To be annoyed when the MIL reads any greetings cards we have?

[PureedGoodness]

She always does it. I dont mind so much with general xmas cards or birthday cards off friends/relatives (even though i do still think she is being a nosey cow). But when she homes in on reading our valentines cards my dp and i have given each other and our xmas cards we give each other (she would know they would be ones my dp and i would have given each other with it saying things like "to the one i love" or "to my fiancee" on the front. Yesterday she came round and my mothers day cards were out (my ds is only 7 months - got two off my ds and one off my cats lol) so she would have known my dp would have personalised them on my ds behalf so she would have known they would have been soppy!

I find it really rude that she reads our cards which are private to each other as they do contain some soppy stuff in them. Or in the past when we have had problems we have wrote things like "sorry for our recent problems and lets make sure this next year is better" etc etc if you get what i mean.

I have the cards in our lounge so we can see them and do not want to take the cards down just for when she visits as i normally keep my cards up for 5-7 days (depending on the occasion).

Am i being unreasonable being annoyed that she thinks it acceptable reading our private messages to each other about how much we love each other etc etc?? Its embarressing that she reads our private feelings. Or am i just been miserable cow?

I should write something naughty in a card for him like what i am going to do to him in the bedroom ...... that may stop her reading our cards from now on!! I would never dream of picking up and reading her and fils cards to each other. Or anyones cards!

I might read it if they put it up on the mantlepiece in a frame, you know, as if they almost wanted people to notice it

You could always go passive aggressive
' my darling DH, you are amazing and wonderful which is staggering really given your upbringing'

If I didn't want anyone to read it I wouldn't put it on public display.
If she has always done it then it is a bit late to object now so just put them out of her sight if she comes.

I keep bills or personal paperwork away from view if I don't want them looked at.

I don't class cards as being off limits for others to nose at, to be honest we don't buy cards for anything other than birthday.

I probably ought to fess up that I probably wouldn't look because the chances are I wouldn't give a shit.

But to show you how complicated it is, if I went to my mothers house and didn't notice and comment upon a card on display, she would be a smidge disappointed.

My MIL opened all of my DS's 2nd birthday cards. I was not happy.

With regards to reading those that are up though I don't have a problem. Half of the cards will be from people she knows better than I do.

Love Pags idea!

I personally wouldn't read cards and would prefer if people didn't read mine, but don't mind too much as long as they are discrete and keep their opinions to themselves.

Once I had a card on display with a lovely and somewhat soppy message from DH. One of his friends came to stay for the weekend, read the card and proceeded to make fun of it. It went on the entire weekend, and rather spoiled the lovely fuzzy feeling that card had given me.

Oh everlong I'm not sure I could avoid a quick glance at a bank statement!

The cards though I agree with pagwatch

They are for everyone to enjoy.

YANBU. I find it weird that so many posters are saying cards are there to be read by other people/you should expect all your visitors to read them if they're in a public place.

I'd never read a card up in someone else's living room. Do so many people do it then?

I think YANBU, but it's interesting how many people think MIL's behaviour is OK. My Dad does this too and it drives me nuts (I now remove cards DH and I send to each other before he visits). My Dad's behaviour is part of a more general and all-encompassing disregard for people's privacy and boundaries (whilst being pathologically insistent about his own!). So I think this is why the card thing drives me so nuts - it feels like it's a deliberate attempt to pry.

If they are on display, I would assume they are not private.

^what LadyClarice said.
I can't believe how may people are advocating outright rude nosyness!
Cards aren't on display for everyone to read, they are on display for the recipient, why should anyone have to hide away a card in a bedroom in case someone visiting decides not to respect their privacy and have a good nose inside it??

Any card may have a personal or private message - or just one the recipient might feel self-conscious about sharing with others- and people ought to respect that. It's not for public consumption just because the card is on the mantelpiece and to assume so is just rude and inconsiderate.

I have not said anything to the mil about me not liking her to read our cards because i feel it is rude to say that. In future though i will ensure that cards between my dh and i are kept in our bedroom which is a shame really because i enjoy looking at them in our lounge and having them "out of the way upstairs" feels wrong! She may get the message though if she cant see them anymore!

Comments about having cards out on display is for everyone else to view is a different view that i have. I think its rude and i suppose because i wouldnt do it in someone elses house i expect the same respect in my house. However i do appreciate that each person has different views/opinions. Whats ok for one person doesnt mean its ok for everyone else.

Gosh I am amazed to find that I am in such a minority on this but I agree with you OP. I wouldn't dream of reading cards in other people's houses although I might admire the picture/be amused by the joke on the outside. It would feel so wrong and terribly intrusive and I don't have any truck with the comments about them being displayed meaning that they are for public consumption - this is their house and what is that if not their private space??

My mother does this and I have had to tell her not to. Mind you, she has never really understood that I am a separate person/adult deserving of respect and privacy. She is always rather stunned and I do think that for some people that is part and parcel of parenthood, making a separation from the baby/child you had where you were involved in everything, through the teenage years when they start to separate, to become their own people and into adulthood where they deserve the same respect as a friend, colleague or contemporary alongside the unconditional love of family. Some people (mothers?) never make the separation.

I'm with you. My mum does it. I actually tend to put them on the windowsill in our bedroom and it's quite fun watching her wander from room to room looking for them! She's funny about presents too and fishes to find out what we have bought each other so she can calculate the cost. She's s bit shit stirry about it too, ie " so, did oh buy you a diamond ring and some flowers" type thing. Err no love, we're a one income family with two kids and a bonzo mortgage. If he did that our kids wouldn't ear for a month. Lol.

Eat not ear!

mrsWolowitz my thoughts exactly.....

MrsWolowitz even.....

Oh god, forget the bold type!

???????? One of those mornings.......anyway, as you were, cards and all that