To consider treating children for getting good reports.

[bonzoed]

We had parents evening today for 6 and 4 year old. Both had excellent reports both academically and for their kind natures.

DH wants to treat them for their good reports. I'm not so sure. Am I being a bit mean? I suspect that I am thinking of the girls at school that had surprise gifts such as watches, cameras or cars after doing well at exams. These gifts didn't act as motivation because they were surprise rewards.

Obviously DH is thinking more of a cinema trip. AIBU to think this might be a poor precedent to set?

Have you read 'Nurtureshock' by Po Bronson?

I think if you are rewarding behaviour and effort it's fine

if you are rewarding achievement -hmm not so fine

Yes I have. Hence my dithering.

I wouldn't. Doing well should be a reward in itself. :)

To be fair we only praise for effort rather than achievement.

I wouldn't.

We always treat our kids when they get a good report, usually a small toy or special trip out like cinema or ice-cream at this posh pudding place they love.
At 7 and 10 they kind of expect it now but they always gets good report so suppose it doesn't matter. We don't buy stuff at other times of the year other than birthdays and Christmas.
It's good to be rewarded for achieving and being good.

Don't see what's wrong with having a celebratory meal out or cinema trip myself... But then I got a beanbag for my GCSE results and I still use and love it 20 years later and still think back to how happy I was to be allowed to choose it from the shop.

What's wrong with gifts being a motivation?

Or do you work for free?

They sound lovely kids. Have a family fun treat to cinema.

They are only little for a whole so enjoy aye and stuff the books!

I often rewarded mine but never in the ostentatious OTT way that you quote above, just small treats they enjoyed as a gift from DH and I. It was also never in a "If you achieve X we will give you Y" way but in a "We are really proud/pleased so let's do this to celebrate/have this as a reward, etc" way.

It worked well for us as they are both fairly sane and successful adults

I think it depends on of you would punish if they did badly.

If my sister and I did well we would have a chippy tea, something that my parents could rarely afford as a treat.

BUT

My mother always told us that if we try our best but fail she would still be proud, but if we were succeeding by coasting along she would not be proid. So it was effort we went for

When the boys were little, end of year reports/parents evenings coincided with a book fair at school. We would let them choose a book to buy, and this was a reward - explicitly for the 'effort' grades in their reports.

They are now hulking teenagers - towering over me! We usually go out for a special meal together to celebrate family successes, or effort grades in reports.

ds1 is doing GCSEs this year and we will celebrate and praise him when he has finished the exams (ie for his effort), not for the final results.

Also to be fair, I am sure I would have got the beanbag regardless of results if you get my drift...

yanbu. I'm using bribery as the only way to keep me sane and keep the kids going.

Mind you, I haven't actually decided what I would do if they had a bad report.

there is a book fayre at our parents night so they will get to choose a book each

We take our two to McDonald's for a McFlurry on the way home from
Parents evening. They're only primary age, I wouldn't consider anything like games, watches or anything like that.

I have always rewarded achievements in my DC, I think it's a goog incentive.

I think cinema is a nice idea to treat them for doing well! Better than presents in my opinion!

Of course you should reward them, it will encourage them to continue as they are. As they get older there'll be temptation to go in different directions, there's no incentive to behave well if the consequences are the same no matter what you do.

Look at is a performance related pay - all the best companies use it.

Not big rewards but we always try and do something - favourite thing for tea, stop off and pick up a magazine, swop card pack etc. We do this for effort and achievement.

I don't think there's anything wrong with treats for good reports, or for achievements that have been worked towards.

Don't do it. It seems a very odd and 'new' way to parent. Were you given rewards for doing what you were supposed to do - behave and try hard at school? I employ lots of 20 something's and I am shocked at their sense of entitlement - and they are shocked when they don't get given 'gold stars' constantly - just for doing their job.

we usually take DC out for tea, or let them choose a favourite meal at home as a reward for attitude. Emphasise it is the effort and attitude we are proud of, but do also praise attainment verbally when it is good, while underlining the importance of attitude

I have never rewarded good reports. I find reports a bit random and I think DC's should work for themselves rather than to please their parents.
I always make a fuss when their reports include things about them being polite or kind. My DC's are academic and obviously, they are happy when they do well.