To think my sister is being ridiculous and nasty

[frillyflower]

My sister is a very difficult woman and prone to over dramaticising and exaggerating and I keep a (fragile) peace by being very conciliatory and passive (bit scared of her).

Last night I got in from work (2 hour commute), started cooking dinner, DH got in (had had v stressful day and bad traffic home). Just sat down to eat when phone rang. DH said to our son to answer but say we are just having dinner and will phone whoever back after.

Son came to table said 'was auntie Frilly I told her you would phone her back'. I phoned her back straight away and she said she had never been so upset in her life, it was totally unacceptable to tell anyone you were too busy to speak on the phone. She then said we had raised our son to be a snob and that she now hates him. She then said she was so upset her legs had given way and she had fallen to the floor.

I tried to calm her down but she slammed the phone down on me and now won't talk to me.

DH and DS are just bemused. DS is not a snob by the way and is very polite and has always been lovely to her.

DH says to laugh it off but I am upset now. I hate being on non speakers with anyone. What would you do?

She sounds like my ex boss. The legs giving way is just the sort of thing she would say. Funny how many of them are out there!

I agree with others who say that you can't control how she behaves towards you but you can control how you react to it. Definitely don't get an answerphone as she will bombard you with messages, but get caller ID. Maybe, simply, don't answer the phone at meal times (we don't).

Might be worth paying a management company to deal with your rental or do you have a friend locally you could pay to keep an eye on it for you.

I also think you have been conditioned to put up with her and she's clearly been getting away with this behaviour for ages. She has a husband and children, so let them worry about her. Ignore her when she has a tantrum and only speak to her when she's being adult.

Adversecamber it does sound to me as though she has some kind of MH problem, possibly bipolar. I think you need to 'manage' her if you like, pre-empt issues and discuss them with her instead of reacting later. Keep her informed, maybe with a phonecall once a week to see how she is. I think one of the feelings she may be having is rejection and it is giving her lots of anxiety. A regular call will mean she doesn't feel left out but at the same time you are in control. When you finish the call make sure you tell her when you will next call or contact.

Sounds more like histrionic personality disorder to me.

Thanks for all the responses. Feel a bit better about it today as in less worried about her anger.

I did tell her estranged daughter about it though and said 'crazy! I was even worried she would burn the flat down' and she said 'that's not crazy it's the kind of thing she might do'.

Her husband never seems to try and talk sense into her. He just tells others off for provoking her.

Her husband probably knows that there is no point in trying to talk sense into her. It does sound as though she can't help herself and has some kind of personality disorder. Perhaps you need to ask him how he does manage to deal with her and see if you can learn from him.

Why is her daughter estranged from her?