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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...when receiving a CRAP mother's day gift (from the husband)...

186 replies

OvenReady · 10/03/2013 10:53

I cried.

We've had a tough couple of years (PND, social services, 2 miscarriages yada yada yada) so I kind of hoped this MD would be special. My DS is 2 so has no say in the card and gift giving.

The gift? "Hairy Dieters Cookbook".

I cried, and slowly pushed away the pancakes from breakfast.
Sad

OP posts:
INeedThatForkOff · 10/03/2013 18:56

I really think the posters who think the OP is U are being disingenuous. Weight loss is a hugely emotive issue, particularly when there are difficult circumstances at play. While he probably didn't intend to cause offence, I'd be mortified to receive a diet-related gift unsolicited, particularly if I hadn't explicitly said that I was actively trying to lose weight.

louschmoo · 10/03/2013 19:04

YY I agree Ineed.

DowntonTrout · 10/03/2013 19:49

But, in my experience of men (ok DH), he latches on to what I may have been talking about and thinks "oh that's a good gift" to something merely related to the topic. That is the way he thinks. He would bend over backwards to get the right thing. Unless I specify ie colour, size price, shop to buy from - he gets it wrong. Maybe all men aren't like that but DH is. It almost does his head in.

Now I have learnt, in over 20 years of marriage, that he cannot read my mind. Even a vague hint is not enough. And at some point in our life, I would get horribly sulky about his choices. Now I know if I want something specific I have to spell it out.

Mothers day is just a day. Whether we commercialise it or not. It's the rest of the time that matters and if we hold such store in whether our partners get it right or not, there is something else wrong in our lives. maybe the OP needs to look at why this gift brought such a reaction as to make her cry and then ask herself what she can do about the underlying problem.

Spero · 10/03/2013 19:50

Agree with sparkly knickers, except I would say that perspective is always helpful.

Also I don't think the onus is on posters to gauge the mental fragility of any particular op - you ask a question of random internet strangers, they will answer.

claudedebussy · 10/03/2013 19:52

i do sympathise.i can see you're having a rough time.

in my house my dh doesn't give ME anything, he gives his mum something.

our kids give me things.

louschmoo · 10/03/2013 20:01

Yes, Spero, you're right. But when someone puts in their OP that they've had post natal depression and multiple miscarriages in the last couple of years it's no great leap to assume they may be more fragile than most, surely?

I agree with the posters who've said that this should have been posted in chat, but you have to be pretty familiar with MN to know that.

JoyceDivision · 10/03/2013 20:04

Ah, if it's any help, my dh bought me perfume. He knows perfect;y well I have never worn it, just as I don't wear make up unless I have to stick on some slap fpr a big do like a wedding, and just I have a quick and easy short hair cut... so was a bit Hmm at the gift that was pointless and obv no thought. Just like that card that had a basic message with less sentiment than a Card Warehouse card (not knocking them, I use them enough)

It's obv dh has put no time or effort in, yet he can squeeze in one or two ganes of golf a week.

Yet dh lost him mum before Christmas, so he's in a foul mood for a good reason, so I just have to seethe inwardly and carry on. Even thouogh I'm looking at a thoughtless waste of money Sad

JoyceDivision · 10/03/2013 20:05

My ideal gift? Somevanilla syrup so I could make some vanilla milk for bed!

TheNebulousBoojum · 10/03/2013 20:06

'I'm having 'self esteem' issues at the moment, some to do with my weight, and just generally feeling pretty invisible. Cooking is a MASSIVE bone of contention in this house because I do all of it and DS often pushes it away after I've been slaving. I have a gazillion gorgeous cookbooks untouched on a shelf because DS is so fussy. The LAST thing I want to think about is cooking/food.

DH knows this.'

It has some great recipes in it. Your DH should cook one a week for you for the rest of the year, after DS is in bed.

I got given a new washing up bowl and brush when DD was 5, in her favourite colour. She wanted to make sure I knew that she'd wash up on Sundays, but
'I had to get her a stool and she wasn't going to wash knives or glasses because that was dangerous'

Spero · 10/03/2013 20:29

I am not advocating deliberate cruelty - I agree a small minority of twats seem to think it is a funny game to g down that route - but not everyone will read everything or read it carefully. And whether you are aim liar with a particuarly forum or not, surely you must realise that taking your unhappiness and despair out on the Internet may not be best idea?

This clearly isn't the Support Thread For Victims of Crap Presents. She particularly asks if she was unreasonable. I think she was, but I can see there is a lot more going on here than just one thoughtless gift.

Spero · 10/03/2013 20:30

Are familiar - not 'aim liar'. This auto correct gets weirder and weirder.

mama04 · 11/03/2013 03:50

My Dh got me a poop scoop Confused from Dc... seriously MEN!!!!

Toadinthehole · 11/03/2013 04:39

Since when did it become obligatory to buy presents on Mothers' Day?

Christmas. Birthdays. Anniversaries. St Valentine's Day. I think it's getting ridiculous.

Toadinthehole · 11/03/2013 04:42

Also (this to Mama) there's nothing wrong with practical presents: why should they always have to be some token that the giver 'understands' you?

Seems like some people have got so much money that they exist on a diet of presents.

Gingerodgers · 11/03/2013 05:50

Too much is made of Mother's Day. You are not your husbands mother,you are not your husbands mother, again? If your kids are too young, then they are too young, wait until they are old enough to make a fuss, and let husbands fuss over their own mums, if they want. Lots of neediness around just now.

differentnameforthis · 11/03/2013 06:01

Wow, what a fucking heartless bunch we have here today!

OP is upset, so instead of trying to cheer her up you all gang up on her telling her to be grateful, telling her to try being a single parent, etc etc.

How about taking the time to find out why this hurt her so much? If there is anything else she is worried about/struggling with!

This is mumsnet at its' worse!

maddening · 11/03/2013 07:11

Spero : Also I don't think the onus is on posters to gauge the mental fragility of any particular op - you ask a question of random internet strangers, they will answer.

The clue was in the op - have been suffering with pnd etc etc

Spero · 11/03/2013 08:57

if you chose to ask random strangers if you are being unreasonable they will answer. I don't think you can expect or demand great sensitivity to the degree of mental ill health you may or may not be suffering unless you spell it out very clearly at the outset. If you are feeling fragile this is not the place for you.

Sorry if I sound harsh but I think that is the reality. I have seen a lot of people get very upset on threads and I do wonder why they put themselves through it.

maddening · 11/03/2013 09:58

But she did state that at the outset - in the op - and usually on mn people do respect that but they haven't on this thread.

DangerousBeanz · 11/03/2013 10:05

My DD was sick 3 times on Saturday night/ Sunday morning. My DP cleaned it all up and cleaned the carpet. Best Mothers Day present ever. BTW it was a very tactless gift, but it is a very very good book.

differentnameforthis · 11/03/2013 10:32

She wanted some sympathy, thought she could get it here...she wanted to sound off, be pissed off somewhere safe.

She didn't get that, it doesn't matter which area of the fiorum she posted on really, AIBU is just an excuse for those among us to feel superior & be arses.

You have to forget where she posted & take the op at face value. Poor woman wanted some laughs & cheering up, instead most of you shouted her down! Sad.

Spero · 11/03/2013 10:35

If you want sympathy, go to real people who love you.

If you want opinions and different perspectives, you go on the internet.

If you are fragile, recognise that strangers behind a keyboard are not the best people to respond to and respect that.

Original poster
OvenReady · 11/03/2013 10:45

A polite request: can you stop now, please. Just stop.

OP posts:
BumBiscuits · 11/03/2013 10:49

Last Xmas DH got me some Clarins anti-ageing cream from my DDs. I returned it and got my Eau Dynamisante that I love. I had a friendly word to the assistant. I hopefully educated her and her young colleague about not selling anti-wrinkle treatments to OH/DH/Sons as gifts unless there was a written request from the recipient.

A Rosemary Conley (for example) diet book would upset me but the Hairy Bikers one doesn't sound as if it was bought as a hint...it would be the least offensive of all the diet books IMO. I do see why you were hurt though.

Spero · 11/03/2013 10:50

Don't click on the thread or ask for it to be deleted. Why expose yourself to something you find so hurtful?

Swipe left for the next trending thread