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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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I'm probably being entitled/unreasonable, but should the teacher wait on my child?

999 replies

WhenIsBedtime · 06/03/2013 09:59

My child has high functioning autism. Attends a mainstream school. Her issues are very mild. No need for an assistant or anything.

The way it works in the school yard each morning is this:

Bell goes at 9am.
All children run to their class marks and line up.
Class teachers come out, and guide them into the building, starting with the youngest to the oldest class.

My child is in the youngest class.

Perhaps once or twice a week, we're a few minutes late. The bell has already gone and her class has lined up by the time we reach the yard. However, we're never so late that her class has already gone inside by the time we arrive. We can always see them.

The entrance gate is at the other end of the huge yard from where the children line up.

On our late days, as we arrive at the gate, the teacher has already came out. He can see my dd running towards the line, but he decides to take the class inside anyway, without waiting on her.

By the time my (very slow) daughter reaches the place her class lines up, they are already inside the building, and the other classes are going inside.

My daughter then gets really upset as she doesn't understand it's okay to go through the door without her own teacher or class. She doesn't understand she should just run ahead of the next class going in, or even join their line instead. Parents aren't normally allowed in the yard. But when this happens, i run in to her and try and convince her to go into the building. But she says "No, I'm waiting on Mr Teacher and my class."

The teacher from an older class then takes her inside for me instead.

I realise such upset/confusion for my child wouldn't happen if i was there with her before 9am every day, but lateness does happen. And other children usually run into the yard up to five minutes late, behind us, but they quite happily join on the back of another class's line. Whereas my daughter won't without a heck of a lot of protest and causing a scene.

Personally (and here's where i'm probably being unreasonable), I think dd's teacher should wait on her if he sees dd running towards him and her class in the yard. It takes no more than a minute for her to run across the yard from the gate.

Obviously, if we weren't at the gate by the time he came out to greet the class, or if we were very late, i wouldn't expect him to wait. But when he can see dd at the other end of the yard, why can't he just wait? Thus avoiding her getting upset and confused?

I've spoken to him about it before, and he says that because his class is the youngest, and goes inside first, if he was to wait, it would delay all the other classes, and it would mean he'd have to occupy his own class for an additional minute.

Just wanted to add, that the children never have to wait outside in adverse weather conditions. They're able to go straight into the building on these days, rather than line up outside and wait on a teacher.

I just don't get why he can't wait an extra minute on dd, yet it's okay for him to be several minutes late on occassion, leaving his class waiting outside, holding up the other classes.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm probably just being precious/unreasonable, but i'd appreciate some opinions.

OP posts:
KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 07/03/2013 15:22

There are worse things than having ASD, of course. One of them is being an absolute moron. As plenty of posters here know only too well ...

TantrumsAndBalloons · 07/03/2013 15:22

cumfy read the fucking thread. The OP can leave 10 minutes early.

She will either then be too early and be in a dangerous situation by a busy road.
Or something could upset her dd, such as a motorbike, and she has to deal with the fallout from that.

What the actual fuck is wrong with you?

akaemmafrost · 07/03/2013 15:24

I am kind of glad this keeps happening so now parents of NT children can get a small taste of how it feels to live in HFA World ENJOY!! Grin

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/03/2013 15:24

Whogivesatoss - have I read your post correctly? You are saying that children with special needs should not get any special treatment in order to enable them to function on an equal basis in society. Really???

What a load of total and utter bollocks!

It is no different to someone needing crutches or a wheelchair, or Braille signage or large print books/leaflets in order to be able to take a full part in life.

ClayDavis · 07/03/2013 15:32

OK if it's the use of the word racist you object to I appologise. It might not have been the best thought out argument.

The point I was trying to make was that starting a sentence with 'I've only read the OP but' is a way of justifying saying something completely fuckwitted. If out find yourself doing it it's probably worth thinking about whether you should be posting at all.

In no way did I mean that posting something ill though out was the equivalent of making a racist comment.

SauvignonBlanche · 07/03/2013 15:33

cumfy, nalubeadsgal and whogivesatoss, you should be fucking ashamed of yourselves! Angry

Chelvis · 07/03/2013 15:37

I have only read the OP, but I have 18 children, 23 of whom have SN, we live 35 miles from the school and we have to travel on the backs of lame meercats over the Pyrenees to get there and we have NEVER been late ..... YOU should get up earlier!!!!

OK, sorry for being sarky, but after reading 000000s of these posts, I seriously want to beat some people around the head with a big stick marked 'read the bloody thread'.

I can't give advice as I don't have a SN child so I have no bloody idea, but having worked in education, I think that part of the problem is that the school is worried that they'll give an inch and you'll take a mile. Most people are reasonable, but I'm sure as this thread has shown you, there are an awful lot of arses out there .... too often in schools, you show someone some flexibility/benefit of the doubt (not necessarily SN situations, generally speaking) and before you know it - a) they are taking the mick and you have to fight to get back control AND/OR b) other parents dive in and give you hassle for showing flexibility/start taking liberties.

I really hope that the head manages to recognise your situation deserves a bit of flexibility and that you can come up with a solution. It might be, as partonising as it sounds, that you need to 'prove' yourself as reasonable, which it shouldn't come down to, but it probably will. You come across as very sensible and reasonable, and I hope the school start to work with you to solve this.

Catsdontcare · 07/03/2013 15:37

Am going to hide this thread now i don't usually let myslf get drawn in but have got too sucked into this one. Best of luck OP.

waltermittymissus · 07/03/2013 15:38

Some of you are fucking pricks.

OP, the head doesn't sound terribly supportive.

Perhaps you should start looking at other schools?

midastouch · 07/03/2013 15:40

YABU i was never late for school, you know the time she has to be there. Occasional lateness yeh but one or twice a week?

waltermittymissus · 07/03/2013 15:40

Chelis Grin Grin Grin

waltermittymissus · 07/03/2013 15:41

Oops! CHELVIS - doh!

waltermittymissus · 07/03/2013 15:42

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merlincat · 07/03/2013 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 07/03/2013 15:44

Actually I think there are a few posters who are genuinely unable to understand why the ops situation is not simple.
I m not being sarcastic. I think if they have read the thread and still do not understand then there may be an issue with basic understanding and perhaps a lack of empathy.

idshagphilspencer · 07/03/2013 15:46

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flangledoodle · 07/03/2013 15:50

Seems to me some people appear to think lateness is the absolute rudest and most indefensible thing in the world and will never concede to any mitigating circumstances - ever! I find this very baffling. It appears the 'always on time brigade' inhabit a morally superior status to the rest of us and we just have to accept that and endeavour to live up to their standards.

BumpingFuglies · 07/03/2013 15:53

I have learnt a lot on this thread after my initial YABU (wasn't rude though). Some have shared their situations and I have taken in as much as I can. Thank you to those who have taken the time to explain things, especially the OP. I have a feeling this thread will self destruct though Sad

TantrumsAndBalloons · 07/03/2013 15:53

pag I agree. I think there are people that are either unable to comprehend the very real struggles the OP is facing to get her dd to school, on time with the minimum of distress.

I find it hard to believe that there are people freely walking around with that level of stupidity, but it seems the only logical explanation for the amount of posts saying "leave early. It's your fault. Get her there on time"

I do wonder how people manage to go about their lives without even the slightest shred of comprehension, understanding, empathy or common sense, but it seems it is actually possible.

Who knew?

Callthemidlife · 07/03/2013 15:58

Tantrums. This thread really does demonstrate just how long the tail on the bell curve is.....

Pagwatch · 07/03/2013 16:01

It is amazing Tantrums.
And they get to vote and go on a jury. Scary isn't it.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 07/03/2013 16:06

I think it's scary that they get to disguise themselves as members of society tbh Grin

Seriously though, I have never in my life seen anything like this. How on earth can people be so wicked as to put blame and guilt on a parent who is doing a bloody amazing job?

SauvignonBlanche · 07/03/2013 16:08

Fucking terrifying !

BeerTricksPotter · 07/03/2013 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catchingmockingbirds · 07/03/2013 16:15

whogive you seem to have changed your nickname deliberately for this thread, are you ashamed of posters knowing your usual nickname? You should be...