mind because it has never been mentioned.

ApocalypseThen · 13/03/2013 08:20

So is the rule that it's acceptable to accidentally read a card front from a one metre distance (so long as you don't put on your glasses to do it) and have your hands behind your back (no touching!)?

ladymariner · 13/03/2013 08:22

YABU. If you don't want people to read your cards (which is fair enough) then put them in your bedroom. Especially seeing as you said she's been doing it for years.....she's not a mind reader, she probably thinks if they're on display then they're to be read. If it bothers you that much why haven't you done something about it before now?

Bunbaker · 13/03/2013 08:23

While I wouldn't normally read other people's cards I might pick up a birthday card that has the start of a joke on the front so I can read the punchline inside.

That said, I think that if you are writing personal and intimate messages to each other then you shouldn't have them on display when you know your MIL is going to visit.
I also think this is a minor irritation and you should save your battles for more important things.

bigbuttons · 13/03/2013 08:26

It's not a private message if its on display in your sitting room is it?

manticlimactic · 13/03/2013 08:31

Are you not supposed to do this?

NandH · 13/03/2013 08:35

my pil/dm and friends read ours, I don't have a problem with it.

I guess you just shouldn't leave them out then :-/ it appears to be the norm to have a peek!

diddl · 13/03/2013 08:36

Would you care if your Mum did it?

Does your husband care about his mum doing it?

I read the cards that are up in my MILs-never occurred that they might be private!

INeverSaidThat · 13/03/2013 08:37

YABU
It is ok.

jennybeadle · 13/03/2013 08:39

This is exactly why our personal cards are kept in the bedroom.

MrsWolowitz · 13/03/2013 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thegreylady · 13/03/2013 08:40

Oh gosh I read cards in my dd's house and indeed any close relative. I tend to ask friends if it's OK to look but it would never occur to me to think it's rude and I never mind anyone looking at our cards. YABU.

ceeveebee · 13/03/2013 08:43

I always think if a card is in display in the living room then it's ok to read it - if private it should be in the bedroom. I've probably inadvertently offended a lot of my friends and family over the years then...

seeker · 13/03/2013 08:46

"But when my first dd was born i wrote dh a card at how blessed i felt that we were parents etc and how much i loved him and mil lapped that one up."
So a mother now knows how much her son's partner loves him. How terrible.

MidnightMasquerader · 13/03/2013 08:47

Good lord. What an eye-opener.

You don't read other people's cards. Even when they're 'on display'. They're on display for the person they're for and their family.

Why would you read them? They're not for you; to read them is being out-and-out nosey.

YANBU.

Pagwatch · 13/03/2013 08:49

I thought you put cards up in a reception room so friends and family could enjoy them with you? I never put up valentines cards or anniversary cards because they are nearly always private. They sit on my dressing table.

You either need to keep private ones in your bedroom or tell her. And me if i come over.

cherryflip · 13/03/2013 08:52

Life really is a minefield, so today I have learnt no to read cards on display in family and friends houses. Who knew

ApocalypseThen · 13/03/2013 08:52

Clearly you put cards up as a stealth boast, and then use looking at them or not as a kind of test.

starfishmummy · 13/03/2013 08:52

You said she's been doing it for years. So if you haven't said anything to her she obviously thinks you don't mind.
Yabu

MrsKeithRichards · 13/03/2013 08:52

I think it's kind of sweet really that my mum or mil get a glimpse of us flirting or being sweet to each other. I remember how romantic I thought my dad was growing up because every valentines card was signed by ?

everlong · 13/03/2013 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 13/03/2013 08:56

I am really confused now. If some people can read them - people have mentioned 'family' as being allowed to read them - how close family do you need to be?
If I am not counting my dhs mum as family anymore I ought to warn my mum that she might not be ok. Perhaps I could let her stand in the door while I open and close them really quickly?

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