to think people should be able to cope with their own children alone?

[alisunshine29]

I have two daughters aged 5.5 years and 9 months and can and do do everything with/for them. I have friends with similar aged children who wouldn't dream of giving the kids a bath/taking them swimming /shopping/out for the day without their husband or mum there to 'help They also expect husband/mum to take kids if they're ill themselves/take time out to help with kids if they're ill. AIBU to think it's a bit daft if a parent can't cope with their kids and basic day to day things alone?

I agree with you OP.
I know mums who have to have help with everything. One doesn't work or drive, their mums live round the corner and pop in pretty much every day. They wait for their DH's to do the 'manly stuff' and can't take the DCs out on their own.
TBH, I feel sorry for them. The lack of independence would suffocate me but each to their own!

Oh also when I am ill I expect dh to take over totally - the same as I do when I am ill. The rule in our house is "ill? go to bed for the day and be pampered". Cant understand people who carry on to the point of serious illness.

when HE is ill.

Does he take time off work to do that? I really struggle when ill and seen to catch everything going at the moment. Feel rough now but still got pre school run to do and a baby to entertain.

we are both self employed (in the same company) so we can take days off here and thereno problem. When he worked and I was a sahm if I was ill (not often once a year or so luckily!) he took annual leave.

OP isn't talking about the times when people are ill or parents with DC who have SN. It's people who can't do things on their own, always need someone with them.

YABU OP, and tbh it sounds like you may actually resent others for having more help than you.

Most people probably can 'cope', they just know they, and their children, might have a nicer time with more support at certain times.

Some people can't cope, due to depression, disability, or simply having a smaller age gap than you.

Either way YABU, but sorry you don't have the support you'd like, as I am guessing that's what this thread is really about or just an attempt to start a bunfight

I have 46 children all 9 months apart. I do not need help, even when I am so ill I cannot get out of bed I would dream of asking DM or god forbid DH to help me. The very idea.

Seriously though, get a grip OP. Why on earth would you want to be sick, needing to rest and recover but not want your DH or family to help?
There's no prize for being the biggest martyr you know.

Most parents tend to find it much more sensible to accept help if and when it's needed. Not because they cannot cope without it. But because why on earth would you deliberatley make yourself suffer

Just so you can post on mumsnet about how you do it all on your own?

That doesn't make you a better parent you know.

Oh and I didn't take mine swimming on my own because there's a 1-1 ratio for non swimmers under 8. And dd and ds1 are only a year about. So there

All families are different. OP I'll bet you have Miss 5.5 fetching and carrying for you . Plus wouldn't she be at school during the day?

Now, my DD amazes me. She has 5 DC. Youngest 2 last week and the eldest 10 in January.

The only thing she doesn't do by herself is take them swimming. This is purely a safety issue.

Yanbu op, I understand exactly what you mean.

My neighbour asked me to come round and help her get her two dc to bed when they were a baby and a toddler when her dh was away with work.

I was totally because my dc were more or less the same age and I had had to put them to bed alone countless times since the second one was born as my husband was often away or working late.

She also had her mother living nearby and had a lot of help from her too.

She was just very needy and I thought it was a bit lame, really.

I'm with the OP on this one. Having children was out choice, so we should be able to look after them without help from family. If I'm ill and DH is away, I'm not going to call my mum to come running to help - she has her own life to live and I think it would be really selfish of me to expect her to drop everything. though i did let my sister help me last weekend when I was so hungover I couldn't move

I realise I am "lucky" enough to only have one child at the moment, and I wouldn't comment on how hard it must be to have two or three children so close together. However, I don't have much time for people who complain about how hard it is if they are fit and well and have two or more healthy and non-SN children who are close in age, particularly if they're patronising about it ("oh, you don't understand"). If you didn't want a small age gap, you should have used contraception.

I don't want a medal but equally I don't want to listen to whinge about the path that they have chosen in life.

our choice

Wow. Nice, Mintyy, real nice. You've just restored my faith in humanity.

Your neighbour must have really needed your help to be brave enough to come and ask you. Did you just turn her away?

Rather than dismissing her as 'lame', did you consider she might have problems you don't know about? Pnd perhaps?

YANBU about the basic day to day activities we all muddle through, and I do have friends who exemplify what you say. I think if someone is ill that's a different story. DH is now trained to take DS away camping just the two of them for boys bonding cos I hate camping.

MrsLouis the OP is including people being ill, she says:

"They also expect husband/mum to take kids if they're ill themselves/take time out to help with kids if they're ill."

This is the part I really object to. I mean, okay, fair enough, I think generally people should be able to bathe their kids on their own, although even then I wouldn't judge because some kids are absolute frights at bathtime.

But why on earth would you not expect your partner to help with the DC if you're ill? I think that's the very definition of partnership really.

WillSanta- why shouldn't people complain when they find things hard?

If you work, I'm sure you chose your job, but that dosen't mean you're not allowed to have a moan when it's tough going!

I have one child, a 15mo, and a very helpful and supportive husband, and I swear in all seriousness I do not have a CLUE how single parents cope. It's HARD! Let alone with more than one child. Sorry to fuel the smugness, but there we go.

Given your repeated threads OP about how your DP has effectively abandoned his children from his first marriage, lets hope his ex wife has your amazing strength. She clearly needs it.

There's moaning from time to time, but then there's the whinging that is like a constant background noise. Yes, there are time when work or being a parent (or both) are really really hard, and everyone understands that, but when someone is unable to do anything normal without complaining that I think the OP is getting at.

Well OP, you may have a point (up to a point). I have one 2.4 yo and a newborn. No extended family around so we never have outside help unless it's paid childcare. I can manage if dh isn't around to help (just lower my expectations a little) but I'd rather not. It's better for me and dcwhen there's a little help. I think the age gap makes a huge difference too. Being at school, fully toilet trained, reasonable (ish) must help a great deal.

However, I can't imagine how I would safely take 2 complete non swimmers swimming. Genuinely interested to know how you manage that.
(dh currently taken ds swimming while I'm b/f dd and doing laundry recovering from c.s and mumsnetting

I sort of know what the OP means- I have a friend who doesn't bath her 3 kids unless her DH is there- and she often comments that having a DH working away must be a nightmare 'cos you'd have to do tea bath & bed all alone'. I have 3DCs, my DH works long hours and usually gets back after kids in bed. So I usually do it alone and think she's a bit fussy. BUT if I'm ill I will phone DH and see if he can come home- trying to prepare food for 3 kids when you have constant D&V is hard.
But if he can't come, I would phone a friend - I'm not a martyr.
If I need help, I'll ask.
(& if DH is home early then he co-parents)

Ffs, do you know my neighbour MadeInMarch? I very much doubt it because that would be an enormous coincidence. No, she definitely did not have pnd, yes, she definitely was someone who felt she could ask for "help" and "favours" all the time. "Brave enough to ask me" roffle.