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I'm probably being entitled/unreasonable, but should the teacher wait on my child?

5 replies

WhenIsBedtime · 06/03/2013 09:59

My child has high functioning autism. Attends a mainstream school. Her issues are very mild. No need for an assistant or anything.

The way it works in the school yard each morning is this:

Bell goes at 9am.
All children run to their class marks and line up.
Class teachers come out, and guide them into the building, starting with the youngest to the oldest class.

My child is in the youngest class.

Perhaps once or twice a week, we're a few minutes late. The bell has already gone and her class has lined up by the time we reach the yard. However, we're never so late that her class has already gone inside by the time we arrive. We can always see them.

The entrance gate is at the other end of the huge yard from where the children line up.

On our late days, as we arrive at the gate, the teacher has already came out. He can see my dd running towards the line, but he decides to take the class inside anyway, without waiting on her.

By the time my (very slow) daughter reaches the place her class lines up, they are already inside the building, and the other classes are going inside.

My daughter then gets really upset as she doesn't understand it's okay to go through the door without her own teacher or class. She doesn't understand she should just run ahead of the next class going in, or even join their line instead. Parents aren't normally allowed in the yard. But when this happens, i run in to her and try and convince her to go into the building. But she says "No, I'm waiting on Mr Teacher and my class."

The teacher from an older class then takes her inside for me instead.

I realise such upset/confusion for my child wouldn't happen if i was there with her before 9am every day, but lateness does happen. And other children usually run into the yard up to five minutes late, behind us, but they quite happily join on the back of another class's line. Whereas my daughter won't without a heck of a lot of protest and causing a scene.

Personally (and here's where i'm probably being unreasonable), I think dd's teacher should wait on her if he sees dd running towards him and her class in the yard. It takes no more than a minute for her to run across the yard from the gate.

Obviously, if we weren't at the gate by the time he came out to greet the class, or if we were very late, i wouldn't expect him to wait. But when he can see dd at the other end of the yard, why can't he just wait? Thus avoiding her getting upset and confused?

I've spoken to him about it before, and he says that because his class is the youngest, and goes inside first, if he was to wait, it would delay all the other classes, and it would mean he'd have to occupy his own class for an additional minute.

Just wanted to add, that the children never have to wait outside in adverse weather conditions. They're able to go straight into the building on these days, rather than line up outside and wait on a teacher.

I just don't get why he can't wait an extra minute on dd, yet it's okay for him to be several minutes late on occassion, leaving his class waiting outside, holding up the other classes.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm probably just being precious/unreasonable, but i'd appreciate some opinions.

KateSMumsnet · 07/03/2013 13:41

Hi all,

Thanks to all those who brought this thread to our attention. We understand that things may have got unnecessarily heated, so as ever, please do report personal attacks to us.

We can see that the OP has taken advice and is working on the situation, which is wonderful. Let's try show that AIBU can be a constructive and helpful place (no laughing please).

HelenMumsnet · 08/03/2013 12:35

@HelpOneAnother

I am v.surprised at my deleted posts. Eejit is quite a gentle reproof where I live. And as for wondering if my teenager was posting, really?

Yet I still see posts from whogives which are very snarky to OPConfused. Kindness and sense of proportion not only missing from school I think.

Hello. All personal attacks break our Guidelines and so are deletable - however gentle or harsh.

Swearing is allowed, however. As long as it's not part of a personal attack.

Hope that makes things a bit clearer.

HelenMumsnet · 08/03/2013 12:49

Also, just for a bit more clarifying...

It's fine for folks to be insensitive/stupid/pooheadish, even offensive (within our guidelines and certiain limits). It's annoying but it's not against the rules.

It is against the rules to attack people personally and tell them they're insensitive/stupid/pooheadish, though. Though we're sure you can all find ways to advise them of the error of their ways without making a personal attack...

Also, we have mailed the OP of this thread and suggested AIBU is probably not the most ideal place for a thread of this nature - - but we haven't had a reply.

We would tend to agree that, although it's by no means compulsory to post about your child with SN in MNSN, it's maybe not the best idea to post in AIBU - where folks are, after all, invited to pronounce a judgement on the opening post.

Thanks to all here who have offered the OP such brilliant advice.

HelenMumsnet · 08/03/2013 13:12

@WhenIsBedtime

Blush

Sorry, i wasn't being rude. Didn't know i had a PM. Apologies for not replying.

I'll definitely be posting in SN more often about my daughter. IABU was my first choice just because i wanted a quick answer, and because i did have an 'AIBU' question. Is it not ok to post AIBU questions regarding disabilites/SEN?

Sometimes it's good to get opinions outwith the SN section as they'll be more varied. However, with this risk, i appreciate a lot of pooheadish replies will join them too. As happens with almost every AIB thread.

Smile You had a mail, WhenIsBedtime; we don't PM folks.

And yes of course it's fine to post wherever you like. But you do have to bear in mind that the very nature of AIBU is inviting judgement for or against. So, if that's not what you're after, it might be best to post elsewhere.

HelenMumsnet · 08/03/2013 13:16

@WhenIsBedtime

Ah, i see, thanks for clarifying.

I think i've really misunderstood what 'AIBU' section is about. I've always thought it was for any question re 'am i being unreasonable?' So it's a debate area of sorts?

Sorry MNHQ! Blush

I've been on this site for a while (I namechange quite a bit as i'm terrified of being recognised in RL) and i've never really understood what this section is for.

Now i feel like a poohead.

Grin
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