to think people should be able to cope with their own children alone?

[alisunshine29]

I have two daughters aged 5.5 years and 9 months and can and do do everything with/for them. I have friends with similar aged children who wouldn't dream of giving the kids a bath/taking them swimming /shopping/out for the day without their husband or mum there to 'help They also expect husband/mum to take kids if they're ill themselves/take time out to help with kids if they're ill. AIBU to think it's a bit daft if a parent can't cope with their kids and basic day to day things alone?

What do you want? A medal?

You have a lovely age gap! I have 3 DC and DH works all the hours, blah blah blah so I do everything myself but that doesn't mean if I didn't have a decent mum, mil etc i wouldn't call on them to "share the joy"

Why shouldn't the father or grandmother be involved? I could usually cope perfectly well- but then so could dh. We liked doing things together. Where's the problem?

Well I kind of agree, although every child is different, and you have a large age gap which makes it easier ( speaking as a parent of twins)
As you mention parents, not just mothers, does your DH cope alone with them just as well as you do?

Im a lone parent, i have to do it all alone, can i have a medal?

Well done you.

Of course, the fact you have a large age gap between your kids means you are perfectly placed to comment of the lives of people who have a) multiple births b) young children close in age and c) those who want to involve their families.

But actually what I think you want is to start a bunfight.

Tbf Op refers to friends with similar age children

Depends on the parent, dpends on the child.

Enough threads on here to know (rightly so) that mental illnesss isnt a bar to being a decent parent - but it makes it tough - and again, enough threads to know the problems faced by traditional two parent families who have a child with a disability.

So, Op, I deduce you are having a bit of smuggery.

Wow. Smug? Much?

Some people call it "help" when the truth is they just like having the adults they love around.

If I was a single parent, I would have to do all of those things by myself. But I'm not, so why would I take my young DCs swimming/look after them solo when I'm poorly etc? It doesn't mean I can't do them - I just choose not to if I don't have to.

I wonder if your husband would say the same thing though.

YABU. It takes a village and all that.

I'm perfectly capable of doing everything with my kids on my own, although not having a car makes some places hard to get to, and therefore some things harder to do,

But, when I was I'll in bed for a week with flu, and could hardly move, why the flip wouldn't I ring my Mum and all her to help out as I know she's perfectly happy to?

I love mumsnet.

Or partner/ex/delete as appropriate.

Fair enough cee, I didn't read the OP properly.

On second reading I have to agree with Pendipity

And I still think this is all about the bunfight.

Had 4 in 4.5 years, including twins and one with ASD. Somehow managed to look after them all on my own for twelve hours, feed them, bath them and do bedtime, while DH was at work. Can I have a medal too please? Or at least a sticker?

As far as I can tell as a single parent it is much easier to look after the kids alone than have someone 'helping'.

I meant twelve hours every weekday, not twelve hours on one single occasion!

I think op has a point. I believe the confidence of lots of parents has been eroded by parenting books, nanny state, parenting tv programmes, to the point that some parents think they need help or a 2nd opinion for lots of tasks that they probably could do alone.

I have a smaller age gap and tbf haven't taken them swimming on my own.

Dont have anyone other than dh to 'help' though. However I don't know anyone who expects as much help as you say - I'm presuming you mean sahm because otherwise why would the dad not help when kids are ill ?

Personal opinion, before I get flamed! Sure some peoples' husbands/mothers/sistters etc are actually helpful. I prefer to do it on my own tbh.

Not being smug, just get fed up of being pitied because I don't have help available. If I did have my mum around I'd want her to enjoy the kids with me, not be expected to co-parent them.

Interesting that what I would perceive as both parents sharing the work and responsibility of their DC, you perceive as the mother being unable to cope. Or is this your DP's perception that he is imposing on you, alisunshine29?