AIBU to think that 'but it's mother's day' is a crap excuse.

[manicinsomniac]

We had the dress rehearsal of our very large scale school play all day today .

The children were not forced to be in it. They auditioned. They have known since mid October that this rehearsal was unmissable in almost all circumstances and that if they couldn't commit to it then they couldn't be in the show.

on Friday night as he left for home one boy (with a large-ish part) told us he can't come as it's mother's day. I rang home explaining the importance of the rehearsal and pointing out how long it has been scheduled for but the response was no, he can't be away from his family on mother's day.

And now they are cross because we've kicked the kid out. They were warned.

The other 70 odd children were all there.

So, AIBU?

Mummy - honestly? It's not that difficult... It would take about half an hour of the OP's time.

I get, however, that this is how productions are run in her school.

In mine, and plenty of others, it would be a no brainer.

but the point is, that this IS how it is in her school and this whole thing might have been averted had the parents done what any normal person would have done and contact the OP a week or so beforehand to discuss it. As for those who are saying its unfair to punish the child when it wasn't his choice, well, the OP can't put the parents in detention can she, or ban THEM from the play. The kids I teach do SO often think that somehow the rules don't apply to them or that they won't REALLY fail or get the punishment or whatever. Their driving tests are often the first thing they fail that they can't get turned round by getting mummy to write a sharp note. Its unfortunate for this boy but we are hearing constantly now that employers can't get young staff who appreciate the basic rules of turning up, on time, not hungover, appropriately dressed etc, ie, fulfilling their obligations that they have voluntarily signed up to. If we at schools hold them to account and they actually DO suffer in some way for not fulfilling an obligation then they will learn a valuable lesson (and for those who missed it upthread, this lad had missed previous rehearsals also).

I have no drama experience beyond primary school,age but can you really cover everything that went on in an eight hour rehearsal in half an hour? And when will the half hour be? I'm guessing at lunchtime they'd be getting ready (performing to school in afternoon) so only during lesson time.

And much as the Op is probably tempted to get the school secretary to take Year 9 French first thing on a Monday morning that is a lot of children who are losing out so that one child can go out for lunch with granny.

I do understand that this is how the OP's school works, and so I don't think she's BU in this specific situation. However, I wouldn't dream of behaving like this in my own school- it would be cruel. We would simply find a way to make it work.

I have lots of drama experience, and no even for a school play half an hour is not sufficient if you want to put on a half decent performance.
I would have been saying exactly the same thing at 13 years old too. I absolutely agree with fairylights on this one. This is not part of the curriculum, this was something that 70 children CHOSE to take part in so it needs to run off their OWN effort. This shit certainly wouldn't have gone down with me.

Perhaps if it falls on Mothers Day again you could write on the form to be signed by parents: PLEASE NOTE THAT THE FINAL DRESS REHEARSAL WILL BE ON MOTHERING SUNDAY. ANYONE UNABLE TO ATTEND THIS FULL DAY REHEARSAL WILL BE DROPPED FROM THE PLAY. PLEASE BEAR THIS IN MIND BEFORE SIGNING YOUR CHILD UP.

I do think you were a bit harsh, as others have said. You never know why this particular Mothers Day may have been important to them, and I personally think any day where Mum's are recognised and celebrated should be encouraged in our children.

For all the people saying he won't regret it and remember lunch with his mummy and grandparents always, just a play, yada, yada, yada... Were you ever cast as the lead in a school play? I was once in Year 5. No theatrics, a simple play. With a lot of encouragement over a few months, I tried out. was terrified.

The confidence I felt when simple, boring little me was picked to be the lead?! I honestly don't even remember what it was about, I messed up two lines and went the wrong way after my curtsey.

But I was so proud of myself and happy. I may not remember it perfectly but I'll never forget it. It was a cornerstone for me educationally too. I wasn't too shy to raise my hand when I knew an answer or ask for help when I didn't. I remember getting my very own Student of the Month (for my year level) because I'd learned to ask for help. I was one of the students who'd never gotten one before, even by Year 5. These life skills led me from being so shy I was afraid of other students and teachers to the point I had awful marks; to being a popular girl with lots of friends who got great marks and in higher education eventually led me to a wonderful career because of my incessant questions. (Or so I tell myself! )

All this because of a play whose name I can't remember. I only remember my costume and my mum crying. Tears of joy, I hope! This was actually the catalyst for the very happy life I have now. It was a small... Well, teeny step that led to bigger steps.

If this boy is anything like me, his parents just booted his confidence real hard. I would have been destroyed if my mum hadn't wanted me in the play. Her pride meant the world to me.

Probably outed myself even more but just trying to explain 'just a play' can add so much confidence to a child's education.

FWIW I hated drama when I was older and never participated. By choice. Sadly, these people took away their child's choose to celebrate themselves instead of their son What sort of mother DOES that?! So selfish!

Honestly this whole this has be so I feel my blood pressure rising.

Evil You said your dress rehearsal day was a school day. What if a child in your play decided to skive that day and go to the shopping centre instead? Would you still let them be in?

Just interested really.

As I said I didn't do drama as a child / teenager. I did do a (fairly dangerous) sport where incredibly strict discipline was necessary to keep us safe. In my world if you are not being screamed at until you cry at least once a week then it is all very half hearted and wishy washy.

Mummy- please don't get the idea that I'm a soft touch. I'm as mad as the next drama teacher where it comes to productions, and insist on abs

What about celebrating the child choosing to do an extra curricular activity instead of watching telly or playing video games?

I feel celebrated by my DC every day. Not just for, well, existing but for the fact we're trying our hardest to teach them to respect us and how hard we work for them. Isn't respect celebration? (Genuine question, this topic does make me cross but I'd really like to know non- PA-)

I just can't ever seeing myself choosing celebrating me over celebrating my DC's hard work.

I think YANBU because:

• they knew for months
• the parents made no effort to talk to you or compromise
• the other children all managed it and you have to be fair to all

I am sure you would have worked things differently if it was indeed granny's last mother's day and they spoke to you beforehand. They could have eaten lunch near the school and he would have only missed 90 minutes not the full eight hours, for example.

DS is useless. He has no idea if anything "interesting" happened at yesterday's rehearsal. Which I guess means that if it is the OP's school then it was discretely handled or DS just tunes out and misses all the gossip

Agh- hit send to soon. I'm not a soft touch- I insist on absolute discipline in rehearsals- if I didn't our shows wouldn't be anywhere near as good. In my school though (nothing like OP's school) I simply cannot rely on parental support. Several of the kids in this year's show didn't even have parents come to see it- including one of the leads.

I don't think there's anything wrong with putting a rehearsal on Mother's Day, FWIW, but I wouldn't have kicked a kid out for not turning up so close to the production. In answer to the question about a child skiving school for my dress rehearsal- it would depend on why. A child taking herself off shopping then yes, I would be livid, but a patent keeping them at home for something (it happens) - not their fault, really.

yanbu

if they had phoned and said 'sorry granny's on her death bed and it's last chance for son to say goodbye', then maybe. but he's missed previous rehearsals, they knew the dates from the start. not on.

he's / they've got to learn responsibility!

Evil I hope you are nothing like my coaches. Since reading Mumsnet I have diagnosed most of them with some sort of personality disorder or other.....

YABU, intransigent and over dramatic.

I'd hate my child to go to your school, EvilTwins sounds much nicer!

The school, i.e. op have already made up these very unreasonable rules, thereby making them sound reasonable to enforce it. Utter nonsense.

Mummy, nah, no personality disorder... I just get very involved in the show.

why couldn't they have had the dress rehearsal today? Would have meant not having to do 8am-3am on the saturday and no clash with md?

still think it should have been worked around by the people organising it.

Maddening - because they had actual lessons to fit in, where they learn actual stuff?

What would the reactions have been if the dress rehearsal was on father's day I wonder.

Well, mine would be the same. DH has missed out on Father's Day for the last four years due to a Scouting event.

But you didn't make your child miss out?