Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is being ridiculous and nasty

131 replies

frillyflower · 09/03/2013 14:12

My sister is a very difficult woman and prone to over dramaticising and exaggerating and I keep a (fragile) peace by being very conciliatory and passive (bit scared of her).

Last night I got in from work (2 hour commute), started cooking dinner, DH got in (had had v stressful day and bad traffic home). Just sat down to eat when phone rang. DH said to our son to answer but say we are just having dinner and will phone whoever back after.

Son came to table said 'was auntie Frilly I told her you would phone her back'. I phoned her back straight away and she said she had never been so upset in her life, it was totally unacceptable to tell anyone you were too busy to speak on the phone. She then said we had raised our son to be a snob and that she now hates him. She then said she was so upset her legs had given way and she had fallen to the floor.

I tried to calm her down but she slammed the phone down on me and now won't talk to me.

DH and DS are just bemused. DS is not a snob by the way and is very polite and has always been lovely to her.

DH says to laugh it off but I am upset now. I hate being on non speakers with anyone. What would you do?

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 09/03/2013 15:02

Ignore her, and either get an answer machine or do what my Uncle does and not answer the phone when you are eating.

WafflyVersatile · 09/03/2013 15:05

There are a lot of things they have never experienced.

I would suggest avoiding being beholden to her, or having anything in your life under her control, as much as possible.

Other than that as some have said if she behaves like a toddler treat her like one. Don't take the over dramatics as a cue to pander to her. You wouldn't if she was a toddler. You are allowed to tell her what behaviour is not acceptable to you. You can cut conversations short if she's behaving badly. You set your boundaries and be clear and if she chooses to behave like a child that's up to her. You can't stop her being a drama llama but you can change how you deal with it. You can explain your position to the husband, if he thinks it's odd that's fine he doesn't have to think how you order your lives is what he considers normal. It is how you order your lives. That's your decision for them to respect or not. You can say 'well I'm sorry you feel that way' state your position and leave it at that.

Sugarice · 09/03/2013 15:06

Christ on a bike, she is a nightmare!

She is totally and completely out of order regardless of any mental health issue.

Ignore this latest meltdown, in fact ignore her altogether unless you have become conditioned to be treated like this by her.

TomDudgeon · 09/03/2013 15:06

I would ring her loads. Especially at times you suspect she may be about to leave the house/in the shower or bath/ eating/ going to bed

Original poster
frillyflower · 09/03/2013 15:15

Tomdudgeon- the funny thing is that if I ever do contact her at a busy moment she's really dismissive and annoyed!

Interesting that people who have laid down boundaries for their unreasonable family members have indeed been cut off by them. I have always been worried about that - not sure why now this has happened.

She does have children . 2 of them. One has had nothing to do with her for 7 years after some particularly unpleasant dramatics. The other has had fallings out and has been forced to defend his wife. She's not the best mother in law!

I think I was massively stupid to rent the flat there. Yesterday I was fretting she would set fire to it (poor DH).

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 09/03/2013 15:21

In all seriousness why would you worry about her cutting you off if you spent yesterday worrying that it was a possibility that she might burn down your property just because you wanted to finish eating before phoning her back?

I know everyone is willing to put up with a little bit of nonsense to maintain family relationships, but this doesn't sound at all like that.

Floggingmolly · 09/03/2013 15:22

Well in the basis of your op, no, you're not likely to get anyone disagreeing with you there. Was there any part of you that imagined that was in any way normal?

akaemmafrost · 09/03/2013 15:25

Grin I would have come back to the table, told my family what she said and we would all have pissed ourselves laughing.

WafflyVersatile · 09/03/2013 15:25

Why are you worried that she might cut you off? Apart from renting the flat near her. How long is this rental for? There must be other lovely places in the world that you can rent apartments.

Smellslikecatspee · 09/03/2013 15:30

She is just all kinds of WTF!!!

And I'm thought my sis was bad.

AnonymousBird · 09/03/2013 15:31

Ridiculous. Worry no more about it, she is off the scale of drama queens.

Smellslikecatspee · 09/03/2013 15:34

Posted too soon, according to her at the moment I'm the worst of the worst because my niece got her last birthday card a day late. . .

There was a fecking mail strike!

I'd have been as bad if it had been a day early, then it's 'ruining the surprise', DN is 13 I think she knows when her birthday is?

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 09/03/2013 15:35

When you've had the flat painted, sell it. Don't tell her you're selling it until the sale has completed. Then rent/buy somewhere far, far away from her.

Don't phone to apologise. You have nothing to apologise for. She, on the other hand, needs to apologise to you for slating your son and your parenting. Just leave it until she rings you with this apology. No apology, no conversation. You can hang up too, you know. She only treats you this way because you allow it, so stop putting up with her shit.

frumpet · 09/03/2013 15:36

Send her round to mine for the weekend , we will embark on a recognised MH treatment of flooding . I will say unacceptable things to her for the entire weekend , i will of course put cushions on the floor for when her legs give way Grin

DamnDeDoubtance · 09/03/2013 15:40

My sil is like this, truly dreadful. She used to make our lives miserable.

We no longer speak and our lives are so much better.

Mandy2003 · 09/03/2013 15:41

YY frumpet!! I call it "the Unrest Cure", I think that's from a story by Saki.

Don't forget OP, the more you tiptoe around the more you feed the diva.

squeaver · 09/03/2013 15:49

I'm totally in the "laughing my head off" camp. If you're going to have an on-going relationship with her, you'll have to learn to see her for the ridiculous figure that she is. Not easy I know, but her behaviour is laughable.

Foggles · 09/03/2013 15:58

Oh dear. That's bad.

(I would have given a much better response to you OP, but my legs gave way and I fell to the floor.) Grin

Original poster
frillyflower · 09/03/2013 16:00

Yes it's laughable but it can also be v. Horrible.

Before mum died she told me that she wanted us all ( me, brother,sister) to remain friends for life. Sister and brother fell out at funeral 12 years ago and have only spoken once since.

I think a lot of her problem is that she has been kowtowed to by us and her husband has protected her and she has a totally unrealistic idea of how people really are.

The last time we ate dinner with her my DH said he thought she was struggling cutting the cheese and would she like him to do it and she screamed 'no one tells me how to cut cheese in my own house. That is unspeakably rude' DH just looked a bit Confused and her husband stared at the floor. She then ran out of the dining room and shut herself in the bedroom and didn't come out again.

My problem is I can't bear bad feeling and I feel upset and worried until all ok again.

OP posts:
Shattereddreams · 09/03/2013 16:01

That's my sister you're talking about. Except I'm not you.

Seriously, let it go. Leave her to her own world and get on with yours. You might find life less stressful.

DH has freakish brothers so we rarely see any siblings. Fine by me! Friends are waaay better than family!

Original poster
frillyflower · 09/03/2013 16:02

Frumpet I like the flooding idea but no way would she bear that quietly! She sees a psychiatrist but she thinks he fancies her ( sure he doesn't!)

OP posts:
Shattereddreams · 09/03/2013 16:03

Google narcisstic behaviour traits! She'll have them in spades.

PirateHat · 09/03/2013 16:17

My problem is I can't bear bad feeling and I feel upset and worried until all ok again.

But it's not ok is it? She clearly has huge problems behaving appropriately. As well as leaving her alone, you need to work on tolerating "bad feeling" and not blaming yourself for when she flies off the handle.

I know it is not easy, in my family, I'm you and my mum is your sister. It is not your job to keep everyone happy no matter what.

Original poster
frillyflower · 09/03/2013 16:17

She has just phoned to say that she didn't mean to call DS a snob and she had told her son about it all and he said 'maybe auntie and uncle Frilly were having a massive row and that's why they couldn't speak to you'

Not sure why that's more likely than we were just eating dinner tbh. Oddly enough we hardly ever row and we don't really go in for fallings out with anyone.

I just said sorry you felt you had to be unkind about DS and he is rather upset (he isn't of course) and she cut short the conversation and put the phone down.

I know she's weird. I suppose I was asking how much people put up with if it's a family member. She has been in a psychiatric hospital twice.

OP posts:
buildingmycorestrength · 09/03/2013 16:19

I am also laughing, but recognise this is awful for you.

You should probably get onto the Relationships board. Lots of people with experience of family members behaving LUDICROUSLY and expecting to get away with it, and helpful with strategies to deal with it and save your sanity.

You really couldn't put that sort of thing in a movie, it would be too unrealistic. Smile

Swipe left for the next trending thread