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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my sister is being ridiculous and nasty

131 replies

frillyflower · 09/03/2013 14:12

My sister is a very difficult woman and prone to over dramaticising and exaggerating and I keep a (fragile) peace by being very conciliatory and passive (bit scared of her).

Last night I got in from work (2 hour commute), started cooking dinner, DH got in (had had v stressful day and bad traffic home). Just sat down to eat when phone rang. DH said to our son to answer but say we are just having dinner and will phone whoever back after.

Son came to table said 'was auntie Frilly I told her you would phone her back'. I phoned her back straight away and she said she had never been so upset in her life, it was totally unacceptable to tell anyone you were too busy to speak on the phone. She then said we had raised our son to be a snob and that she now hates him. She then said she was so upset her legs had given way and she had fallen to the floor.

I tried to calm her down but she slammed the phone down on me and now won't talk to me.

DH and DS are just bemused. DS is not a snob by the way and is very polite and has always been lovely to her.

DH says to laugh it off but I am upset now. I hate being on non speakers with anyone. What would you do?

OP posts:

ffswhatnow · 09/03/2013 14:28

Just because she has MH problems, that is not an excuse for her acting the way that she did (or does, for that matter). And that's coming from someone who is chronically depressed (and, ironically, I have posted about a very similar sitation with my aunt in the last few days)

Nagoo · 09/03/2013 14:29

Get an answer phone.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound · 09/03/2013 14:29

Christ on a bike what would happen to her if she had to deal with actual incidents of misfortune.

HerLordship · 09/03/2013 14:29

LOL, tabulah, I was going to say the same thing!

OP, she sounds a total nightmare. My mum is a bit like that; gets the hump at total non events and then cries, screams and shouts and says it is all 'making her ill'

I'd not make any further contact with your sister until she contacts you. She sounds totally weird. how old is she? Was she always the pampered, spoilt one when you were children?

ElkiesBrook · 09/03/2013 14:29

if she's been so poorly before, it's understandable that she's frightened by her own feelings and thoughts, but that's not for you to shoulder

instead of tiptoeing around her, what happens if you tell her when she's overstepping the mark?

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 09/03/2013 14:30

Yep, get voicemail. Ignore her. Be grateful she's not talking to you.

catlady1 · 09/03/2013 14:30

Haha, what a twat!

That's all I've got to say.

HollyBerryBush · 09/03/2013 14:31

She then said she was so upset her legs had given way and she had fallen to the floor.

I'd have called an ambulance for the hell of it and sent it to her address.

I do realise that would be totally purile and a waste of emergency services

Original poster

frillyflower · 09/03/2013 14:33

According to her husband who has just rung she wanted to say she has taken more paint down to the decorators who are painting our holiday flat (we rent a place not far from her- she lives in another country).

We didn't ask her to do this and in fact don't want her involved in it. The decorators had her number for emergencies only. But of course we are grateful to her.

Her husband says this makes it so much worse because she was doing something for us. He says he has never experienced anyone saying we are eating phone you later!!

Feel torn between laughing at the ridiculousness, angry that she was nasty about DS and guilty that she was doing me a favour.

OP posts:

nickelbabe · 09/03/2013 14:34

is she having counselling?
if her MH problems are as real as you say they are, she really needs to seek RL help.

On your point about the phone, the ring is an invitation to answer, you don't have to answer, but even if you do, you and the caller have to establish whether it's convenient to talk.
Your DS did exactly the right thing- because he answered the phone, he had to make it clear to the caller that he knew she wanted to speak (to you), but that it wasn't convenient and that you would ring back.
that's perfect phone etiquette, so yanbu.

AuroraAlfresco · 09/03/2013 14:35

Good grief, it's totally, 100% normal to call someone back after you've finished eating. Why would they want you to go back to cold food after bending your ear for 20 mins?!

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound · 09/03/2013 14:36

Her husband sounds just as bad. Never heard of ringing someone back because you're busy/eating/bathing/shagging,he must have lived a sheltered life.

tabulahrasa · 09/03/2013 14:37

How can they have never experienced it before? Is the other country a country without phones?

Don't feel guilty - you've got nothing to feel guilty about!

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 09/03/2013 14:37

She said she now hates your son? If nothing else that would be enough for me to not want anything more to do with her. Life is way too short to deal with that kind of crap from anyone

DuchessFanny · 09/03/2013 14:38

Is she my mum ?! Sounds like her, she also has MH issues and has done this sort of thing many a time ( as well as suicide attempts )
Me and my brother just ignore now, I know the rest of our large family get a dose of madness off of her, but I have my own family unit to worry about and just don't engage ....

I am very surprised at her husbands remark about it - does he usually back her up with this sort of behaviour ?

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 09/03/2013 14:39

And here's me thinking "this is a bad time can we call you back in a bit" was a perfectly acceptable response. I personally wouldn't have thought anything of it ! Ur sister is missing a screw

raisah · 09/03/2013 14:40

sounds like my dh's SIL. Bloody drama queen, you are better off with little or no contact. She's done you a favour.

Why do women behave like this?

Original poster

frillyflower · 09/03/2013 14:40

She is my older sister by 12 years! She likes to tell anyone she can how our parents gave everything to me and had no time for her ( totally untrue). She once said at a family gathering that as children she and my brother had not even had any Xmas presents one year and my aunt told her off for telling fibs.

OP posts:

mummymeister · 09/03/2013 14:41

The reason your sister behaves like this is because you all allow her to. she may have Mh problems but there is absolutely nothing unreasonable in what you have done. Stop tip toeing round her if you fall out with her permenantly then so be it. we dont have to like our family and we dont have to be friends with them either not when they behave like this. Perhaps if you make a stand others in your family will too.

Original poster

frillyflower · 09/03/2013 14:48

Her husband is very nice. He just always backs her up.

She fell out with her friend a while ago because she gave the friend a lift home and the friend didn't invite her in. She said she had never experienced that.

If I was ever to tell her I didn't like her behaviour she would go totally crazy with anger. I once told her that I was unable to go over and see her as arranged because something had come up and she took a jacket she was making for me over to our mothers, ranted about how selfish I am and cut it up with scissors. Mum was a bit despairing but she never knew how to handle her either.

Thanks for advice. Feel weirdly comforted that others have similar relatives !

OP posts:

exexpat · 09/03/2013 14:52

I hope she doesn't have children?

claudedebussy · 09/03/2013 14:54

erm i'd take a leaf out of your dh's books and stop pandering to her.

don't call her back. expect an apology about what she said about your ds - totally unacceptable.

when someone does something nice for you that you didn't ask for and don't want, you are NOT beholden to them. sounds like she's massively manipulative. a thank you re. the paint is all that is required.

i think you don't have to deal with her fall-out. you can just ignore her. easier said than done, and will be massively uncomfortable at first but you'll get used to it.

and eventually she'll start behaving (hopeful) or ignore you. result either way.

feebeecat · 09/03/2013 14:57

I have an older sister exactly the same right down to the deprived childhood, she was so hard done by and I am the spoilt brat. Apparently. We also had to do everything her way with the whole family scared to do anything that may potentially upset her. I finally took issue with her and she now hasn't spoken to me for the best part of 3 years

I have to say I was initially bemused, tried to talk to her, but she doesn't want to know, prefers the drama. Having subsequently thought about it I came to the conclusion that if we hadn't been related, this is the sort of person we would've avoided and I really don't want my dc subjected to her.

Ignore, ignore, ignore - she was doing you a favour you didn't ask for so don't feel bad about that. She will either calm down or continue to swoon - either way you will have a less stressful time.

Also would also consider renting somewhere else!!
Good luck

QuickLookBusy · 09/03/2013 14:58

Gosh she really does have issues.

I think you all need to start telling her that her behaviour is unacceptable and won't be tolerated anymore.

WestieMamma · 09/03/2013 14:59

OP I think I love you. You are the only person who has ever made me think that maybe my sister isn't that bad after all.

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