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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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I'm probably being entitled/unreasonable, but should the teacher wait on my child?

999 replies

WhenIsBedtime · 06/03/2013 09:59

My child has high functioning autism. Attends a mainstream school. Her issues are very mild. No need for an assistant or anything.

The way it works in the school yard each morning is this:

Bell goes at 9am.
All children run to their class marks and line up.
Class teachers come out, and guide them into the building, starting with the youngest to the oldest class.

My child is in the youngest class.

Perhaps once or twice a week, we're a few minutes late. The bell has already gone and her class has lined up by the time we reach the yard. However, we're never so late that her class has already gone inside by the time we arrive. We can always see them.

The entrance gate is at the other end of the huge yard from where the children line up.

On our late days, as we arrive at the gate, the teacher has already came out. He can see my dd running towards the line, but he decides to take the class inside anyway, without waiting on her.

By the time my (very slow) daughter reaches the place her class lines up, they are already inside the building, and the other classes are going inside.

My daughter then gets really upset as she doesn't understand it's okay to go through the door without her own teacher or class. She doesn't understand she should just run ahead of the next class going in, or even join their line instead. Parents aren't normally allowed in the yard. But when this happens, i run in to her and try and convince her to go into the building. But she says "No, I'm waiting on Mr Teacher and my class."

The teacher from an older class then takes her inside for me instead.

I realise such upset/confusion for my child wouldn't happen if i was there with her before 9am every day, but lateness does happen. And other children usually run into the yard up to five minutes late, behind us, but they quite happily join on the back of another class's line. Whereas my daughter won't without a heck of a lot of protest and causing a scene.

Personally (and here's where i'm probably being unreasonable), I think dd's teacher should wait on her if he sees dd running towards him and her class in the yard. It takes no more than a minute for her to run across the yard from the gate.

Obviously, if we weren't at the gate by the time he came out to greet the class, or if we were very late, i wouldn't expect him to wait. But when he can see dd at the other end of the yard, why can't he just wait? Thus avoiding her getting upset and confused?

I've spoken to him about it before, and he says that because his class is the youngest, and goes inside first, if he was to wait, it would delay all the other classes, and it would mean he'd have to occupy his own class for an additional minute.

Just wanted to add, that the children never have to wait outside in adverse weather conditions. They're able to go straight into the building on these days, rather than line up outside and wait on a teacher.

I just don't get why he can't wait an extra minute on dd, yet it's okay for him to be several minutes late on occassion, leaving his class waiting outside, holding up the other classes.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm probably just being precious/unreasonable, but i'd appreciate some opinions.

OP posts:
ClayDavis · 07/03/2013 13:44

Fucking hell. It's like groundhog day in here.

HelpOneAnother · 07/03/2013 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheChaoGoesMu · 07/03/2013 13:46

Sorry,have to agree with others,,what would happen if all the other kids just turned as and when?no, you have to get there for 9Am,,,it's not that difficult

another one incapable of reading the fucking thread. Or do you know a child with SEN, thus you know it all?

limitedperiodonly · 07/03/2013 13:48

Hahahahahahahahahaahhahahaahhaahahaha

HelpOneAnother · 07/03/2013 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClairesTravellingCircus · 07/03/2013 13:48

Help GrinGrinGrin

Catsdontcare · 07/03/2013 13:48

I think posts that start with "I haven't read the whole thread but...." Should fall under the breaking of the talk guidelines and as such should be deleted.

Delayingtactic · 07/03/2013 13:49

Why oh why do people do that? This thread has 600+ messages - do people not think that it might have moved on a tad in those 600 messages?! I've just spent ages going through it (admittedly mainly just reading OP responses and any ones that catch my eye).

OP I'm glad you're working towards a solution - I am so sorry that this thread has been such a bitch fest and one upmanship. You've been really good biting your tongue throughout this. Good luck!

BeerTricksPotter · 07/03/2013 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catsdontcare · 07/03/2013 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

5madthings · 07/03/2013 13:52

Seriously with this threas and the one about a parent not wanting their child to sit next to a child with sen i could weep reading some replies.

My children are nt and that is down to luck, nothing else not fabulous parenting etc just luck and if a child with sen needs some extra help and adjustments to help them.then of course they should get it amd people need to understand that. If my nt kids are inconvenienved or upset well they are learning that ithet peoole need extra consideration and a bit of understanding. They are lucky not to need the help so they can be kind and understanding if yhose that do ans be accepting of difference ans not judge.

This has made me think a bit more about a boy in ds4's class (reception) he is i think going through referral/diagnosis for autism and he has some issues in class. Ds4 who is 4 has mentioned that he us naughty :( i have said no he is just learning like you are. But i may see if he and his mum want to play at the local park after school one day. Outdoors, neutral teritory and i suspect ds4 would actually get on well with him and if he plays with him out of school he is more likely to see him as sam rather than the naughty boy at school :( does thata make sense?

ClayDavis · 07/03/2013 13:57

It makes perfect sense and I'm sure the mum would be very pleased. I've taught whole classes of Y1 children who have more empathy and understanding of people with differing needs than many of the adults on this thread. It's quite shocking, although unfortunately not surprising.

merlincat · 07/03/2013 14:00

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CinnabarRed · 07/03/2013 14:04

Please may I ask a question to the parents whose children have SEN?

Do the parents of other children in your DCs' school know about their SENs? Do you want the other parents to know?

As the parent of NT children (as far as I know), I hope I would always be receptive to school making special arrangements to help children with SEN. But I might well not recognise certain behaviours as being related to SEN, so might not know that SEN were a relevant factor.

mumat39 · 07/03/2013 14:04

Merlin. No. It was 'National thick twat day' yesterday. Today is 'National lets be even more thick and tatty' day.

Confused
mumat39 · 07/03/2013 14:04

Twatty, not tatty! Lol

merlincat · 07/03/2013 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CinnabarRed · 07/03/2013 14:10

Merlincat - no reason at all that I can think of, but I didn't want to make assumptions.

akaemmafrost · 07/03/2013 14:11

Well some do but only people I have told. With ds, his needs were very obvious as he struggled greatly at school. No one ever said anything to me except one twat who said "my ds is falling behind because there's so many SN kids in this school, he's not getting enough attention, oh but I don't mean your son, he's not in my ds's class."

At dd's school I have told only the two mums I speak to who have both been lovely but one of them has a child with much more significant needs than mine.

I don't know how helpful it would be for other parents to be informed considering some of the frankly, disgusting responses on this thread. Some people are just so stupid, sorry but it's true.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 07/03/2013 14:12

I actually think people are doing this for a joke now.

There cannot be that many stupid people who think its helpful to post "just leave 5 minutes earlier" like no one would have thought of that. Like the OP wouldnt possibly have thought of leaving a bit earlier.

Sirzy · 07/03/2013 14:13

I think posts that start with "I haven't read the whole thread but...." Should fall under the breaking of the talk guidelines and as such should be deleted.

I started my post like but BUT I had read all of the OPs posts before commenting, the bonus of having the OP posts highlighted!

As the parent of NT children (as far as I know), I hope I would always be receptive to school making special arrangements to help children with SEN. But I might well not recognise certain behaviours as being related to SEN, so might not know that SEN were a relevant factor.

Surely if you realised the school were making special arrangements for a child you would just assume there was a good reason for that and then, unless it somehow caused problems for your child, leave it at that?

WilsonFrickett · 07/03/2013 14:14

Bugger mumat I've sent DS to school in entirely the wrong costume then! Grin

Cinna yes/no/it depends. It can be tricky, is what I'm saying. We moved from a very big, multicultural school with lots of English as a second language and DS issues didn't seem to make him stand out as much there - a lot of the teaching was individual, there was a TA in class, there was lots of support for communication skills, so I didn't feel the need. It was a more accepting environment.

When we moved to a village school I was more open, mainly because I was trying to gauge how the school were dealing with things. But I didn't shout it from the rooftops either.

Often the parents you need to tell are the last ones you want to tell - you don't want their DC's shouting about things in the playground, particularly as DS doesn't really know he has a diagnosable problem yet.

Actually that is a big thing - usually SN kids who are 'obvious' or 'acting out' aren't being properly supported and often that's because they're un-dx'd or very early in that process. Or DC's haven't been told. I don't want some toerag telling my boy he's different, iyswim.

Catsdontcare · 07/03/2013 14:15

Ok all posts that start with "I've only read the OP but ....."

bangwhizz · 07/03/2013 14:22

Can I be Tatty and Twatty? I can't be bothered to get changed out of my gardening clothes

ClayDavis · 07/03/2013 14:23

It's sort of the MN equivalent of 'I don't mean to be racist but...'. If you prefix a sentence with it there's an excellent chance you're about to say something completely stupid and might want to have a rethink.

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