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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh has just announced he is going out tonight and tomorrow night. I have a week old baby and 2 other children under 5. AIBU to feel mightily pissed off with him

226 replies

Mugglewhump · 10/03/2013 16:34

i have just arrived home from visiting my Mum on mothers day with all 3 children. As I walked through the door and just as DH's parents arrive at the house he announces to me "by the way I forgot I am going out tonight and also tomorrow night" He brought tickets for 2 comedy nights a few months ago (and would have known full well we would have had a newborn baby)

His will be going out just before bath and bedtime so i will have to bath 2 under 5's and get them to bed whilst the newborn screams as it will coincide with the time newborn ds normally cluster feeds.

Aibu to feel pissed off about this? I will have to sit on my own this evening with a baby plugged into my boob who i can't put down feeling pissed off, upset and knackered and to top it all its bloody Mothers day. I am fuming. Dh went out only 1wk ago to see Harry Hill (this was when i was 8 days overdue and could have gone into labour at anytime) but I was fine with this as thought I would be v miserable to moan and make him stay at home with me.

In 1wks time he has to go to Prague for a week with work so he will get rest and sleep whilst yet again I am left literally holding the baby! Am i being a miserable cow as Dh has just told me?

OP posts:
Coconutty · 10/03/2013 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dreamsicle · 10/03/2013 21:32

OP congrats on your new baby! YANBU. I can never understand what gets into some men once they have such a life changing event as the arrival of a new baby and instead of falling over themselves to be supportive they act as if nothing is different.... i don't think for a second this is an excuse for such behaviour but i have seen this sort of behaviour happen in different ways personally and with my friends. It seems to take men much longer to make the adjustment (or even realise they need to be making certain adjustments) once new baby is here, compared to women who have been preparing for it physically and mentally for 9 months. A wake up call would be useful in getting him to see how serious things are and hopefully stepping up in his role as father and partner. He doesn't sound like a bad guy, just someone who hasn't thought it through about his plan to go out and hasn't really put himself in your shoes to understand how difficult he is making life for you. Needs to reassess priorities etc and a constant reminder he now has 2 children AND a newborn baby till he gets it. wish you best of luck

Tallgiraffe · 10/03/2013 21:33

I do appreciate that I have not done an awful lot today apart from the usual washing up, washing clothes and the general stuff that comes with having 3 kids.

You gave birth 7 days ago. You should be doing nothing except bf, recovering and having cuddles with your other DC. Seriously you will make yourself ill.

Original poster
Mugglewhump · 10/03/2013 21:43

If he goes out tomorrow I am really seriously considering contacting the venue and asking them to put out an announcement. At risk of outing myself he is going to see Marcus Brigstocke in a very small venue where it is likely some of the audience will know DH as its the town where he is from. Ohh, I would so love it for him to be torn to strips by a stand up. It would be the perfect ,sweet revenge and would certainly hit home Grin

Lovely newborn DS is now swaddled and sleeping soundly and I have had a small glass of chilled pinot grigio and half a box of chocolate truffles so am feeling much better.

OP posts:
PureedGoodness · 10/03/2013 21:48

YANBU i would be seriously pissed off.

KatOD · 10/03/2013 21:49

Good for you. You sound like Wonder Woman. After a week with my dd I could barely get myself fed and watered let alone manage with two other little people and it wouldn't have been an option for my DH to go out. Really sorry your partner has decided to be so childish and selfish.

YouTheCat · 10/03/2013 21:50

Marcus Bridgstock has kids. I reckon he'd understand where you are coming from.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 10/03/2013 21:51

YANBU.

I love the idea of putting an announcement out!

"If there is a Mr Muggle in the room, Mrs Muggle would like you to know that you are not welcome at home tonight. Please stay at your mum's. She'd like to see you and tell you what a cock you're being."

(I don't think he's being unreasonable about work btw. If he has to work away, he has to work away, but he should help you put support in place)

NonnoMum · 10/03/2013 21:52

OK Congrats on newborn. Here's my tuppence...

In t'olden days mothers stayed in hospital for TWO WEEKS before they were even allowed home or had to consider cooking/cleaning/looking after toddlers whilst they got over the birth...

The two weeks after the birth are precious. Whatever you say, goes. If you say I NEED SUPPORT/LOVE/CARE/ A BREAK/ SLEEP ETC ETC then absolutely fine.

Harry Hill would agree. He was trained as a doctor. Solicitor in the morning....

Sorry. But your DH needs a spank. Show him this post. I'll have a word with the selfish foolish babyish twat if needs be. Is he highly uneducated or from a different culture. I'll have a word with his mother too if needs be.

TiddlyOmPomPom · 10/03/2013 21:52

I don't think Marcus Brigstocke would be impressed with him either - he may well be up for castigating him in public!

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 10/03/2013 21:53

tempting, sooooo tempting...

ravenAK · 10/03/2013 21:55

Dh used to be mates with MB...let me just see if he still has a number for him...Wink.

Arithmeticulous · 10/03/2013 21:55

So who is going to tweet a link to this thread to Marcus Brigstocke?

ravenAK · 10/03/2013 21:56

nope...they lost touch a few years ago apparently! I'd go down the twitter route...

INeverSaidThat · 10/03/2013 21:56

OP why don't you send a link of this thread to Marcus B?

Go on, you never know ?

ChairmanWow · 10/03/2013 21:56

Come on OP. You know you can't resist! It would be the most amazing revenge story ever...

YouTheCat · 10/03/2013 21:57

In case anyone does, I thought he was jolly good in Spamalot. Grin

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2013 21:59

Marcus sounds exactly like the kind of comedian you want to do a hatchet job on your DH.

Original poster
Mugglewhump · 10/03/2013 22:03

Oh god, don't tempt me. let me sleep on it! Grin I don't have a twitter account but could easily set one up. Please don't anyone else send the link to him.

Do you think the threat could make Mumsnet classics if I did? I could play the weak, forgiving wife all day tomorrow, knowing that I had provided a potential rocket up DH's arse come the evening, mwahaaaa!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mugglewhump · 10/03/2013 22:06

Well I am off to bed and will update tomorrow on my decision Wink

OP posts:
KatOD · 10/03/2013 22:07

Do it do it do it!

youmaycallmeSSP · 10/03/2013 22:08

Who's on tomorrow night?

narmada · 10/03/2013 22:10

Oh do it, please. It would be brilliant.

Sorry you're going through this - he is not treating you fairly no s**t sherlock and I hope he is thoroughly embarrassed. Hope he pulls his socks up soon.

Re the 'helping you' around the house. I had a watershed with my DH when we had a discussion about how he was not 'helping me'. I had to point out I wasn't doyennne of the house, responsible for everything and waiting to have some of my burden taken off me. It was a shared home. It saddens me though that we wimmin are still having to make these sorts of points to our menfolk in the 21st century..

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2013 22:11

"Mwahaaa" indeed.

KristinaM · 10/03/2013 22:22

Please please do it