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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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I'm probably being entitled/unreasonable, but should the teacher wait on my child?

999 replies

WhenIsBedtime · 06/03/2013 09:59

My child has high functioning autism. Attends a mainstream school. Her issues are very mild. No need for an assistant or anything.

The way it works in the school yard each morning is this:

Bell goes at 9am.
All children run to their class marks and line up.
Class teachers come out, and guide them into the building, starting with the youngest to the oldest class.

My child is in the youngest class.

Perhaps once or twice a week, we're a few minutes late. The bell has already gone and her class has lined up by the time we reach the yard. However, we're never so late that her class has already gone inside by the time we arrive. We can always see them.

The entrance gate is at the other end of the huge yard from where the children line up.

On our late days, as we arrive at the gate, the teacher has already came out. He can see my dd running towards the line, but he decides to take the class inside anyway, without waiting on her.

By the time my (very slow) daughter reaches the place her class lines up, they are already inside the building, and the other classes are going inside.

My daughter then gets really upset as she doesn't understand it's okay to go through the door without her own teacher or class. She doesn't understand she should just run ahead of the next class going in, or even join their line instead. Parents aren't normally allowed in the yard. But when this happens, i run in to her and try and convince her to go into the building. But she says "No, I'm waiting on Mr Teacher and my class."

The teacher from an older class then takes her inside for me instead.

I realise such upset/confusion for my child wouldn't happen if i was there with her before 9am every day, but lateness does happen. And other children usually run into the yard up to five minutes late, behind us, but they quite happily join on the back of another class's line. Whereas my daughter won't without a heck of a lot of protest and causing a scene.

Personally (and here's where i'm probably being unreasonable), I think dd's teacher should wait on her if he sees dd running towards him and her class in the yard. It takes no more than a minute for her to run across the yard from the gate.

Obviously, if we weren't at the gate by the time he came out to greet the class, or if we were very late, i wouldn't expect him to wait. But when he can see dd at the other end of the yard, why can't he just wait? Thus avoiding her getting upset and confused?

I've spoken to him about it before, and he says that because his class is the youngest, and goes inside first, if he was to wait, it would delay all the other classes, and it would mean he'd have to occupy his own class for an additional minute.

Just wanted to add, that the children never have to wait outside in adverse weather conditions. They're able to go straight into the building on these days, rather than line up outside and wait on a teacher.

I just don't get why he can't wait an extra minute on dd, yet it's okay for him to be several minutes late on occassion, leaving his class waiting outside, holding up the other classes.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm probably just being precious/unreasonable, but i'd appreciate some opinions.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 07/03/2013 12:23

What the actual fuck have 'sahms' got to do with this ?
Did I miss something?

akaemmafrost · 07/03/2013 12:26

SDTGYou're ok for now but costs are rising so be prepared. I blame the Tories Wink.

Owllady · 07/03/2013 12:26

the OP has a job Confused

CinnabarRed · 07/03/2013 12:27

I would be mortified to find myself on akaemma's shit list.

Am I on the list?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/03/2013 12:29

Whew!

whogiveatoss · 07/03/2013 12:29

catsdontcare a post miles back said its not rocket science or something like that and I agree. Op should have used her common sense and gone in to the school ages ago. Poor DD. The fact it hadnt occured to her is slightly worrying....

The school should have intevened a long time ago too. The fact that neither of them did is awful for DD.

SDT I too have now neglected the few things i had to do on my dinner lol. DH can get a chippy on way home from work Grin

everlong · 07/03/2013 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

quietlysuggests · 07/03/2013 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everlong · 07/03/2013 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CinnabarRed · 07/03/2013 12:34

This reply has been deleted

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5madthings · 07/03/2013 12:36

Applauds cinnabar

akaemmafrost · 07/03/2013 12:37

No cinnabar you're safe. It's got a brand new, "name changing" addition though.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/03/2013 12:38

Whogivesatoss - would your dh pick up supper from the chippy for me too, please? I know I have got plenty of time to make a meal, but now you have mentioned it, I really want meat pie and chipses. Grin

akaemmafrost · 07/03/2013 12:38

This reply has been deleted

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whogiveatoss · 07/03/2013 12:38

This reply has been deleted

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/03/2013 12:39

But it is still very early days for her in learning how to cope with her dd's autism - and it sounds as if the school is being bloody unhelpful, too.

Catsdontcare · 07/03/2013 12:39

No it isn't rocket science it's far more complex and emotionally draining. This thread is about just one issue the OP Is dealing with.

I have a DS with ASD he's also in reception there are many many things we are trying to get right and many many things on the to do list. I'll get to them when I have a fucking moment to think straight.

Knob.

5madthings · 07/03/2013 12:43

She is hardly late tho, she is getting there as they all.go in. Its.only because the school has the 'line' system.that there is a problem.

limitedperiodonly · 07/03/2013 12:50

I hope your meeting goes well OP.

Still laughing about poo head. Top insult for fuckwits who don't read the thread.

Pagwatch · 07/03/2013 12:56

Dealing with being late for school is probably no 27 on the list OPs list of
Things That Are Incredibly Difficult And Need To Be Micromanaged For Reasons I Don't Fully Understand And Which Have Left Me Confused And A Bit Frightened And Helpless While I Am Still Reeling From The Whole Fucking Realisation That My Darling Child Is Going To Live A Life That None Of Us Anticipated.

Frankly a year after DS2s diagnosis I was still just this side of sitting in a cupboard with my knickers on my head.

akaemmafrost · 07/03/2013 12:59

Grin Pag

I used to spend hours sat at my computer desk "researching" ASD. However since I physically couldn't actually raise my head from its damp position ON the desk for two hours at a time, not much ever got done.

ClayDavis · 07/03/2013 13:01

Which part of the phrase 'I have spoken to him about it before' from the OP's first post suggests that the OP has done nothing about this before. Unless I'm misreading it the whole point of this thread was that she has tried to deal with it and the school aren't being helpful.

And you're all pooheads. Just so you know. Grin

Catsdontcare · 07/03/2013 13:03

I have a book, with dividers and categories and everything, at the moment ds's little life looks like a project Hmm

Pagwatch · 07/03/2013 13:04

Oh God - me too. All those therapies and theories and discussion sites....
I was just looking for 'it'samistakeandhewillbefine.com.

[tight bitter smile]

Pagwatch · 07/03/2013 13:05

Oh Catsdon'tcare. I know.