AIBU to think that 'but it's mother's day' is a crap excuse.

[manicinsomniac]

We had the dress rehearsal of our very large scale school play all day today .

The children were not forced to be in it. They auditioned. They have known since mid October that this rehearsal was unmissable in almost all circumstances and that if they couldn't commit to it then they couldn't be in the show.

on Friday night as he left for home one boy (with a large-ish part) told us he can't come as it's mother's day. I rang home explaining the importance of the rehearsal and pointing out how long it has been scheduled for but the response was no, he can't be away from his family on mother's day.

And now they are cross because we've kicked the kid out. They were warned.

The other 70 odd children were all there.

So, AIBU?

[MarinaIvy]

I'm with the YANBU camp: manic, you had me at "commitment" and "69 other children...". And your subsequent clarifying posts, which patently have gone unread by some, make me all the angrier with the parents. You gave them reasonable chances to understand the consequences, both when everybody was signing up months ago, and when you got the unreasonably late notice.

FWIW my idea of a perfect Mothers Day would be to know my DS is going to be doing something amazing in a few days' time, maybe even coming to watch the rehearsal, proud as all hell to see my kid up there -in a naice warm theatre and not freezing my butt off on the edge of a rugby pitch-

How did the understudy get on?

[Bogeyface]

If someone doesn't show commitment by missing important dates should I keep them on the team or should I give the spot to another more committed pupil?

Who is to say that the pupil wasn't committed? It was his parents that said he could go, not him.

[Fillyjonk75]

Oh well fair enough if there was a general lack of committment.

I just wanted to illustrate though that there is some responsibility on the shoulders of people who run any groups to organise things when there isn't an obvious reason why people would not attend. Mother's Day isn't a massive one but school and bank holidays are usually to be avoided.

[JenaiMorris]

my idea of a perfect Mothers Day would be to know my DS is going to be doing something amazing in a few days' time

Innit tho, Marina

I spent last mothers day freezing my arse off watching ds race around a track. I'm not a martyr by any stretch of the imagination, but he's my son and I'm proud of what he does. That's what being a parent is all about, surely?

[Fillyjonk75]

Up to a point, but being a good parent is also about considering your own needs so you can stay in good mental and physical health and therefore be a better parent for it.

[Pigsmummy]

YABU

[starrystarrymole]

YADefNBU- break a leg tomorrow, hope it goes fantastically.
(Interesting to note that -sweeping generalisation ahead- the majority of the YABUs posted on Sunday.If its so bleedin important to spend quality family time Every Minute Of The Day....what are you doing on the internet? )

[CAF275]

Have been watching this one with interest. I have the distinct perception (just a perception - haven't compiled a spreadsheet) that there was a bit of a shift yesterday in the number of YANBU compared with YABU since Sunday - much more in the YANBU camp since yesterday morning. Just struck me a bit odd that more of those saying "MD is sacred - YABU" seemed to be spending MD........ on the AIBU board of MN. Or maybe I'm just being cynical

FWIW YADNBU. I was dancing mad as a child/teenager and I would have sulked for years if my parents had ever caused me to miss out on a show because "lunch with Granny" was deemed more important.

Sorry Fillyjonk75, but whilst I agree that you'll be better parent if you are in good mental and physical health, depriving your child of something this awesome just because it's MD really isn't going to achieve either - it's just plain selfish.

[CAF275]

LOL starrystarrymole - great minds! Started my comment about 20 mins ago but DD has an extremely annoying habit of wanting a "chat" every time I sit down to type anything!

[EvilTwins]

Hope lots of legs are broken OP What's the show?

[comingintomyown]

YANBU

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Fillyjonk75

"Fair enough if they missed a few early on and showed a general lack of committment."

From the OP's posts he did.

[Thumbwitch]

YANBU at all.
It's not like the boy just missed the dress rehearsal (not just any old rehearsal, the big one) - he'd also missed previous ones too.
It would have been unfair on all the others who did turn up to allow him to keep his place.
His parents are at fault for not prioritising their son's commitment to his activity, how selfish of them!

Imagine if this was a sporting fixture, and the boy was a key player - I bet people wouldn't be so keen to tell you you're being unreasonable if he'd missed that and let the whole team down, would they.

[Thumbwitch]

for TomArchersSausage - a spoof, but a very entertaining one!
My only sadness is that it doesn't seem to have been updated in years.

[bloodyschool]

It is an independent school?
I think the OP needs to keep in mind who pays her wages!!!!

[Still18atheart]

Can I ask you, who told you that he wouldn't be able to make the rehearsal, did the boy or did the mum write a note?

If his mum had written a note woukd it have made a difference.

I know you will probs say no but my dm wrote a notes for every event at school and I think that part of this was to put of gravitas into the situation.

I think I've said what I wanted to say, but finding v. hard to explain.

[Still18atheart]

Also, can I just say i feel for the poor lad. Bet in a million years wouldn't he think that missing one rehearsal would course such opposing views on Mumsnet

[JenaiMorris]

bloody

How about the parents of the other 70 children?

Your name says it all, really. I bet your a delightful customer.

[ArielThePiraticalMermaid]

Is this still going on?

Lord!

OP good luck with the production.

[bloodyschool]

'How about the parents of the other 70 children?
yes.i bet they were less than impressed with scheduling the dress rehearsal for md too!!!

[stealthsquiggle]

bloodyschool - my DC's school had an all day rehearsal on MD - a lot of the cast then went straight to choir practice and on to chapel so they were at school for 9 hours.

I spoke to several parents and not one complained. They said the DC were tired, and that they were really enjoying it, and that they would be "doing" MD the following weekend, but not one said, or even implied, that the rehearsal should not have been scheduled for MD.

[exexpat]

My DCs are at fee paying schools and I would absolutely support a teacher who did the same as the OP. Private schools have much stricter rules on many things than state schools, which can be a nuisance sometimes, but higher standards are part of what parents are paying for.

And I would have no problem with rehearsals on mother's day given the various circumstances the OP has explained.

[cjel]

wouldn't class taking decisions about how my children spend all their time as being higher standards. mental health consultant in childrens mental health once said to me that boarding schools are social services for the rich.

[exexpat]

I don't think we are talking about a boarding school here, are we? In that case all the children would be there all weekend anyway.

[exexpat]

And it's not about the school deciding how children spend all their time - taking part in the show was a voluntary thing. No one forced this boy to be involved, but he chose to take part in a major, high quality production involving a lot of time and effort. Families had to sign a commitment to be there on key dates, and this family, despite signing the agreement, decided to break the commitment for the most crucial rehearsal.