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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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I'm probably being entitled/unreasonable, but should the teacher wait on my child?

999 replies

WhenIsBedtime · 06/03/2013 09:59

My child has high functioning autism. Attends a mainstream school. Her issues are very mild. No need for an assistant or anything.

The way it works in the school yard each morning is this:

Bell goes at 9am.
All children run to their class marks and line up.
Class teachers come out, and guide them into the building, starting with the youngest to the oldest class.

My child is in the youngest class.

Perhaps once or twice a week, we're a few minutes late. The bell has already gone and her class has lined up by the time we reach the yard. However, we're never so late that her class has already gone inside by the time we arrive. We can always see them.

The entrance gate is at the other end of the huge yard from where the children line up.

On our late days, as we arrive at the gate, the teacher has already came out. He can see my dd running towards the line, but he decides to take the class inside anyway, without waiting on her.

By the time my (very slow) daughter reaches the place her class lines up, they are already inside the building, and the other classes are going inside.

My daughter then gets really upset as she doesn't understand it's okay to go through the door without her own teacher or class. She doesn't understand she should just run ahead of the next class going in, or even join their line instead. Parents aren't normally allowed in the yard. But when this happens, i run in to her and try and convince her to go into the building. But she says "No, I'm waiting on Mr Teacher and my class."

The teacher from an older class then takes her inside for me instead.

I realise such upset/confusion for my child wouldn't happen if i was there with her before 9am every day, but lateness does happen. And other children usually run into the yard up to five minutes late, behind us, but they quite happily join on the back of another class's line. Whereas my daughter won't without a heck of a lot of protest and causing a scene.

Personally (and here's where i'm probably being unreasonable), I think dd's teacher should wait on her if he sees dd running towards him and her class in the yard. It takes no more than a minute for her to run across the yard from the gate.

Obviously, if we weren't at the gate by the time he came out to greet the class, or if we were very late, i wouldn't expect him to wait. But when he can see dd at the other end of the yard, why can't he just wait? Thus avoiding her getting upset and confused?

I've spoken to him about it before, and he says that because his class is the youngest, and goes inside first, if he was to wait, it would delay all the other classes, and it would mean he'd have to occupy his own class for an additional minute.

Just wanted to add, that the children never have to wait outside in adverse weather conditions. They're able to go straight into the building on these days, rather than line up outside and wait on a teacher.

I just don't get why he can't wait an extra minute on dd, yet it's okay for him to be several minutes late on occassion, leaving his class waiting outside, holding up the other classes.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm probably just being precious/unreasonable, but i'd appreciate some opinions.

OP posts:
BumpingFuglies · 07/03/2013 20:16

Calling cunt doesn't solve anything, no matter what is said! Just as some posters have behaved badly, the personal attacks on them do not negate their comments. The anger is understandable, yes. But it doesn't address the issue at all.

MN = swearing = fine
Intelligent women being abusive to each other = not fine

My opinion, flame away.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 07/03/2013 20:22

I don;t wish to cause trouble myself but I believe I have called people both knobs and morons on this thread and for once in my like have not been deleted .... on MN as in life there is a time for outright abuse and this thread has occasioned plenty of them.

waltermittymissus · 07/03/2013 20:29

But bumping what happens when they are cunts and going unchallenged?

Which all goes to show, when you've met 1 person with autism, you've met 1 person with autism

I love this.

MyDarlingClementine · 07/03/2013 20:30

Just skim reading here but alot of the issues are one of the major problems people with any kind of SN family members face and that is - under the umbrella of their disbailty they can all do different things.

Something happened to my DB and even a supposed support worker who came to give him medication and food everyday did not understand* that he could not go and buy himself anything, from a shop.

However he could go into a pub and order a pint.

Even she did not understand this, no one else could. They couldnt understand that he could dress himself but couldnt tie shoelaces. Or make a cheese sandwhich but no other sort of sandwhich.

I wish the general public or at least people who have dealings with pepole with SN at least understood that they are all different and can and cant do various things. It would make life soooooo much easier.

ClayDavis · 07/03/2013 20:46

The deletions were odd. One poster took exception to a post I had made (not a personal attack) and finished it off saying something along the lines of 'I bet your going to call me a cunt now'. So I did, a little bit tongue in cheek, knowing that it would probably get deleted at some point. Except HQ deleted her post, leaving mine and leaving me looking like I've completely lost my marbles and launched a personal attack out of nowhere.

They did latter delete my post and some of the others but seem to have left some of the subsequent posts with personal attacks untouched.

YouTheCat · 07/03/2013 20:50

The trick is to say 'some people are utter twats'. That way it isn't personal or specific but they know who they are Wink

IneedAsockamnesty · 07/03/2013 20:52

Thing is some people may think they are compleatly uncunty but sadly often its because they are not really understanding their limitations.

They are always very surprised when they find out they are wrong.

LemonPeculiarJones · 07/03/2013 20:53

Just wanted to add my voice to those who have been supportive, OP.

You've been remarkably articulate and dignified in the face of an unbelievable amount of self-righteous ignorance.

Just wanted to say well done. You sound like a fantastic mum.

Thanks
limitedperiodonly · 07/03/2013 20:53

Cunt? Cunt? You amateurs. I was deleted for a personal attack that used the highly offensive term poo head.

YouTheCat · 07/03/2013 20:56

Oh bloody hell! Deleted for calling someone a poo head?

sneezecakesmum · 07/03/2013 21:01

V unreasonable. Not only that but as your DD is on the autistic spectrum you must know that life must be very ordered for her to feel secure and being late and starting her day with uncertainty and confustion is not good for her.

Sorry but you will have to get up earlier or be a bit more organised being late on a weekly basis is unacceptable from all sides.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 07/03/2013 21:03

Oh well done!

First class post!

ClayDavis · 07/03/2013 21:03

Absolutely right sneezecakesmum. I've no idea why the OP hasn't thought of this before.

IHeartKingThistle · 07/03/2013 21:04

RTFT sneezecakes.

idshagphilspencer · 07/03/2013 21:04

aaaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

sneezecakesmum · 07/03/2013 21:04

Apologies if there have been a lot of OP or ASD bashing in the previous posts, but I have only read the OP and not 35 pages and I feel my coments are fair.

ClayDavis · 07/03/2013 21:05

Don't worry idshag, only another 130 odd posts before this thread maxes out.

YouTheCat · 07/03/2013 21:06

Your comments are stupid and ill-informed and if you can't be bothered to read the thread, at least read the OP's other posts.

idshagphilspencer · 07/03/2013 21:07

aaaaaaaaaagggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

SauvignonBlanche · 07/03/2013 21:07

sneezecakesmum RTFT before you dispense your wisdom!

YouTheCat · 07/03/2013 21:07

Sneeze obviously expects the OP to get up half an hour before she goes to bed and live in cardboard box in middle of road. Grin

Lilka · 07/03/2013 21:08

sneezecakesmum - This has GOT to be a joke already!!

Drumroll....if you are sooo organised and good with time, then please use some of your valuable time now to go and READ THE DAMN THREAD FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!! IT'S NOT DIFFICULT!! You can even the highlight the op's posts for ease of reading. Or are you just a lazy person?

SauvignonBlanche · 07/03/2013 21:09

If you can't be arsed to read the thread then don't fucking post!

limitedperiodonly · 07/03/2013 21:09

Come on everyone, it's very fair. It's not as if sneezecakes called the OP a cunt or a poo head.

ClayDavis · 07/03/2013 21:09

Actually, she could move into the school. I don't think we've suggested that yet.

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