Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I'm probably being entitled/unreasonable, but should the teacher wait on my child?

999 replies

WhenIsBedtime · 06/03/2013 09:59

My child has high functioning autism. Attends a mainstream school. Her issues are very mild. No need for an assistant or anything.

The way it works in the school yard each morning is this:

Bell goes at 9am.
All children run to their class marks and line up.
Class teachers come out, and guide them into the building, starting with the youngest to the oldest class.

My child is in the youngest class.

Perhaps once or twice a week, we're a few minutes late. The bell has already gone and her class has lined up by the time we reach the yard. However, we're never so late that her class has already gone inside by the time we arrive. We can always see them.

The entrance gate is at the other end of the huge yard from where the children line up.

On our late days, as we arrive at the gate, the teacher has already came out. He can see my dd running towards the line, but he decides to take the class inside anyway, without waiting on her.

By the time my (very slow) daughter reaches the place her class lines up, they are already inside the building, and the other classes are going inside.

My daughter then gets really upset as she doesn't understand it's okay to go through the door without her own teacher or class. She doesn't understand she should just run ahead of the next class going in, or even join their line instead. Parents aren't normally allowed in the yard. But when this happens, i run in to her and try and convince her to go into the building. But she says "No, I'm waiting on Mr Teacher and my class."

The teacher from an older class then takes her inside for me instead.

I realise such upset/confusion for my child wouldn't happen if i was there with her before 9am every day, but lateness does happen. And other children usually run into the yard up to five minutes late, behind us, but they quite happily join on the back of another class's line. Whereas my daughter won't without a heck of a lot of protest and causing a scene.

Personally (and here's where i'm probably being unreasonable), I think dd's teacher should wait on her if he sees dd running towards him and her class in the yard. It takes no more than a minute for her to run across the yard from the gate.

Obviously, if we weren't at the gate by the time he came out to greet the class, or if we were very late, i wouldn't expect him to wait. But when he can see dd at the other end of the yard, why can't he just wait? Thus avoiding her getting upset and confused?

I've spoken to him about it before, and he says that because his class is the youngest, and goes inside first, if he was to wait, it would delay all the other classes, and it would mean he'd have to occupy his own class for an additional minute.

Just wanted to add, that the children never have to wait outside in adverse weather conditions. They're able to go straight into the building on these days, rather than line up outside and wait on a teacher.

I just don't get why he can't wait an extra minute on dd, yet it's okay for him to be several minutes late on occassion, leaving his class waiting outside, holding up the other classes.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm probably just being precious/unreasonable, but i'd appreciate some opinions.

OP posts:
Coconutty · 07/03/2013 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

akaemmafrost · 07/03/2013 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

YouTheCat · 07/03/2013 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 07/03/2013 18:34

"I work with children with SN" is always the get out of jail free card for gobshites who post ignorant bigoted crap on threads like this one.
To which the only possible response is "Winterbourne View" .... working with people with SN is no guarantee of basic decency or even basic intelligence, unfortunately.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 07/03/2013 18:38

Which is in itself a very disturbing thought :(

SauvignonBlanche · 07/03/2013 18:43

Good point Karlos.

Coconutty · 07/03/2013 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lljkk · 07/03/2013 18:49

I think it's a disgrace some people have been so harsh on OP. Angry

I hope you find a way thru, OP. As far as I'm concerned you're not late at all. No one else who arrives in time for the register sees themselves as late, and rightly so.

Oh, and yanbu to find the situation so difficult.

YouTheCat · 07/03/2013 18:54

I work with, mainly, dyslexic children. I'm usually uncunt-like too. Though I can have my moments when riled. Grin

MrsDeVere · 07/03/2013 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coconutty · 07/03/2013 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 07/03/2013 19:02

No, the problem is with people thinking the fact they work with children with SN (or claim to - I frankly doubt the bona fides of amany of these specimens) thinking it makes their ignorance and stupidity somehow OK. It doesn't. it just makes me incredibly determined to ensure none of you ever get near my child.

GetOrf · 07/03/2013 19:17

I don't work with SN children and I am a bit cunty.

Just goes to show.

cricketballs · 07/03/2013 19:18

op - can you answer the question on why you get up so early? Why do you need that long to get ready in the morning before waking your DD?

As others have said, maybe the long amount of time that you have in the morning is actually making it worse? My autistic DS also has many of the issues that you have raised and I have found that actually having less time works well - he is obsessed by time and gets into a complete melt down if late; we have as others have suggested a timetable of when things have to be done by and although it wasn't instant, it now works. We also 'fast forward' clocks (especially when he is tired at night) as he recognises that pyjama time is 8, upstairs at 8.30 and lights off at 9 so if he needs an early night the clocks are changed!

BeerTricksPotter · 07/03/2013 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClayDavis · 07/03/2013 19:23

I think she already has answered that question, cricket.

CheerfulYank · 07/03/2013 19:27

When I worked with children with SN I was quite cuntlike to other people...the kids got all my patience. :)

cricketballs · 07/03/2013 19:35

apologies op - I had read it last night, but forgot that you explained why you woke that early after reading the hundreds of posts since then

reawakeningambition · 07/03/2013 19:40

so they will let you in early OP? hurray!

Now we just need to award the Order of Mumsnet to the first person who suggested that. Who was it?

ClayDavis · 07/03/2013 19:43

I'm not sure I'd want to go back through the thread to even try and work that out.

Hattifattner · 07/03/2013 19:43

OP, i was encouraged to see you will see the paediatrician about her sleeping. I think it could be a real life changer - if you think back to how you felt when she was tiny and you were up every couple of hours? It can leave even the most sensible person feeling frazzled, so no wonder she gets jumpy and agitated. Poor mite.

Is there any way you could move to somewhere that doesn't have paper thin walls? if not, would your DD accept using earplugs to deaden noise?the foam ones are available in chemists and are very effective. Given many autistic children's sensitivity to noise, if you could persuade her, it might make things easier at night. If she likes them, you could even try them on the way to school. They are discrete enough for her not to feel too different. Might take a couple of days getting used to them, but worth a try?

Also, how are you in yourself? I dont think getting up earlier and earlier is the answer for you too, so can you reorganise your day so the paperwork could be done in the evenings or lunchtime. You must be exhausted, and it doesn't seem that you have much support. You need to be kind to yourself too.

MidnightMasquerader · 07/03/2013 19:51

It's quite mind-boggling, the number of people willing to come onto an open, well-known forum and display their total and abject fuckwittery to an international audience.

Prsonally, I'd die of shame, but some people have the hide of a rhinoceros, for sure.

This is a nuanced thread and yes, some comprehension skills and basic English are required. But even this seems to be beyond some.

I love the eejit who had a good old go at the OP, and then blamed her for putting it here in AIBU instead of in a more specific forum - as if it was the OP's fault that she was a total cunt. As I say, quite mind-boggling. You people do realise we can see what you're saying, right?! Grin When you hit 'post message' it doesn't just disappear into the ether, but pops up in screens all round the world, for us to see your idiocy in black nd white. We can see you, and we judge you. You deserve it.

On the plus side, I have learnt quite a bit more about the autism spectrum, thanks to this thread. And so grateful for the easy hand I have been dealt, compared with so many others. You do an amazing job. :)

Callthemidlife · 07/03/2013 19:55

MNHQ:-

I will spout on about my own opinions about anything under the sun, but I don't like talking specifically about my own children here on MN. I will only do it when I think my own experience is absolutely relevant and absolutely going to be useful. It took me about an hour to decide whether or not to post the advice I had written. I really felt so very uncomfortable doing so, especially knowing the kind of vitriol that was being directed at the parents posting on here about their own SN experience. But the kind of experience I'd had with my own child, and the ways I'd pragmatically got around it were I thought very valid giving the OPs experience.

And I have no idea now if the OP even saw it, because you've deleted it.

Because I added in a single line where I called out a cunt for being a cunt.

you didn't edit out the offensive line, you didn't send me a mail to tell me to cool off, you just let it all get trashed. And deleting me when all I was doing was reaching out and supporting another mum with SN seems to me to be, well, a pretty cunty thing to do.

But hey, your site, your rules. Hmm

YouTheCat · 07/03/2013 19:57

Next time, do the relevant, supportive post. Then use the next post to call a cunt a cunt. Saves getting the important stuff from being deleted.

BeerTricksPotter · 07/03/2013 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.