To be horrified with my friend and not really want to see her any more?

[Rosesarenotalwaysred]

My 'friend' is actually the wife of one of my dh's golf buddies and while we usually get on ok, we don't really have a lot in common and I find her a tad spoilt and selfish.

She has never been particularly hands on with her kids, opting to put her son in full time child care from an early age despite her not working because she didnt want to give up going to the gym etc, which i don't have a problem with, it's her life after all.

However she recently has a 'much wanted' second child and booked a holiday abroad for the four of them plus her PILs for a couple of months after the baby was born. When it came time for the holiday she decided it would be too much hassle to take an 8 wk old baby abroad and decided instead to leave him at home with her parents and went away for 2 weeks! I know it really is none of my business but I can't help but be utterly disgusted with her for caring so little about this poor little baby, I could understand if her and her hubby wanted a night away to themselves but to go on holiday and leave the baby for 2 whole weeks seems beyond the pale.

I don't think it will damage the baby. I'm not that soppy.

It just strikes me as very odd that a woman would want to leave a newborn. Its programmed in to us to have them close by. Nature does that.

I was very close friends with a woman in the US her DH was away in the services... for months at a time. Their little girl suffered terribly.

I traveled abroad many times when I had just one child, it started when he was 14 months. There is no memory of it (for him) he is fine. The difference is, I had to go to work. I didn't have a choice.

That's what I thought Thingiebob. She's going away with her DH, PILs and DC1. But leaving the baby at home

I don't understand how anybody could defend that.

This thread is not about her dh and his friend, is it? Its irrelevant.

A lot of what is on this thread is entirely irrelevant.

Op feels that she has less in common with this woman than is worth pursuing a friendship for. I'm surprised she had to ask, frankly.

We cen defend that because it's her choice. Not yours.

I'd not give a flying fuck about a refund for an expensive holiday thingiebob Seriously? If I found out I couldn't take my newborn, I'd stay home!

Agree eavesdropping

I think it's rather difficult for children not to become the centre of the universe for their parents It's happens quite easily I think, especially when they are so young. Even for someone like me, who was never maternal/, never had a longing for children, like my own company, my own hobbies etc etc , my 2 DCs, both under 5 are the centre of my universe, everything does revolve around them, everythign is done with their wellbeing as the priority, even if you kid yourself that it doesn't...well it's like that for me and DH, can't speak for anyone else I guess.

YANBU OP, I would find it pretty strange that anyone would do what your friend did. But I'd be even more worried that your friend (and also her DH)hasn't bonded with their baby properly, to even contemplate a 2 week holiday (not even a necessity like work) away from an 8wk old child. Even if I considered such a thing (I wouldn't have), my DH would certainly have put his foot down, he wouldn't want to be away willingly from his tiny baby for that long...I mean you'd miss them wouldn't you?

Its their choice and if course the dh is relevant, nk-one would give a shit if it was just the dad going away and leaving the baby.

There could be any number of reasons to leave the baby, not that it matters.

And its a good job the op dooesnt want to be friend because if she is this judge mental if the woman she was never her friend in the first place,

As I said lots of my friends parent differently than me, but they do what works for their families, each to their own. There is no abuse or neglect.

oh
yeah, you're not allowed an opinion on any woman's choices because
they're not yours, it's none of your business, not up to you, etc.
Yawn..

Ah, choice. The word that can just shut all debate down.

People choose to do all sorts of things. Doesn't make them right, and it doesn't mean people have to agree with them.

If you can't get a refund and then you can't take another holiday? It may be a one off opportunity.

I wouldn't leave my baby but I won't judge someone that can.

YANBU at all

I don't understand why some people posting here think YABU. It is not bad to judge someone who clearly thinks so little of her children that she will hand them over to someone else at the first opportunity. It's not like eg she is primary earner and has to get back to a high stress job.

I know it's horses for courses but... I will go ahead and judge. Sorry but I think that it is very off to leave such a small baby for TWO WEEKS. FFS. A night or two, fine. But two weeks?! Seriously?

Also I will judge her for being a lazy cow. If I could manage to take 4 week DS, my first baby, on 30 hours of flights to get to NZ with just DMIL to help me, there is no good reason why she can't take a baby to the Canary Islands FFS with THREE OTHER ADULTS TO HELP HER. My DS was FF too so it's not like I had the ease of BF of the plane. It is a piece of cake to travel with a baby that age. She is lazy and selfish.

Sorry but I think she is a shit mother based on everything you've said, and I am not one to judge lightly.

I think you should tell your DH this because her DH is as much to blame for allowing his children to be treated that way.

I wouldn't want much to do with these people!

Sorry it just makes my stomach turn to think about it. I am all for mums getting the time off they need to keep level-headed but this is beyond the pale.

But unless there is abuse or neglect or crime involve, they do have to accept that often their opinion counts for fuck all. Like now.

I'd not give a flying fuck about a refund for an expensive holiday thingiebob Seriously? If I found out I couldn't take my newborn, I'd stay home!

Agree with this!

You can have an opinion and say you woulkdnt do it, but to that doesn't mean you can decide she is a crap parent, get hysterical and call her heart less and go on about neglect.

I wouldn't leave mine, but I don't think its a crime for a mum to do so and its nipot bad parenting or neglect either.

zara

Please try and have an opinion!

Well in that case, perhaps you should ask MNHQ to get rid of AIBU pictish. Because on every thread, whether people think YABU or YANBU, it's all just opinion. That's the whole point of this bloody board!

Ahem... Perhaps I went overboard.... Clearly I need a

clearly in the eyes of a fair few it IS bad parenting...

5mad a "one off holiday"

What on earth... its a holiday

you can always( at some point) get another one!

A holiday...

only read the first 50 or so...judging is for when you have the facts, as per careful attention to getting these in court.

So I don't judge without knowing why and what.

OTOH leaving my 9 week old who is currently in my arms would be unthinkable. I couldn't leave him for more than an hour or two at most.

How someone does that for two weeks is beyond me.

5madthings
How is the dh relevant? Just how?

zara here you are

Thank you feminine

The op is about her relationship with a woman.

You are completely wrong to judge but since you've judged anyway I'd just like to say you've reached the correct verdict.