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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...when receiving a CRAP mother's day gift (from the husband)...

186 replies

OvenReady · 10/03/2013 10:53

I cried.

We've had a tough couple of years (PND, social services, 2 miscarriages yada yada yada) so I kind of hoped this MD would be special. My DS is 2 so has no say in the card and gift giving.

The gift? "Hairy Dieters Cookbook".

I cried, and slowly pushed away the pancakes from breakfast.
Sad

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 10/03/2013 10:55

I would have liked that as a present.

FannyBazaar · 10/03/2013 10:55

YANBU, unless your DS was taken to a shop and picked it out! Even a 2 year old should not have to put up with someone else choosing a crap gift on their behalf.

RedHotRudieParts · 10/03/2013 10:58

Do you like cooking ??

I got a soddin bike lock last year Hmm men ! It's only one day, you have 364 other days in the year to be kind to each other too.

ToTeachOrNotToTeach · 10/03/2013 10:59

My husband didn't do anything for mothers day. I don't think some men think about it tbh (although I'd quite like that book! It would have been lovely if my husband got me that! )

The night before I put out the card my daughter had made at pre school, told him I wanted her to bring me a cup of tea and porridge in the morning with his help with the card. He did and it was fine but I had to organise it. Next weeks my birthday and I'm going to make a cake for them to ice . . .

freddiemisagreatshag · 10/03/2013 10:59

I understand you've had a tough year or two and I know you are probably feeling sensitive but at least you got something.

So far I've had cards and nothing else because my kids are with their dad.

dazzlingdeborahrose · 10/03/2013 11:00

Ah sweetie. Sometimes they are a bit thoughtless aren't they? He's probably seen all the hype and the fact that it's been so popular, sold out all over the place and thought "Aha, she'll love that". I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it. On reflection Hairy Bikers Mum Knows Best cookbook might have been a better bet.

You're not being unreasonable to be upset by it but perhaps you are reading a little too much into it. Put it on the bookshelf and go have a great mothers day with your DS. After all that's what it's about.

If it's any consolation, my hubby is at Twickenham today. We live in Northumberland so he left at 6 and won't be back til after ten. So I"m at home with my two but it's still nice.

ps - I have the hairy dieters book and it's got some great tasty recipes in it Smile

BearFrills · 10/03/2013 11:00

Oh no! Huge fail on the timing and the title Confused

The fact of it is though that some people are just plain shite at choosing good/appropriate/nice gifts, maybe he's one of those?

Mothers' Day really is one day of the year and there seems to be so much emphasis placed on it these days that it's no wonder mothers end up feeling let down by rubbish gifts, etc.

Is he generally okay the rest of the time? Considerate, shares responsibility, supportive etc? Because I'd go off the entire rest of the year rather than the one made-up 'holiday'.

justonemorepie · 10/03/2013 11:01

At least you got a present and pancakes. What did you want as a gift? how did your OH deal with the crying?

ivanapoo · 10/03/2013 11:01

A card with a lovely heartfelt message would do me (I got some small token gifts too) but then my husband is fantastic every day of the year almost and I haven't had the tough time you have had so I'm not sure if YABU or not.

buggerama · 10/03/2013 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HerrenaHarridan · 10/03/2013 11:03

But I diet book!

I be livid!

I know he tried but a diet book!

On the bright side if he actually thought you were overweight surely he wouldn't!

Carrie37 · 10/03/2013 11:03

I got cold tea in bed from Dd aged 8. (we dont allow her to use the kettle). Nothing from Dh as I am "not his mother"!

fluckered · 10/03/2013 11:03

i'm sorry you have had a hard year but so has your DP. you didnt suffer those things alone. so while the present may have been thoughtless in your eyes i think yabu and a little rude. he made an effort. look around you and see what you DO have and appreciate it more.

MummytoMog · 10/03/2013 11:03

Presents? Other people get presents? I got one last year, but I haven't had one before and I didn't get one this morning. I cried the first year, but I'm kind of over it now. Not to say I wouldn't rather have presents of course, but OH just doesn't remember that sort of shit.

Original poster
OvenReady · 10/03/2013 11:05

I'm having 'self esteem' issues at the moment, some to do with my weight, and just generally feeling pretty invisible. Cooking is a MASSIVE bone of contention in this house because I do all of it and DS often pushes it away after I've been slaving. I have a gazillion gorgeous cookbooks untouched on a shelf because DS is so fussy. The LAST thing I want to think about is cooking/food.

DH knows this.

OP posts:
eatyouwithaspoon · 10/03/2013 11:07

I got cards made at school and nothing else, not the DC fault.

INeverSaidThat · 10/03/2013 11:07

It really depends on the intentions of your DH. If he meant well then I think YABU, however, if he intended to upset you then YANBU.

I think the book is normally a very acceptable gift.

Original poster
OvenReady · 10/03/2013 11:08

I'm REALLY sorry I started this thread! I kind of hoped the responses would be funny, along the lines of 'our crap gifts', maybe cheer me up a little.

To those of you who thought it prudent to give me a hard time - many thanks! You are a BIG help.

OP posts:
fluckered · 10/03/2013 11:08

well perhaps with your enormous collection of cook books he thought he was getting you something nice! ffs. you are starting to annoy me now. get on with it.

BearFrills · 10/03/2013 11:09

Have you asked him why he bought it?

His reasoning behind it might be entirely different to yours.

I've been on the receiving end of an "I don't want it" after giving my spouse a gift and, from experience, it's fucking hurtful.

Ask him why he bought it and why he thought you'd like it before writing it off as thoughtless and insensitive.

fluckered · 10/03/2013 11:09

clue is in the title "Am i being unreasonable"?

FannyBazaar · 10/03/2013 11:10

I hate crap gifts so much that I much prefer to receive just a card or even nothing at all. I got a home made card and breakfast this year. Perfect. I can't bear the dilemma either keeping the crap thoughtless gifts in the house or looking extremely rude and ungrateful and giving them away. Hardest if the gift is from someone you live with.

fluckered · 10/03/2013 11:10

oh and you want to hear something funny? "You are not his mother!"

mumblechum1 · 10/03/2013 11:11

I don't see anyone giving you a hard time OP, just pointing out that actually it was nice of your dh to buy something for you and presumably make you a nice breakfast, and that he's been through a hard time as well.

Anyway, just forget the whole mother's day thing, it's a load of tripe, and go and do something nice with your family for the rest of the day.

apostropheuse · 10/03/2013 11:12

DS is two, it's perfectly normal for him to push away food that you've prepared for him. Smile

I really doubt that your DH meant any harm buying the book. He obviously thinks you must enjoy cooking if you've got "a gazillion gorgeouse cookbooks" so perhaps he thought it was a safe bet to get you another.

Just relax and enjoy the rest of the day.

At least he tried.

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