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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Advice please

210 replies

ActiveC · 09/03/2013 10:30

my suitor left his partner of 14 years recently. He claims they were not legally married.

I told him i think it too soon for him to be entering into a courtship. He believes otherwise.

I have told that if he is as serious about me as he claims he his, i expect to be introduced to his ExP and children.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 09/03/2013 11:41

Be careful OP, you may end up loosing your head over this...

gilly86 · 09/03/2013 11:44

Sorry for being mean but seriously, your posts are quite funny!

Anyway I have given serious advice - it's too early to be even thinking about his kids or ex. Just get on with starting a relationship and having fun!

Your thread in "relationships" says you have been with him only 5 weeks and already discovered he is lying to you by telling you he has 2 children when he actually has 4 which you found out by reading some emails he accidentally left on your phone.

My opinion is, he's not worth it. He's lied and only gives you hugs and the occasional kiss on the head? He's playing with you and probably doesn't know what he wants anyway.

IneedAgoldenNickname · 09/03/2013 11:45

OP, in all seriousness. I'm not mocking religion, I genuinely go to church weekly, so wouldn't.

My DC met their fathers new gf 6 weeks after we split. They were hurt and confused. A couple of months later, he moved in with her. They got engaged. The boys had learnt to cope with it by then. Then they split up. The boys were once again confused.

We decided to give things another go, but it didn't work out.

their father once again met someone else, the boys met her a week in. He moved in with Hera week later. Within a month they were engaged and pregnant not long after . My DC say things like 'if we stillknow her when...'

So should you meet them yet? definately not

gilly86 · 09/03/2013 11:47

Ps id like to add I'm not mocking religion! I recently got married in church and my husband and I thoroughly enjoy going to church although we don't go every week.
He was brought up a very devout catholic and I am Church of England.

But it doesn't change the fact that this thread is hilarious!

IneedAgoldenNickname · 09/03/2013 11:49

yellow I'm gutted that you think my church hugging, head kissing man is playing me :(

I hope the deposit on the wedding dress is refundable Grin

DeskPlanner · 09/03/2013 11:50

I can't be bothered reading all this. But it sounds like a crap joke.

TheFallenNinja · 09/03/2013 11:51

Please tell me who invented the time machine you used to go back and use words like suitor and courtship.

Bag of chips and a cuddle was what we had in my day :-)

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 09/03/2013 11:52

In all seriousness...

I can't believe you're talking about taking vowels...

Sorry, I give up...

YellowStickers · 09/03/2013 11:53

OP I apologise for mocking you but I most definitely was not mocking religion. I am deeply into my religion, so wouldn't either, just like Ineed.

If you want a serious answer, then this is it. He has lied and will continue to lie. You do not need to meet either his exP or his DC. I agree with others that you only need to meet DC once it gets serious. As for wanting to meet his ex, there is no reason. You say that mother's should meet their exP's new woman to know what she is like. What difference will it make? She could be the kindest, loveliest woman or the meanest, nastiest woman. Either way, you cannot do a thing about it. You have only been with him for 5 weeks so either chill out or get rid.

You should never have posted in here but I guess you have realised that by now.

Let us know whether you do let him take you up the aisle though, won't you dear Wink

gilly86 · 09/03/2013 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

YellowStickers · 09/03/2013 11:54

Desk oh do read it, you are in for a treat Grin

gilly86 · 09/03/2013 11:55

I got married last year but DH still hasn't taken me up the aisle.

LolGrin

YellowStickers · 09/03/2013 11:55

gilly and Ineed - I reckon we three go to the same church. This thread would be something to talk about tomorrow after the service with coffee and biscuits!

Tubegirl · 09/03/2013 11:56

Ok apology time, have seen you have posted elsewhere seriously. Ok, yes I would want to meet the woman my dd was going to be spending time with, but ONLY if she was sticking around. My poor dd had a dreadful 12 months after I separated from my xH as he went through 4 girlfriends and had contact sporadically and on each ocasion she met a different woman. I was furious each time but never specifically told until after the event. I think the thing is to concentrate and you and him first. When the time is right no doubt you will meet the children. But he has to be the judge of that, not you, because he knows them and can judge what is best for them.

DeskPlanner · 09/03/2013 11:56

Turns out I could be bothered to read it all. Grin Please please tell us what a church hug is. I need to know.
Disclaimer I'm in no way mocking anyone's religion. I'm a church goer myself.

gilly86 · 09/03/2013 11:57

Haha I never stay for hot drink and biscuits! Especially not this weekend... TTC and this weekend is THE TIME! WinkSmileGrin

DeskPlanner · 09/03/2013 11:58

gilly and yellow I read it, I read it. Bloody brilliant ! Grin

gilly86 · 09/03/2013 11:58

I'm a bit pissed off.

I never get church hugs!

YellowStickers · 09/03/2013 11:59

Good luck gilly
However, I shall be thinking suspiciously of any regular that is not in Church tomorrow!

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 09/03/2013 12:00

Let us know whether you do let him take you up the aisle though, won't you dear

Yellow I nearly spat my pepsi all over my keyboard reading that Grin

Montybojangles · 09/03/2013 12:00

Your going to the wrong church gilly clearly!

YellowStickers · 09/03/2013 12:00

Desk so pleased. Hasn't this thread made you laugh on this miserable morning?

KatieMiddleton · 09/03/2013 12:01

What did they teach you at finishing school op? Draw on that.

YellowStickers · 09/03/2013 12:02

I get church hugs at least once a week, sometimes twice a week if I am really lucky. And as for being taken up the aisle, well that is for a whole new thread!

Fairenuff · 09/03/2013 12:05

OP I think you should get one of your threads deleted (or maybe both) and start again with the full story. In reply to this thread it doesn't sound like you actually like him anyway, so I would advise just staying friends.

What makes a good suitor? Are you thinking of financial support, companionship or what? Because there doesn't seem to be any genuine emotion from you about this man. You don't seem angry that he lied to you but you are suspicious of him.

Have you had some difficult experiences in the past?