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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh has just announced he is going out tonight and tomorrow night. I have a week old baby and 2 other children under 5. AIBU to feel mightily pissed off with him

226 replies

Mugglewhump · 10/03/2013 16:34

i have just arrived home from visiting my Mum on mothers day with all 3 children. As I walked through the door and just as DH's parents arrive at the house he announces to me "by the way I forgot I am going out tonight and also tomorrow night" He brought tickets for 2 comedy nights a few months ago (and would have known full well we would have had a newborn baby)

His will be going out just before bath and bedtime so i will have to bath 2 under 5's and get them to bed whilst the newborn screams as it will coincide with the time newborn ds normally cluster feeds.

Aibu to feel pissed off about this? I will have to sit on my own this evening with a baby plugged into my boob who i can't put down feeling pissed off, upset and knackered and to top it all its bloody Mothers day. I am fuming. Dh went out only 1wk ago to see Harry Hill (this was when i was 8 days overdue and could have gone into labour at anytime) but I was fine with this as thought I would be v miserable to moan and make him stay at home with me.

In 1wks time he has to go to Prague for a week with work so he will get rest and sleep whilst yet again I am left literally holding the baby! Am i being a miserable cow as Dh has just told me?

OP posts:
Ashoething · 10/03/2013 19:58

I am very Sad for you op-my dh did something very similiar when I had our 3rd-basically decided to throw a party the day I got out of hosp-c section btw-and then left me to entertain everyone while he buggered off out. Tbh I still massively resent him for it now.

I would be telling him in no uncertain terms that he is NOT going out tomorrow-its not controlling him at all its letting him no that he can no longer behave like a single man. If he went out tomorrow any way then yes to me that would be a deal breaker.

Arithmeticulous · 10/03/2013 20:00

You had a baby a week ago - you were supposed to spend today not doing much.

ChairmanWow · 10/03/2013 20:11

I'd like to nominate him for
Cunt of the Day.

Seconded! Key in the door, make him a Mumsnet Cunt of the Day award and stick it in the window.

Original poster
Mugglewhump · 10/03/2013 20:14

thank you all for being so lovely. I don't feel quite so alone. older children now in bed and ds feeding and will be for next few hours!

I feel exhausted and will try to get some sleep soon. I will update tomorrow and see if DH has any contrition. If he decides to go out again tomorrow I may suggest he go and stay at his Mums for a few nights as he will not be welcome to come home. I will cope and perhaps it will be the wake up call that he needs as I don't think he will get an awful lot of sympathy from his Mum. I will also make sure that our friends all know what a shit he has been.

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 10/03/2013 20:14

Oh you poor thing. It's not just how ridiculously selfish and entitled he's being, it's the lack of respect that would get to me.

Its such a shame you're made to look like a killjoy because of his thoughtless behaviour. No reasonable and caring man in his situation would bugger off and leave you to it. Also it's not hormones to expect some support when you've just had a baby!

ZenNudist · 10/03/2013 20:16

X-post

Good for you, best tackle this now rather than be browbeaten into a simmering state of resentment. He needs kicking into touch!

AThingInYourLife · 10/03/2013 20:20

He is trying to accuse you of being controlling here?!

So basically he thinks the children (as well as the house) are nothing to do with him.

He can come and go as he pleases just like a person with no children because you are on 24/7 childcare duty.

When you share a full time responsibility with another person, you need to check whether they are agreeable to shouldering your share of the burden if you want to be elsewhere.

To presume they will do your share of the work without asking, without discussion, without notice FFS, is controlling.

He has forced you into having the evening he chose for you while he is elsewhere.

This would be a total dealbreaker for me. I could not be with a man who thought so little of me that he would go out two night in a row when we had a week old baby and two older children.

I'd also be wondering if his sudden interest in comedy nights was a sign that he had another new interest if the OW kind.

Satine5 · 10/03/2013 20:20

Mugglewhump, I feel so sorry for you! I would personally rip your DHs balls if I could. What a twat! I can't believe he is leaving you with a week old baby. This is the definition of selfish.
Great plan about kicking him out for a bit. What a selfish bastard!

KatOD · 10/03/2013 20:26

I'd like to third the motion from CockyPants and ChairmanWow. Mugglewhump, we're not being nice, we're just being honest. This is spectacularly and unusually selfish behaviour!!

In the interest of giving your other half the benefit of the doubt, could it be that he's suffering from post natal depression (I'm really scrabbling around for an explanation here as I just don't understand how he could do this...)?

ClippedPhoenix · 10/03/2013 20:29

Yes, OP I agree with telling him to get out and go to his mothers for the foreseeable future.

If I was his mother I'd tell him to go stay in a hotel too.

Weissdorn · 10/03/2013 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KristinaM · 10/03/2013 20:33

Once he realised that the baby would only week old he should have give the tickets for BOTH nights away to a friend. Who is he going to these comedy nights with? If his mates have children I would have thought they would think it was a bit off.or are they all young, free and single ?

Ledkr · 10/03/2013 20:39

Op is this new behaviour? Did he do the same when the others were born? Is he pleased with the new baby?
It really does seem odd behaviour.
Most blokes are still on paternity leave at this stage and practically take over!

Original poster
Mugglewhump · 10/03/2013 20:40

AThing I am pretty sure there is no OW as I saw a text from his friend arranging to meet him at 7 at the venue. He has gone with a friend who is single and another who has 2 kids and i think will be pretty surprised to see him there. Perhaps he will talk some sense into him.

OP posts:
YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 10/03/2013 20:46

I'd be tempted to text him and tell him not to come home tonight, rather than wait another night. Dn't really see why he should get to have his nice fun evening out tonight the selfish thing, at least if you text him not t come home he will have to think about what he has done.

Loislane78 · 10/03/2013 20:48

Tell him you had your own comedy entertainment at home with the nice ladies at MN who came up with 101 different ways to call him a selfish twunt and gave you some good suggestions for revenge :). Beware Mr Muggle, beware, you know not what might be in your next cup of tea....

Congrats on your new arrival btw :)

Original poster
Mugglewhump · 10/03/2013 20:52

He did not do the same when the other 2 children were born. He is pleased with the new baby but has probably not been as involved with him as with the other 2 when they were born as he has been occupied with looking after the older children. I am breastfeeding so he doesn't have to get up in the night at all. He has offered to change nappies during the night but it's so much hassle waking him up I can't be bothered as its easier to quickly do it myself. Ds always does a big poo straight after a feed when I am awake anyway.

OP posts:
Yfronts · 10/03/2013 21:00

He is being very selfish. Let him go home to his mummy

dopeysheep · 10/03/2013 21:04

Ring the venue and get them to put a message out for him, something along the lines of "FAO Mr Muggles, father of week old baby, you have left your wife home alone with three children, one a newborn. Hope you enjoy your night. Don't bother coming home."

Doubt they'd relay it but it would serve him right.

Coconutty · 10/03/2013 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mugglewhump · 10/03/2013 21:17

No contact from DH. He is too cowardly to send a text to see if we are all ok and hoping that we will all be soundly asleep when he comes home and I will have forgiven him and all will be sweetness and light in the morning when he wakes up.

Dopeysheep it had crossed my mind to ring the venue and pass a message on to see if the comedian could incorporate it into his act and humiliate Dh in front of the whole audience.

OP posts:
florilegia · 10/03/2013 21:24

Dopeysheep makes a good point!

YADNBU, as I think is clear: I'm just so sorry he is doing this.

YouTheCat · 10/03/2013 21:24

Which comedian is it?

dopeysheep · 10/03/2013 21:25

Ha! That would be amazing. Oh I hope he sorts himself out what a nob.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2013 21:28

I think that would be comedy gold for someone. I think DopeySheep is on to something there.