To be horrified with my friend and not really want to see her any more?

[Rosesarenotalwaysred]

My 'friend' is actually the wife of one of my dh's golf buddies and while we usually get on ok, we don't really have a lot in common and I find her a tad spoilt and selfish.

She has never been particularly hands on with her kids, opting to put her son in full time child care from an early age despite her not working because she didnt want to give up going to the gym etc, which i don't have a problem with, it's her life after all.

However she recently has a 'much wanted' second child and booked a holiday abroad for the four of them plus her PILs for a couple of months after the baby was born. When it came time for the holiday she decided it would be too much hassle to take an 8 wk old baby abroad and decided instead to leave him at home with her parents and went away for 2 weeks! I know it really is none of my business but I can't help but be utterly disgusted with her for caring so little about this poor little baby, I could understand if her and her hubby wanted a night away to themselves but to go on holiday and leave the baby for 2 whole weeks seems beyond the pale.

Appletarts the all seeing eye, has it sewn up for us.
Thanks - I hadn't considered comparing a holiday with breaking the law, but now that you have so sensibly pointed it out, I can see what you mean. That's an excellent metaphor.

Not really...I just think you're clutching at straws now.

I've never agreed with anyone more than I agree with pictish right now. Listen to you lot. You should reserve your defriending (and incidentally, I'd consider that a freaking blessing should I have the misfortune of being 'friended' by any of you in the first place) for people who do bad shit to their children. Bad shit that stays with them forever and ruins their futures. Or their health - physical or emotional. Going away, for whatever damned reason, and leaving the baby with caring relatives is not that.
Did you read what squeaky said? Or any of the others who were separated from their children for whatever reason? And believe me - the baby DOES NOT KNOW the reason. Do you get that? What if the mother was ill? Otherwise incapacitated? You think the baby would know and forever hold it against the mother? Fucking ridiculous and sanctimonious to the point of absurdity.

I love how going on a holiday means your cold, uncaring and shouldn't have had children! There's me thinking its only a holiday

Would you all still be as judgy if it was an older child?

How do you know she won't spend all her time with baby once she's back?

I bet if you added up a working mothers hours she spends more time away from there child are they cold? Maybe they should not have had children!

appletarts you work with those with pnd and are that judgmental without knowing this woman, you must be a joy to work with

Hear hear!

i actually think putting your baby before yourself does make you a superior parent..

Oh yes if you can sneak off and tell baby any old shite when they're older that's better isn't it. Oh sorry I left you darling for 2 weeks when you were newborn but mummy was terribly sick (sniggers into her sleeve actually off sunning my arse in costa del shit mum). And I didn't compare it to criminality, silly pickwot, read the post darling, read the post, I was talking about judging.... sigh.

I am going to run out of chocolate medals at this rate!

would
people judge so much if she was leaving an older child? Hmm probably
not given that the baby's age is quite an important aspect of this
post...

KFC - relax and enjoy your break. I hope it recharges your batteriies and gives you some respite

I was just thinking pictish a chocolate medal was needed for the superiority of some parents

Appletarts could you tell me were you work? Just in case I ever have PND. I just want to know we're to go if I ever need help with PND....

I think it would be interesting but strange to be friends with this woman.

What would you talk about -her exercise routine?

Oh so you know all about post natal.mental.health now apple bloody glad i didnt see you when i had pnp, to anyone who didnt know me and even those that did i looked fine, so did my children, immaculate infact but yhe fact i wasnt sleeping, was hallucinating and having thoughts of killing myself and my baby was a bit of a clue that i wasnt well. And there are very few in patient places for mothers and babies so i got a week in a general psych unit without my baby. I think a holiday somewhere nice would have been bloody great instead of tgat and if i coukd have afforded it then hell yes it would have been something i would have done.

ROFL at the posters who think a baby will be permanently scarred by left in the loving and capable care of grandparents for 2 weeks.

Now, if the baby was being put in a kennel for 2 weeks you might have a point....

so,
everyone going on about pnd - I had it myself and yes, it was awful -
is just speculating and might be wrong. What if you are in fact
completely wrong and this woman is totally mentally healthy and just
wants to fuck off away from her 8wo for a bit, that still ok?

Yes buzz its still ok. Wouldnt be what i would do but its still fine.

Yup. It's up to her.

Annie . Kennels..........why didn't I think of the kennels [buffoon]

Of course it's okay. The baby is being lovingly cared for. It's not a choice everyone would make, but sometimes opportunities like holidays come along and you have to take them.

Obviously if this woman has PND she needs support and understanding, not judgement.

But those of you defending her choice to holiday without her baby, are you mainly doing so because you think she might have PND?

If you knew for sure she hadn't, would you still defend her choice? If so, then PND is irrelevant to your argument.

I suppose a lot of women in this thread (like me) just cannot relate to the idea of being ok with leaving their 8 week old baby for two weeks. I wouldn't assume she was a shit mother but I would find it harder to connect with her as a friend. There would just be that dissonance there, which can inhibit friendship.

I suspect that the posters who are wailing and clutching pearls about how awful this will be, and won't someone think for the poor baaaaaaaaaaaybee are the types whose children are the centre of their entire universe and have no life outside of caring for their family.

whatsthebuzz' as long as the child is with their loving grand parents,then yes it's totally fine. Let them go and have a fantastic time in the full knowledge their baby is with loving grandparents. Nothing wrong with it!

But those of you defending her choice to holiday without her baby, are you mainly doing so because you think she might have PND?

Hadn't occurred to me. I just think it's her business.

Putting all judging aside. It is unusual to want to leave a tiny newborn.

If apple works with mother's that have PND , then I suspect she does know a bit more than most of us.

I'd find it hard to be friends with a woman like that. Probably because its totally against my feelings. I guess because most friendships are based on common ground.

YANBU op there will be many women who don't have an issue, and she can make friends with them. Free yourself!

Why does it have to boil down to what I would do or not do all the time? Have we all really got such a narrow worldview that all our opinions are only ever formulated on personal experience?

See, I wouldn't do what OP's friend is doing. I've left my 2 year old for 2 nights. Choccy medal for me! Does that mean that is is therefore abusive for someone to leave their baby in a safe, loving environment while its DPs go away? Not at all. Extended families were traditionally much more involved in childcare than they are now. I think many parents are actually quite possessive of their own kids these days.

As for apple's comments on PND, that's quite a frightening generalisation for a MH professional to make. Two of my friends have had it and they both managed - just - to look after their babies and themselves. Think you might need to reflect on your practice if those are your views.