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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that 'but it's mother's day' is a crap excuse.

482 replies

manicinsomniac · 10/03/2013 18:51

We had the dress rehearsal of our very large scale school play all day today .

The children were not forced to be in it. They auditioned. They have known since mid October that this rehearsal was unmissable in almost all circumstances and that if they couldn't commit to it then they couldn't be in the show.

on Friday night as he left for home one boy (with a large-ish part) told us he can't come as it's mother's day. I rang home explaining the importance of the rehearsal and pointing out how long it has been scheduled for but the response was no, he can't be away from his family on mother's day.

And now they are cross because we've kicked the kid out. They were warned.

The other 70 odd children were all there.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
thebody · 11/03/2013 21:54

Feel sorry for the 13 year old in this.

Do understand op but kinda glad my Dcs all attended good old state schools who definatly took the plays seriously but not thinking west end production.!

Essexgirlupnorth · 11/03/2013 22:02

I sing in an amateur choir and we have had a rehearsal on Mother's Day before that we were all expected to attend including the mothers in the choir.

YANBU the dress rehearsal is very important and this child also let down the other children in the play by not turning up.

The parents aren't really teaching the child to show commitment to something. If they have know about it for months they should have arranged to do it on Saturday instead.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 11/03/2013 22:50

Wow,cant believe this is still going. Thanks for all the input on both sides (but especially those who agreed with me of course! Grin )

And for those who were upset about identifiability, don't worry, i changed sufficient details, I'm not crazy!

OP posts:
RapunzelAteMyHamster · 11/03/2013 22:56

Come on then, has there been any furthers fall out from the parents? ;)

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 11/03/2013 22:59

Not yet!

OP posts:
Pilgit · 11/03/2013 23:11

Haven't read the entire thread but having taken part in productions on this scale when at school not attending the dress rehearsal is incredibly rude to the rest of the cast. We don't know the individual circumstances but assuming nothing out of the ordinary this date was known about for5 months and it sends a bad message for the future that will meant that others see rehearsals as optional. You cannot run effective rehearsals if key cast are missing. For those saying she shouldn't punish the child for the parents actions - what else could she have done? They knew the consequences as these were made clear. Parents decisions have an effect on their child. I'm another that doesn't' see mothers day as 'all that' -just like valentines day, appreciation of our mothers should go on throughout the year.

CCC1 · 11/03/2013 23:25

As the event organiser, it's your responsibility to check significant dates which might result in non-attendance. I certainly do. (I'm amazed you didn't have more absentees).

I very much doubt a parent signing an October consent form would check the date.

It's a school play - not Broadway. Family time is so important.

Since October my child has spent more days at school than at home with family. To say you can't fit it in on any other day falls a bit short as an excuse tbh (poor planning?) - especially given what us "poor" mums manage to fit in, in our "time". Don't begrudge us our day of thanks and don't make a child suffer as a result. He'll remember it - and you - for life.

grovel · 11/03/2013 23:31

CCC1, I'm astonished an event organiser is so obsessed by her time. Wow! You must be magic.

IShallWearMidnight · 11/03/2013 23:41

DD is doing two shows soon(different groups). The dress rehearsal for one is the same day as the performance of the other. As soon as I realised, I spoke to the organiser of the dress rehearsal group, explained, and said if that missing the rehearsal was a problem, we'd pull out of that show, having already committed to the other one. Because I made the effort to discuss things, it's ok that dd misses the rehearsal, school is happy that she may not make it in one day depending on how tired she is, but that's only because I made the effort to talk to all the different groups involved.
If the parents in this case had made the effort to ring up, it might have been possible to sort something out. But because they didn't, and decide their own wants took priority, the poor boy misses out.

cjel · 11/03/2013 23:56

Signifcance of mothers day is family life - Its what people have when they are not obsessed with hobbies. I too think that OP should have been responsible for pointing out Mothering Sunday in October, that family would not necessarily been able to organise their lives to suit OPs plans and YABVU

ZenNudist · 12/03/2013 00:02

Yanbu

Surprised at so many people who seem to think that an entire school calendar be organised around MD. I think that there's a bit of a tendency towards hysteria typifying MD as this unmissable religious (wtf?) family event. Some posters have more or less got your 13yo's dm as mourning a stillbirth whilst hosting a once in a lifetime family event featuring an 80th birthday cum diamond wedding anniversary for the gps in the equation. OR the family are simply over entitled fuckwits who think rules don't apply to them.

I do think it's a bit harsh on the boy but a good lesson to him. You've got to have sanctions. How else do you make it matter? Otherwise what's to stop everyone treating rehearsals as optional? It sounds like if the family has treated the subject with any seriousness and actually spoke to the play organisers,you could have reached a compromise. I dont understand the mindset of these parents who aware of their child losing their place in the play still chose to make him attend some family meal instead.

OP good for you sticking up for yourself on this thread. Seems like you're doing sterling work professionally. I see you're not bleating about missing MD & your sodding weekend in favour of helping out on the play!

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 12/03/2013 00:08

To be honest I'm surprised that volunteers organise anything for some people's precious darlings, given the abuse they get in return.

piprabbit · 12/03/2013 00:30

I'm quite angry at the posters who have said that the child wasn't committed enough to the play. From what the OP has said, the family's decision to prioritise Mother's Day over the rehearsal came from the parents not the child. It sounds like they put their foot down, and I wouldn't expect a 13yo to defy his parents in that situation.

OP - I think you should have thought twice about scheduling a whole day activity on Mother's Day, but given 69 out of 70 children managed to turn up, YANBU to stick to the rules in the case of the one who didn't.

aldiwhore · 12/03/2013 01:09

YABVU and utterly crap at organising such a big production... the first thing you do when arranging a rehearsal schedule is to check the damn calendar.

You have basically made many people choose between a rather important family day and an important rehearsal. With better planning, it would have been avoided.

YABVU to chuck the kid out of the production.

YAnotaverygoodproducer either.

NewAtThisMalarky · 12/03/2013 06:49

I know people that have celebrated Christmas early or late because of circumstances. I'm sure people could do the same for mothers day. It's surely not such a big deal is it?

Aldiwhore, it sounds like you haven't read all the ops posts about why thd date was what it was and why the dress rehearsal is so important.

QuickLookBusy · 12/03/2013 07:01

I think you are shooting yourselves in the foot- getting rid of someone with a major part in the production, in the week of the performances.

Seems a bit mad to me.

JenaiMorris · 12/03/2013 07:53

You'd have to be seriously lacking something in the maternal stakes if you'd keep your child away from something so important to them because it's Mothers Day.

That is all.

MammaMedusa · 12/03/2013 07:59

SpecialAgentKat - think your question was for me. Absolutely not, DH had his "Father's Day" celebrated on a different day so that our children could go to their Scouting Event. This has happened for the last four years. In fact, he now helps run it as it means he is with the kids that day, even if it means he is with another few hundred children too!

Wishiwasanheiress · 12/03/2013 08:56

Blimey, lively thread!

On balance, reading everyone's posts, OP YANBU. Hope the play goes off ok. Break a leg kids.

INeverSaidThat · 12/03/2013 09:06

YANBU.

At all.

It's a shame but I don't see there was an alternative.

JenaiMorris · 12/03/2013 09:35

It all goes to show that just because you pay, it doesn't mean you value your child's education any more than those of us slumming it by sending our children to state schools.

There are absolutely situations where you'd cut a child some slack for having tossers for parents, or for having parents with problems. I'd leave that to the judgement of their teachers, who I imagine have some insight into their pupils' family lives.

fascicle · 12/03/2013 10:09

aldiwhore YABVU and utterly crap at organising such a big production... the first thing you do when arranging a rehearsal schedule is to check the damn calendar.

You have basically made many people choose between a rather important family day and an important rehearsal. With better planning, it would have been avoided.

  1. Do you know the OP? If not, given the limited information on this thread, then you are in no position to judge her oganisational skills for the play.
  1. Why is it the OP's job to point out the (highly subjective) significance of particular dates? The kids and their parents have the dates - how they interpret their significance is up to them.
  1. Mother's Day = 'a rather important family day'? Do me a favour. It doesn't take all day to celebrate.
cantspel · 12/03/2013 10:35

It seems to me it is only on MN that people make sure a fuss about mothers day. In real life where real people are getting on with their lives no one makes such a big deal of it. Takes 2 minutes in the morning to give and/or receive a card and if you are lucky a few flowers and then you just get on with your day. The world does come to a standstill.

Op did the right thing and i hope the understudy shines in the role.

WaterfallsOver · 12/03/2013 10:41

Yabu. What were you trying to pull off, Les Mis in the west end? Poor child, you must have a huge ego to have felt the need to eject him from your production, I'll look out for you in Hollywood Grin

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 12/03/2013 10:45

Hmm Exactly that, waterfalls. The OP has a huge ego.

Makes me laugh actually. You get so many pushy parents who want their children to shine. The someone comes along who gives the children the opportunity to shine. And the self same parents don't allow their child who's been given this opportunity to attend a vital rehearsal because of some paltry "family occasion". And then they moan and complain when the instigator of the whole enterprise, the person who is organising the whole thing in her free time, who is giving the children the opportunity to be involved in something really big, actually sticks to the terms of the agreement they entered into.

Some things require total commitment. This was one of them.

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